Jump to content
New Members - Check Your Spam/Junk Folder for Confirmation Email ×

Lost My Best Friend


OldTrojan

Recommended Posts

  • Members
OldTrojan

John

No human being on earth could have experienced the series of traumatic disasters that you have and done well with it.  You say that you “are not really doing that well”, but no one would.  You’ve endured it, and are able to help your MIL in need.  You are doing better than most people would.  Give yourself some credit. 

I’m certainly no one to give advice on grief management, as I am still an emotional wreck.  Today is the 5 week anniversary, and I still cry off and on all day at the times that we would have been doing something.  And I still sob uncontrollably at certain times, such as when I visit him the three times of day that we walked.  I’ll hate Wednesdays for the rest of my life.

Phil

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

OldTrojan,

Thank you,  MIL died Sunday night and I know how you feel about the "day" my wife died on a Saturday (Sadderday) and they are hard for many reasons. She worked mostly Mon-Thursday and weekends were our time. Now I am all alone with "her" 2 cats that she had gotten a few months before she died because that is what she wanted and although we always had cats for the entire 35 years we were together there is nothing like these 2. She had always wanted Oriental Shorthair cats and they are not like any of the cats we ever had and that is why she wanted them, but she never really had time to enjoy them and they barely want anything to do me. It is weird because right now it is if they know I am sadder because MIL died because they are both sitting with me in my chair as I type this and they never do that. I am a little busy with the legal stuff with MIL and I still haven't fully grieved any of my losses of the past 19 months but I wake up crying, I cry throughout the day and I go to bed crying. The Chihuahua's used to sleep with us and so I not only lost my wife but also my other cuddle buddies as well. It is such a lonely existence right now but I am here until God says otherwise. I have to take it one day at a time and hope for the best. I hope your journey through this terrible thing gets a little easier for you but I understand if it doesn't come quickly.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

My husband died on Sunday Father's Day 2005, it'll always be hard for me.  Arlie died on Friday 8/16 2019.  This year I was in fire evacuation and moved back home on Arlie's death day, came home to freezer thawed out after six days what a mess, it kept me too busy to think, maybe that was a good thing although I would have liked some time to just honor Arlie at his gravesite, I was grateful the property was spared and thus the graves untouched.

Phil, the walking Arlie times were very hard for me too, that's why I started walking my neighbor's chow, but that ended badly with severe damage to both hands from him, I now live with constant pain/numbness and loss of strength.  Sigh...

  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

KayC,

Sorry for the pain of "everything" you are going through, But reminds me of the other saying "no good deed goes unpunished". I am not making light of your situation but doesn't it seem like that no matter how hard you try, that things just don't work the way they should. I will ask if you have ever tried compression gloves because they have helped me from time to time with the pain/numbness etc.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
OldTrojan

John, I’m so sorry to hear that your MIL passed away.  You’ve been through so much.  Hang in there.  People tell me that grief passes with time; I hope that this is the case for us both.

Hi Kay:

Yes, anniversaries are tough.  I just hope that I don’t have to be so grief-stricken and despondent every Wednesday.  Yesterday was a bad Wed. and then I got a visit from a yachtie who is stuck here due to covid.  He heard about Bear and came by to talk to me.  He had a small 5lb miniature terrier for 15 years, sailing around with him.  Six months ago the little guy died after such a long adventure-filled life, and of course the yachtie had hard time dealing with it.  It was good to talk to someone similarly afflicted face-to-face, although I cried through much of the conversation.  He just got a new dog, who essentially chose him, not the other way around.  He made a good comment, not to let this kill me.  I have several times thought that life without my Bear is unlivable.

Just now I was in a store, and lady who I know commented that she hadn’t seen me and Bear in a while.  I thought that I was getting a bit better, but broke down into tears again.  It is still not getting easier.

Good luck tomorrow with your foot surgery.

  • Like 1
  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

That's a sad story of the guy who came by to see you, after all their adventures. It was nice of him to come to see you. I'd have been in tears during that conversation too. I met 2 people yesterday who I'd not seen in around 9 months, the first thing they say is oh where is Goldie. Tears started so I'd to leave. Its all so difficult to live with. I like his comment not to let this kill you. Yet I still feel that life is unlivable. It really helps to know that we are not alone in our feelings 

Gary 

  • Like 1
  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

John, no, I didn't know they made them for the hands, my husband had some compression socks for his diabetes.  Will have to look into

Phil, I'm sorry it's so painful, I just don't know any way around the pain, it's part of the process we go through, believe it or not, these tears actually are doing the work of processing your grief so it's not for nothing.  I just wish it didn't have to be so painful though.  

