Members Prissy Posted August 5, 2021 Members Report Share Posted August 5, 2021 last night my girlfriend committed suicide and i found out this morning. i am numb and so hurt by this like where do i even start. i’ve known her for 6 years and we have been dating for 5 months and there has never been a plan i made that didn’t include her, and now having to reprogram-me my mind to do those things without her sucks. i don’t know what to do or what to say. going from talking to her everyday, having 4 hour phone calls, eating from the same plate and showering together to not hearing and seeing her ever again is the most horrible feeling ever. i loved her so much, what the hell do i do now. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gail 8588 Posted August 5, 2021 Members Report Share Posted August 5, 2021 Prissy, I am so sorry for your loss. It is devastating to lose the person you wanted to spend your future with. It is so unfair that your time together was cut so short. For now, just allow yourself to grieve. Be kind to yourself, don't try to do all that you normally would have been doing. Your circumstances have changed. You are more likely to be distracted, so try not to drive or work extra hard on focusing if you must drive. You may find it hard to concentrate on tasks you usually can accomplish easily. This is the brain fog that often comes with a traumatic loss such as yours. Come here to vent, or to read other posts. It is somewhat comforting to read that others are also feeling what you are feeling. On this site, we have all lost the love of our lives. You are not alone. Gail 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 6, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted August 6, 2021 I am so sorry for your loss, I know it's immense...the hardest thing I ever went through was my sweet husband suddenly dying 16 years ago, way too young, totally unexpected. Gail gave you some very good advice. I hope you'll continue to come here and read/post. I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road. TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this. I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey. Take one day at a time. The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew. It can be challenging enough just to tackle today. I tell myself, I only have to get through today. Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again. To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety. Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves. The intensity lessens eventually. Visit your doctor. Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks. They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief. Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief. If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline. I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived. Back to taking a day at a time. Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808 Give yourself permission to smile. It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still. Try not to isolate too much. There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself. We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it! Some people set aside time every day to grieve. I didn't have to, it searched and found me! Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever. That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care. You'll need it more than ever. Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is. We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc. They have not only the knowledge, but the resources. In time, consider a grief support group. If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". Be patient, give yourself time. There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc. They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it. It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters. Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time. That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse. Finally, they were up to stay. Consider a pet. Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely. It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him. Besides, they're known to relieve stress. Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage. Make yourself get out now and then. You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now. That's normal. Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then. Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first. You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it. If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot. Keep coming here. We've been through it and we're all going through this together. Look for joy in every day. It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T. It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully. You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it. It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it. Eventually consider volunteering. It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win. (((hugs))) Praying for you today. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Bryn Posted August 7, 2021 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted August 7, 2021 I lost my spouse of 26 years to suicide in 2019. I was not a whole person for a long time afterwards. I had to keep going as I have children and animals and work that need my attention but it was about 6 months before I could think straight. I watched a lot of Big Bang Theory because it was light and comforting. I cried til I swear I sprained my tear ducts. But slowly, I found my feet again. I learned that life is for the living and that I am still here. I have a right to live the life in front of me. It doesn't mean I forget, we still celebrate him but it is now part of our lives not the dominant aspect of all that we think. We are still sad sometimes and some days I really struggle but we try to focus on the stories and the good and let the bad go. be kind to yourself. Just focus on breathing. Grief has no timetable and my dear, loss is loss and it all sucks. I wish you peace when you can find it. it will get better, slowly but in the short term give yourself permission to feel everything that you do. Talk to people, find supports and work with your doctor so you don't slip into chronic depression (it is reasonable to be depressed right now the brain doesn't know the difference between grief and depression). Get help if you need it, we all do to some degree. and when you start to find you are functioning a bit better let yourself. We often feel guilty but we shouldn't it is a normal part of the process. We cannot live in grief forever. Life is for the living and we are still here. We have a right to live our lives and to find happiness. We honour ourselves and our lost ones when we carry on. I am so sorry for your loss. My kindest wishes 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 7, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted August 7, 2021 VERY good advice! And it reminded me about this article: Smile Permission Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now