Sort of boyfriend died

[Tess71]

I met a wonderful guy once I moved back to my hometown with my daughter. It was very Hallmark movie for several months. Then in May 2019 I found out he’d gone on a trip to San Francisco with the woman everyone recognized as his girlfriend. She lived four hours away. He said he was going to see family in a city nearby. When I found out I broke up. He talked me back into the relationship and said she wasn’t his girlfriend and so began a very toxic relationship with this man. Due to covid I no longer allowed him to come into the home. He was not being as careful as we were. He owned a restaurant and was always out and about.  I also used it to distance us. In October 2020 I discovered he was an “occasional” meth user. This was a deal breaker and since we had not been intimate, I just asked that he move on and broke up. He said he was waiting for me but I said don’t wait. He’d still drop by and we’d talk, he’d never leave his vehicle… occasional meth user, said my naive self. He died on Monday. I had grown stronger with every meth episode and pushed him away but that only made him more passionate about saying that he loved us. The last two calls were Saturday and  Sunday, he sounded high. He had been bedridden and claimed it was sciatica but he suffered a massive heart attack Monday evening. I am left so angry and sad. I’m angry that he never broke up with this woman, he’d lie about that, then she’d show up or photos appeared online. The meth use was not occasional, of course, I am not sure if that is what killed him on that day or just led to it with use. I won’t be attending services, there’s no room, his girlfriend of 15 years will be there. I am no one. It will make me angrier to show up. Everyone is posting how lovely he was and how sweet and wonderful and I’m wishing I felt that way. Lots of photos with his girlfriend. I go all the way back to the first time he called me 8/5/2018 and how I had said I was flattered but I wasn’t interested in dating at the time. He was so charming. He was insistent. I was so honest and straightforward at the start, letting him know I wanted an honest relationship. It all became something I never wanted to be a part of.