  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

KayC,

There are different versions from different sources, you can even buy them from some craft stores for helping ease the cramping, etc. I found mine on Amazon you just need to know your size of hands.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

OldTrojan,

I would probably cry too IF anyone mentioned any of my "lost" friends but sadly "we" had stopped walking the dogs when soon after MIL moved in. I would try to walk Catahoula but it was too difficult to fit into "life" because even though it was good for us both, too much to do too little time and then suddenly the time is gone. I have a "gravesite" that now has 7 of our friends buried in it and can see it outside the kitchen window and it makes me sad but.....I don't know if I will ever "get" another dog because I am not a youngster and I hate the thought of anything happening when I die because we tried to make the lifelong commitment of caring for all of them and I had actually said to my wife that I didn't want any NEW animals before she got her kittens for that reason as we were getting older. BUT then I could never say no to her. I had said to someone the other day MAYBE at some point I might see about helping out at a shelter and then see what happens. But as you know when they die it tears you apart and it is and has always been hard for me although sometimes it was a little less so because we always have many animals and of course my wife was here and we could help each other get through the loss and I don't have that now.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

My hands are the least of my worries right now, I'm in the most extreme pain I've ever felt in my life following my foot surgery yesterday, they gave me nothing for pain.  I had to take a ten year old Vicodin last night on top of my sleeping pill in order to get to sleep.  Can't even touch my skin way outside of the bandaging, searing hot pain.

Phil, I know all too well the pain of the heart, it's the worst we can feel of that I'm sure, sometimes I don't know why I didn't die of a broken heart when my husband passed.  I knew when I lost Arlie I made it through losing my George so I would this too, but had I not had that experience already, IDK.  Thinking of you today.

If there was a shelter in my town, I might have considered the same, John, but the nearest is about 70 miles from here.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

KayC,

8 hours ago, KayC said:

Can't even touch my skin way outside of the bandaging, searing hot pain.

I'm not a Doctor, but that doesn't sound right, and neither does the no pain pills except everyone is worried about Opioid abuse. I hope everything gets less painful in the next few days as nobody likes feeling that way.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

My friend George explained it to me how the nerves work but I don't retain it in my brain well enough to relay it, anyway he reassured me both about that and the rise in BP & BS due to the pain.

  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
OldTrojan

Hi Kay:

I’m sorry to hear that you are in so much pain.  It would seem that your surgeon was very remiss in not providing pain meds.  Years ago when I had a painful injury, my doctor told me that he could prescribe prescription-level ibuprofen (600mg), which was expensive,  or I could buy cheap generic ibuprofen (200mg each) and take three rather than the usual two.  Perhaps check with your doctor and see if this is a temporary help.

I hope that you are better soon.

  • Like 1
  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

KayC,

I can attest to the BP and BS increase since MIL had both issues and when she would have "issues" BS which was "brittle" already was very hard to manage. My friend who died was in the Hospital years ago and his BS was in the 700 range because he had his 2nd stroke and it took awhile to be able to manage that issue, it worked out for him but was scary and I had asked his Doctor and he said yes it is common. Hope that you are feeling better and the pain is getting easier to deal with, of course it would have to be a Holiday weekend which probably makes it hard to reach Doctor for advice on how to deal with it.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

My friend George works for two doctors and said the laws have changed more recently and they have restrictions on prescribing pain meds, they can't give you a Rx "in case you might need it" you have to BE in severe pain first and then go in person to the doctor to get it!  So I owe an apology to the doctor for every bad thing I thought about her, EXCEPT she should have prepared me and did not include any info on taking Tylenol/Ibuprofen or icing/elevating extremities esp. since the feet are very different from arms/back, etc. I think there should be an exception for "in case of..."  JMO

Ibuprofen raises my BP, which I continually battle, and Tylenol raises both BP and BS which I'm working to keep down also.  That's all she suggested.

Anyway, sorry for derailing your thread, pain has a way of grabbing our attention!

Thinking of you both in your recent losses, holiday weekends don't help any, do they?

 

  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

KayC,

No sadly that phrase is a definite trigger for me for reasons stated many times, mostly it was our time always and a constant reminder of what is missing as if I need one. It is bad that people who abused drugs made it hard for people who really need them in every way.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thank you both...today used to be the best time of the year, it was when my family went camping and enjoyed Labor Day before the trek back to work/school.  Now it's just another day alone.  And a very smokey one at that (Oregon...Middle Fork Complex fires air quality was 1786 yesterday!)  If George were here we'd have gone camping if we had to travel across the state to find someplace that wasn't smokey.  

  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
1 hour ago, KayC said:

today used to be the best time of the year,

That's the same for me, except it was every weekend or whenever we were together. She really liked the summer because that was when we had a greater chance of having company over for a cookout and "officially" this would be the last of the year although it would be weather related more than anything else. But this is just another trigger as I said before.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
OldTrojan

Hi Gary:

Yes, sad story about the yachtie losing his 15 year old dog/first mate.  I used to joke with him that the dog, Jack, did his navigation.  When they came ashore here, our three dogs (then) were confused as to what the little 5lb creature was.  Jack was so unusual that they were sort of celebrities.  I ran into him probably less than once a week, so we were acquaintances, not really friends, per se.  I saw him about two weeks after Jack had passed away, and he was sad, but not the basket case that I am.  Some folks are stronger than others, I guess.

Exceptionally kind of him to come see me and try to help.  It meant a lot to me.

Tomorrow will be Wednesday here on our side of the dateline, and the six week anniversary.  It will be as bad for me as the previous Wednesdays, and I’ll have to stay home.  I’m still waiting for the pain to ease.  Six weeks is a long time.

I am considering temporarily removing Bear’s picture from my screensaver, as it sets me crying.  Especially when I shut the computer down at night, when I say “good night” to him.  Our usually nightly routine was to give him a little treat, a final backscratch, and a kiss on the head.  The last time I scratched his back and kissed his head was just before putting him in his grave, and that awful image is stuck in my brain.

Phil

  • Like 1
  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Phil, I like how you say that Jack did the navigation, that's funny. I agree that some people seem stronger than others, I'm always emotional, I wear my heart on my sleeve. I go to the bedroom at some point every day I take a picture of Goldie. I do a short meditation, then look at his picture and try to connect. So I'm still spending time with him, just in a different way. I know when you say about routines. That's so difficult to accept that these times are gone. I talk to him all the time though , I'm sure he hears. I'm just going along now without much purpose, last year at this time days were fun,it's so different now. I'm always here for you Phil. 

Gary 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Phil, when I lost my sweet husband, his pictures went up on the wall, down, up, down, until finally they were up to stay...it depended on how it made me feel, if it brought me comfort or tears.  It's very hard getting used to living with loss.

Where do you live that you're a day ahead?  

I love your sharing...

  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

KayC, OldTrojan, Gary55

After my wife died I ordered and put up pictures of her on the walls, when she was alive she wouldn't let me have any of her out where anyone would see them. Now I talk to her everytime I pass one as well as whenever I "want" to. As for talking to my "friends" I have multiple screensavers and pictures of them and I do tell them I miss them, kinda "funny" though my Catahoula Leopard dog was deaf and now he would be able to hear me in Heaven. I am crying as I am typing this thinking about that "fact" I miss them all so much and I mean my wife too along with all of the "friends" I lost in the last 21 months. Everything is a trigger for me.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
OldTrojan

Kay, Gary, John – Thanks for the comments.  At the moment Bear as my screensaver is too painful of a reminder that he is gone, and I may delete it temporarily.  I hope soon that I can look at his picture with just love.

Where do I live, with my references to dateline, tides, lagoon and sailing?  I’m in Majuro, Marshall Islands.  Fairly obscure place in fairly obscure Micronesia.  The country has 5 small islands and 26 atolls.  Majuro is just 9° past the dateline at 171°E.  Not much history to the Marshalls.  In its centuries of sailing supremacy and colonization, Spain decided that it owned Micronesia, including the Marshalls, although it had little presence here.  At the end of the 19th century Spain sold its Micronesian Islands to newly formed Germany, which had a small benign presence here, mostly for copra, which had value then.  In 1914 at the outbreak of WWI, Japan took Micronesia from Germany, and spent 25 years militarizing the islands, and  many of the people here were victims of Japanese atrocities.  US Navy and Marines in WWII fought some vicious battles here, especially Kwajalein, as they moved across Micronesia toward Japan.  My father’s Army days were spent fighting across the Pacific toward Japan, but not here.  The war ended for him after the bloodbath at Okinawa (purple heart), when the war ended after the atomic bombing.  Otherwise he would have been part of the huge invasion of Japan, and, as he put it, I might not have been born.  The Marshalls are the eastern end of Micronesia.  Majuro was unimportant then, as the Japanese HQ was at Jaluit.  But Majuro was a convenient location for the Navy to launch air strikes against the fortified islands, and became the administrative center.  It is the capital today.

After the war, the Marshalls were administered by the US under a Trust Territory mandate from the UN.  People my age remember the Marshalls as the site of American atmospheric nuclear testing.  Originally they used Enewetok, and for some reason moved the testing to Bikini.  Back then a French bathing suit designer was going to name his new two-piece creation the enewetok, but changed to bikini when the testing moved.  Otherwise we’d be talking about women wearing small enewetoks.  There is a sad legacy of health problems from this era.  The few people who lived in Enewetok and Bikini were relocated before the testing.  But a wind change at one of the tests blew fallout over two sparsely populated atolls, affecting the people there.  The four affected atolls are only partially habitable today.

At the end of the war there were only 9,000 people in the Marshalls.  Like most third-world countries they have had astronomical birthrates, with all of the attendant problems, and there are now 55,000 people here, and 35,000 living in the US.  There is a Marshallese community in Salem, which Kay may know about, but most are in Hawaii, Guam and Arkansas.

The Marshall Islands became independent in 1979.  The former TT districts westward of here of Kosrae, Pohnpei (formerly Ponape), Chuuk (formerly Truk) and Yap formed The Federated States of Micronesia as an independent country in the early 1980’s.  Palau became independent in the early 1990’s.  All are heavily dependent on US money.

You are now more knowledgeable about Micronesia than 99% of the world.  Sorry for the length, but for a brief while I was diverted from the 6th Wednesday anniversary,

Phil

  • Like 1
  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I did some looking for info here: https://www.britannica.com/place/Marshall-Islands
I never even knew about these islands, nor did I know there is a community in Salem.  It says the minority speaks English, so what is the native language?  Very interesting, and makes me wonder how they missed all this in school!  I have a feeling there's a lot they didn't teach us and so much has changed since I was in school.

Very interesting, Phil, and I bet it's beautiful!  No wonder the sailing!

And hey, anything that provides a minute diversion...:wub:

  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

OldTrojan,

Thanks for the history lesson. I don't know how the future will unfold as far as my various "anniversaries" of my deaths as there have been so many. I was triggered last month when the one company that I used to buy pet products from sent a birthday card for the last Chihuahua we had and I had to have euthanized in June even after I had contacted them after his death and removed him fro the account so it wouldn't happen. Not a good day, but as I said there are so many all I do all day is cry sometimes for "no" reason even though there are many. It is harder some days than other but for me they are all hard and yes I have brief moments like you that I am distracted and it is rally hard for me at night.

KayC,

When our son was in school, it seemed like all the "System" was teaching was how to pass the tests that got more funding for the schools so they could continue the testing for more funding for the testing......This was just what it seemed like to my wife and I because the schedule of testing was so frequent and it wasn't for the students benefit because it took away from what you would think should be taught.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
OldTrojan

Kay – I knew about the Marshall Islands as a kid I the 50’s from stamp collecting.  I had a Marshall Islands stamp from the turn of the century, which was a regular German stamp with “Marshall Iseln” printed over it.  We had World Book encyclopedia at home, which I used to look up information about countries from which I had stamps.  Also, I knew of the Marshalls (but no real details) from the news reports in the days of atmospheric nuclear testing in the 50’s-60’s.  We learned nothing in school.

I forgot to mention that Kwajelein, the site of such difficult fighting in WWII, today is leased by the Army as a military base.  It is the southern end of the Pacific missile test range.  The ICBM’s that are tested from California land in the Kwaj lagoon, which is the largest in the world.  The lease has created a number of local millionaires.

Marshallese speak their own language.  Polynesia was settled sequentially by the same people, so a Polynesian from Samoa in the west of the region could converse with Polynesians in French Polynesia in the east, the Cooks or Niue in between, or Hawaii or New Zealand in the north and south.  Their languages evolved a bit differently over so many years, but the root language is the same.  In Micronesia, the languages are different, implying separate groups of voyagers at different times.

John – I know what you mean about triggers, as it happens to me often.  No way to prevent my emotional reactions, yet.  A couple of nights ago I was reading a mystery novel, and the principal character went into uncontrollable crying and grief when his dog died.  I had to put the book down; I don’t know if I will go back to reading it.

Phil

  • Like 1
  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Kay, Phil, John,

Fascinating stuff thank you for the history. I knew none of this at all. I think we are told about some stuff and perhaps deliberately not told of other things in history. I'm also glad it helped you writing this. 

John, triggers are everywhere, it seems they are unavoidable. I can't believe how many there are. I don't really know if pictures are good or not so good. I'm glad I have some but so sad to look at. I really don't know what to think. 

Kay, thank you for being here for everyone. You've had so much on your plate, yet are here to help others. It's so much appreciated. 

 

  • Like 1
  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
23 hours ago, John9 said:

When our son was in school, it seemed like all the "System" was teaching was how to pass the tests that got more funding for the schools so they could continue the testing for more funding for the testing......This was just what it seemed like to my wife and I because the schedule of testing was so frequent and it wasn't for the students benefit because it took away from what you would think should be taught.

My son is a genius, he taught himself in school, "Independent Study" they called it.  The school was CONSTANTLY picking him "randomly" for testing, it upped their scores and helped them, they also used him to tutor, build/repair computers, do lighting/sound, etc.  I finally had audience with them and told them to STOP IT!!  I told them to get my permission before they did that again.  I was angry that instead of helping HIM or putting HIS best interests first, they used him for their own purposes.  He may be smart but he was still a minor and didn't need the adult responsibilities dumped on him so heavily.  I know EXACTLY what you're talking about and feel the same.

12 hours ago, OldTrojan said:

I had to put the book down; I don’t know if I will go back to reading it.

I went through the same thing when my Arlie died, both my sisters gave me a book about a dog dying, God it killed me!  It was maybe a year before I could read the last chapter.  I already figured it out and couldn't go there...
Your feelings are normal in grief.  We get it.

Thank you for the information on where you live, I never knew!  So much about world history I never learned, what they taught us was limited and biased and some of it downright lies.  For instance they taught us Columbus discovered America.  No he didn't, people were already living there!  My late husband was Native American, the US didn't recognize his tribe because it wasn't as big as Cherokee for instance.  How do you just "not recognize" a tribe!  It's not like they didn't existL!

6 hours ago, Gary55 said:

You've had so much on your plate, yet are here to help others. It's so much appreciated. 

It is nice to touch base with friends, virtual or otherwise as my sister has turned against me viciously, I've had to block her on my phone, I've heard dementia can display like this, now I see it, my BP can't take it, I need to protect myself so I can be here for Kodie.

  • Like 1
  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I read the Britannica article about the Marshalls, and it had a few errors.  The biggest was the comment that it encompasses 180,000 square miles, when the number is actually 750,000.  Quite a large area that is almost entirely ocean.  Atolls have very little land mass.

We lost another of our little dog community.  I’ve mentioned the small store whose owners adopted the puppy that Bear found (named Emi), and the big dog who lives behind them who was Bear’s best pal (named Marcus).  We visited three times a day.  An odd small female dog started hanging out there about 5 months ago.  Her body looked like a small corgi, but with a different round shaped head.  She really liked Bear and me and we played with her, too.  I always laughed when she ran to greet us on her very short legs, wagging her little stub of a tail.  She was killed by a car.  I’m very saddened, but it is not real trauma for me.  Bear was a magnet for friendly dogs, and he was very social with other dogs (but not people).  Four of his pals that we played with on our walks have disappeared, and I assume them to have been traffic deaths.  Very common here and very sad.  A common denominator with Bear's friends is that they do not seem to be well cared for.  I take big ticks off of all of them.

The man who owns Marcus got a new puppy (named Brownie) a month ago.  So, there are three dogs there now.  It seems sort of a rescue as he took him when someone else had to hurredly get rid of him.  He doesn’t seem to really want another dog.  He’s about three months old now, and will be a big dog.  He keeps Brownie tied up during the day to keep him out of trouble.  I’ve been walking him at lunchtime so that he gets some exercise and isn’t so bored.  He often cries when he’s tied up.  I offered to Emi’s people to walk her then, also, but they said that they did so.  Strange people in many ways, and they do not take as good care of her as I would have liked.

Kay, I second Garry’s comment that you are here for us, but have so many problems of your own.  We appreciate your generosity with your time to help us.  Thank you so much.

Phil

  • Like 1
  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
11 hours ago, OldTrojan said:

I offered to Emi’s people to walk her then, also, but they said that they did so.

How can a dog have too many dog walkers?  Or too much love/attention!  I don't understand them either. :(  I'm close to everyone's dogs in my neighborhood, they know me as the lady with the treats that also pets them and rubs their ears.  I still miss Joe, the chow that injured my hands so bad, he doesn't understand why I don't come for him anymore, it breaks my heart.  I love him.

Joe1.jpg

  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

KayC,

When we first got our Catahoula, because he was deaf we got what I believe was called a gentle lead which was a "harness" that slipped around the head and snout and you control them by the same theory as a horse. Where the nose goes so goes the dog. Worked great for me because like I said he was deaf so even hand commands didn't work well if he couldn't see me. I miss all of my friends equally but it hurt when he died because like when my wife died it was sudden and unexpectedly and he was our youngest dog, actually at the time he was our youngest in general until my wife got her Oriental Shorthair kittens in July 2020. I wouldn't expect you to buy the lead to walk someone else's dog but if he is hard for anyone it might be something the owner can look into.B)

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

It won't work on a biter, I trained Arlie on one but Kodie fought me on it for a year so I gave up and used a leash that goes around my waist so it pulls at my torso rather than my hands, which I can't take.  They can "flip off" the gentle leaders if they don't want to wear them. 

The owners of Joe were not truthful with me about him being vaccinated and concealed he'd bitten them all, even their young son, so I won't walk him anymore, but my heart still loves him and breaks for him.

  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Kay:

Joe is a pretty dog – long fluffy fur.  You can’t tell from my only picture of Bear, but he was a fluffy guy, too.  People seem to want to pet fluffy dogs more than short hair, for some reason.  Bear was very social with other dogs, but scared of people, and would not let anyone other than me pet him.  I assured disappointed people that it was nothing personal about them, but people in general.  I have no idea why he was like that.

It’s a shame that Joe was a biter.  I really know nothing about training dogs.  Some dogs don’t really bite, but nip when they want attention.  Bear was not like that, but his older brother was for a while.  When he did that I’d grab his muzzle and hold his mouth shut (gently), which he did not like.  Eventually he realized that nipping resulted in his muzzle being held, and he stopped.  A couple of dogs here who frequent the courthouse lawn and were Bear’s friends do that on “our” morning walk, when they are happily seeking a backscratch, but so far holding their muzzles hasn’t stopped them.  The new puppy that I walk has been doing that, but less so after I’ve been holding his muzzle.

Bad news a couple of days ago.  I’ve lost track of many of my friends back home, 19 ½ years after sailing away from Los Angeles.  Many of them in retirement have moved away from the LA (and California) problems.  One of those who I had not heard from in a long time somehow found my new e-mail address, and informed me that one of my best friends, who I had lost track of, had passed away.  It was like a shot to the solar plexus.  We’d been good friends since my first job after graduating in 1973 when we met at work.  Both alums of the same university (although he was six years ahead of me) and both football season ticket holders.  In my mind’s eye he, and everyone else back there, is as he was when I last saw him nearly twenty years ago, not as the 80 year-old guy that he was when he passed.  The reality is that they have all aged as much as the old guy that I see in my bathroom mirror.

I’ve been thinking of all of the good times we had over the years, but am still terribly saddened.  I wonder what is wrong with me that Bear’s death has affected me so much worse.

  • Like 1
  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

OldTrojan,

I am sorry to here about another loss in your life, personally I believe it hurts now more because you are already in grief mode. I am and have been for almost 2 years and everything seems to add to the sadness I am feeling. I agree that the old man in the mirror and the people we haven't seen in awhile don't always look the same as we remember. When my wife died and one of her friends sent some pictures of the last time they had met for a get together, my wife looked the same but her friend didn't and then realized that was over 7 years before she had died. It is too easy to lose track and as we get older the losses just seem to come sooner. This is just my observation and is probably made worse by all I am going through and the fact that we really had no friends when my wife died and her friend stopped all "talking" with me.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
10 hours ago, OldTrojan said:

Eventually he realized that nipping resulted in his muzzle being held, and he stopped.

:D  Good idea, it worked!

 

I got bit by my neighbor's new dog yesterday, German Shepherd.  It was my fault, I'd just given him a treat and then reached up to pat him on the head.  I had heard not to do that but have never had a dog bite me for it.  Ken explained that although this dog is almost two, no one had ever worked with him, the dog doesn't know me, so he was protective of himself.  I'm okay, small punctures and bruised, but mostly it hurt me inside, I went home and bawled.  Ken followed me, I don't like people to see me cry and I couldn't stop myself, he gave me a bear hug, I felt embarrassed at my stupidity and am not used to people seeing me vulnerable, I've been alone so many years.  Kodie kissed me and was very attentive to me, very concerned as he knew I was upset.  A few hours later I tried again, they had him restrained and told me what to do, it went well, I felt I had to "get back on the horse" so to speak so I wouldn't be afraid of him.  I know they'll train him fine, like they have with their other dogs, but it'll take some time.  He's the prettiest German Shepherd I've ever seen. 

I am sorry to hear of your friend's death.  That finality of knowing you won't run into him again in this life can feel gut wrenching!  (although I must admit I had to look up solar plexus :D )

10 hours ago, OldTrojan said:

I wonder what is wrong with me that Bear’s death has affected me so much worse.

There is NOTHING wrong with you!  My dog's death hit me as hard as my husband's death!  It's hard to compare, in some ways harder, as dogs don't ever do us wrong, they're so loyal!  But my husband's death was more encompassing in many ways, it's hard to compare as they're just different losses, but Arlie was my sole (and soul) companion for 10 1/2 years!  That's longer than I KNEW my husband!  It definitely hit me harder than my parents or sister even, friends, Arlie was in my life day in, day out, saw me through loss of job, retirement, injuries, everything.  

  • Like 1
  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

KayC,

I agree about the unconditional love of animals, our Catahoula death was hard because it was unexpected, the Chihuahua's deaths were hard because we are never ready to lose them. But nothing has been as hard as my wife's death and I think that is for many many reasons, too many deaths too soon and unexpected on top of everything else. As I said before grief is personal and nobody can tell you that it was just an animal, because that is like saying it was just your "spouse" or.....Only the people who have gone through "it" know it.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I had a scare with Kodie, he ate 1/3 of a small cardboard takeout container (never having those around again!) and was listless, whimpering yesterday, wouldn't eat or play, I was seriously worried about obstruction, decided to give it one day to wait/watch, he pooped it out in pieces, I hope nothing is lodge somewhere, but he's pooping peeing, eating, drinking and finally smiling again, pulling on his walks!  I think walking helped, I keep hearing in my mind a vet telling me years ago when Arlie ate a huge container of dog food that walking aids digestion (he couldn't even sit down!) my son and I walked him until midnight!  He pulled through.

  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I was locked out of this forum for a week and a half, which was very frustrating.  Half of the time I received a message that I was locked out and to try again later.  Then it simply would not accept my username or perhaps password.  I sent daily e-mails to the website asking help, but got neither help nor the courtesy of a reply.  Tuesday I tried to change my password, which for some reason got me back in.  This morning it would not accept my new password, and I had to change it again.

Yesterday was another Wednesday, number eight, and I stayed home as usual.  It rained much of the day, and I couldn’t do “our” walk at 7.  As usual in rain, I put on my old foul weather jacket and still visited Bear and talked to him in the rain, tearfully.  Almost two months and I still am so emotional.  This morning I was in the grocery store and ran into an acquaintance who had heard about Bear and offered his condolences, and, although I had thought that I was doing better, simply had a meltdown.

To digress a moment, rain is critical for atolls, as they have no ground water or any other water source other than rain, so rain is captured in tanks from roofs.  If no rain, no water.

Since I sailed away from Los Angeles, I changed e-mail addresses twice, although I thought that I had notified people with whom I usually corresponded.  Several of them also changed e-mails.  So, I lost track of most people at home.  I was delighted to hear from one of them a few days ago, although the news was sad of the passing of a friend.  My current e-mail was then shared with some other people, who, in turn, shared it with others, so have heard from several.  Bad news kept coming over the last two days, as eight names were added to the list of old friends who have passed away.  One was my best friend from college whose old email stopped working years ago.  Good people who are gone.  I missed them when they were just distant, but more so now.  The sadness of aging.  I long for something positive in life.

  • Like 1
  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Kay

Dogs seem to have no common sense when it comes to eating whatever they find on the ground.  Bear loved bits of garbage.  This was a problem here for a couple of reasons.  First, I only have one eye, and it doesn’t work all that well, so he always beat me to junk on the ground so I rarely could prevent it.  Second, the local people throw trash and garbage everywhere, littering on a scale that shocks first world people.  As far as I know, this is unique in the Pacific, and it created problems when walking Bear.  The Marshalls, like much of the Pacific, still has traditional hereditary leaders that wield great power.  Below the chiefs are land owners, who are clan heads of the clan that owns the land.  I asked an educated Marshallese friend why there is so much littering  and he said that a Marshallese would not litter on the land where he lives and risk being kicked off it by a landowner, chief or paramount chief, but has no compunction about trashing out other peoples’ land.  I understand the former, but not the later.

I’m very glad to hear that Kodie came through OK.  Hopefully he learned a lesson.

  • Like 1
  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

OldTrojan,

Sorry for the loss of your friends but you are correct it is the sadness of aging. I live on a "county" road and close to a Metropark, with boating, fishing and such and I constantly "receive" gifts from all of people who stop at the traffic light on there way out of town. You know roll down the window and throw it out instead of using the trash containers in the park. My late wife and I were very lucky that our dogs never got ahold of anything when we walked them.

KayC,

I am glad that Kodie is okay. I know that our dogs don't understand how much they can scare us without even knowing it. You were probably very lucky the container was cardboard and not "plastic" or other material.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
13 hours ago, OldTrojan said:

I’m very glad to hear that Kodie came through OK.

I'm hoping he has, it can take up to a year before obstruction present total blockage, I learned this when my Arlie went through it, luckily his never did.  I was scared though and any time Kodie whimpers it terrifies me.

I sent you my and the moderator's contact info should you ever have this problem again.  This site isn't moderated as closely as my other forum but will usually respond within a few hours, I'm sorry you had that problem.

Some of the "papers" they use are made to be waterproof/resistant and do NOT break down in the body, like coffee filters.  I have to make sure to dispose those well away from Kodie as I use them to hold my "lettuce wraps" as they're so messy.  Lesson learned!

  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I went to take care of my grandkids (3 hours away)  yesterday, got surprised by a new dog who is VICIOUS and went through hell, Kodie could have been killed, I was terrified for him, but fortunately it was ME that got attacked instead.  I ended up driving myself to the hospital hours away and spent the night in there, getting home at 1:30 am, Kodie stuck in the car alone.  I have seven punctures and a lot of bruising, lacerations up to an inch, all on my left thumb and below it, my hand is 1 1/2 times it's normal size.  They're going to get rid of the dog, apparently he nipped Bethany too but he has aggression issues.  Kodie tried to stand up for me when he saw what the dog's intent was, I threw him back up onto the washer and commanded him to STAY, then the dog struck, so glad it wasn't Kodie, it would have been fatal for him.  And glad my grandkids are okay, although normally dogs know their pecking order in a family and know it'd not go well for them if they hurt the kids...evidently he didn't apply that to me, he doesn't know me.  He is one of the most beautiful dogs I've seen, Husky, usually they're not aggressive, don't know what's been in his background, he's ten months old, looks about 70 lbs.  It left me having to drive in the dark, which I haven't done in 8 1/2 years!  Can't get my hand wet and it hurts like hades.  8th dog bite inside two years!  

  • Sad 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

KayC,

I am so sorry that you are hurt and I hope you are alright and I am glad that Kodie and the grandkids weren't hurt. It is sad that the dog was aggressive and got you because you were just commenting recently about hurting your hand walking the other dog and him pulling you. You need to interact with the "toy" breeds (haha) although they can't get you too. I hope everything works out with your recovery.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Kay:

What a terrible story.  Fortunately Kodie was not the victim, or the grandkids.  How is your foot?

More bad news here.  A friendly neighborhood dog who was Bear’s best pal died.  Before Bear, he was Buddy’s best friend (Bear’s older brother, killed by my landlord).  Before that he was a friend of Momma dog.  He’d been coming to visit our dogs here for 5 years.  My friend for 5 years, too.  I used to do a brisk 45 minute walk every morning, and when I walked by where he lived, he’d want to play, and jumped up to get his head scratched.  Really personable dog who liked all people and dogs.  I called him “Mr. Friendly”.  He came here almost every day, but after 2 weeks he figured out that Bear was no longer here, and only came by 1-2 times a week.  Especially with Bear gone, I looked forward to opening my door and seeing him on my top step, which was his favorite hangout, with Bear a few steps below on the landing.  The person who told me of his death said that he looked to have died from eating something toxic.  It wasn’t a good death.  Nice dog who I miss.

Three days ago, the puppy that I’ve been walking every day died.  We were just getting that happy bond that dogs have with people.  Nice happy little guy who was getting good at playing fetch.  His owner said it looked like he had eaten something poisonous.  He let him loose at night, but tied him up during the day while he worked and when there was a lot of risky daytime traffic.  He’s guessing that he ate something bad while loose.  I miss him too.

This is a difficult place for dogs.  A few years ago my landlord told a new arrival not to get too attached to her new dog, because they don’t live long here.  Sadly true.  Bad dogs are also a problem here, with lots of dog bites.  I stopped my long morning walks last December due to this constant threat.  I had to walk with rocks to fend off aggressive dogs.  The weekly local newspaper reported a few weeks ago that hospital treatment for dog bites has increased significantly.  Almost all of the good dogs here have scars from dog fights with the aggressive ones..

  • Like 1
  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

OldTrojan,

I am sorry to hear about all of your canine friends or Bear's friends. That would really make it hard for me after losing all of my own dogs. My wife worked at a Veterinary clinic and after seeing the horror stories at work she hated seeing them or hearing about them and this would make her very sad. I hope the reason for the canine deaths is not someone trying to get rid of the aggressive dogs by leaving out poisoned "food".

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

A lot of trauma in my hand, this is the same one Joe bit, ER doctor said I had a lot of arthritis for my age there, yeah, too much trauma, also dermatologist was overly aggressive and caused me problems in the same place.  Three major traumas in one place is too much.  When I removed the gauze this morning I discovered the largest laceration did NOT glue shut as it was still bleeding.  Put Neosporin and bandage on it and will call my doctor when they open.  It's a hard place to heal or keep free of moisture, etc, my first knuckle on my thumb.

I am so sorry you lost yet another dog friend!  It's hard to believe this is considered the norm there!  Why would someone let their puppy roam at night?!  For this reason, they should haves built a fence and protected him.  Too young to die.  It's hard for me to understand.  I'm so sorry you and your wife have witnessed too much of this.  Esp. for someone who loves animals and has a caring heart.

Foot (surgical) is doing well, one where I pulled tendons will take months to heal I'm sure, just trying not to set it off.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

It is emotionally taxing seeing so many nice dogs here dying.  Some I was very close to.  We just lost our friend of 5 years, and the new puppy.  A couple of weeks ago the nice short female who had been hanging out at the store with Marcus and little Emi was killed by a car.  Over the previous six months, four of the nice dogs that Bear liked to play with on the courthouse lawn disappeared, one at a time, and presumed killed in traffic.  Two were personal favorites of mine.  There is a sweet young female dog who I usually see and play with every day at the courthouse who I have not seen now in six days.  When she was a tiny puppy she loved Bear and would follow us home, and I'd have to carry her (in just one hand) back to the courthouse.  I’ll be terribly sad if she is another in the long list.

Unfortunately, it isn’t possible to fence an area when the puppy lived.  The large area behind the store is the maintenance yard of the big store that is in front of where I live.  There are apartments there (I believe 5) for their Filipino maintenance employees.  Most skilled labor here, and accountants and IT employees, are Filipino.  One of them owns Marcus, and the deceased puppy.  He built a wire cage/kennel about three feet wide and deep for Marcus when he was a pup, so that he wouldn’t be out loose at night.  He let him walk around during the day, though, and Marcus was hit by a car and broke his pelvis.  He survived, but his pelvis bone sticks out at almost a 90 degree angle now where it healed poorly.  He gets around OK with it.  No vet here, of course.  Marcus now never goes in the street.  He learned his lesson and is lucky to be alive.  The old cage/kennel is now Emi’s dog house.  Marcus’s dad told me that he wants another puppy, and will build another cage for the new guy.

Tough place for dogs.  The locals take very poor care of theirs.

  • Like 1
  • Sad 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

My son is searching for a new owner for the dog, it will not be easy, somewhere without children/pets and owners who are trainers or live in large city with dog psychologist (yes it's a thing) we only have them in Portland, nowhere in the smaller towns, not even Eugene or Salem.  I feel bad, the dog is so beautiful but I don't want to see him again.  It is a horrific memory.  Went to doctor yesterday and they didn't do anything, I discovered a laceration that was missed plus two others (including the largest, on my knuckle) did not glue as bled profusely so open wounds, I can't get my hand wet or lift anything.  Cooking/dishes/showers will be a challenge.  I can't get my fire handlers gloves on because of too much swelling, had to build a fire yesterday as temps dropped 40 degrees this week.

OMG, I can't imagine no vet available!  We have to drive over an hour to get to one.  Poor Marcus, hard hard lesson!  I wonder why people don't build fences to protect their dogs?

  • Sad 1
  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

KayC,

I am sorry for all of the issues you are having with your hands. I hope you have a chance to recover and break this cycle, some injuries are very hard to treat. My wife had so many times where she injured herself at work and wasn't supposed to get her hands wet BUT being a pet groomer whose hands were always in water and she couldn't wear gloves so she never listened. I am not telling you not to listen I am saying that because I know how hard it will be. Many years ago when she was pregnant I bathed the dogs for her, but now that wasn't possible for many reasons and it seems like a "lifetime" ago. This was one of the reasons we were looking forward to being able to relax after everyone we were caring for passed away, less stress and hopefully less injuries although she had some close calls at home with knives too. I hope your son has luck finding the dog a home but dogs that have bitten are a whole different issue.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.