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My Beautiful Boy is Gone


Arielyn211

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Arielyn211

Yesterday at 12:05 am I received a call that my intelligent, creative and vibrant 24 year old son had been found dead of a suspected overdose,  He was at the home where he grew up and lived with his father.  He was seated at his desk and lay face down for almost a day before he was found.  Last week my husband was diagnosed with T cell lymphoma, and my ex was, when Brendan died, in the hospital for a pulmonary embolism.  I can’t take much more,

I feel like if I speak or if anyone touches me that I might explode into a million tiny pieces—that I will become untethered somehow and drift.  I am being asked to make arrangements for my baby when I can’t even raise myself out of bed.  I don’t want a viewing.  I don’t want to meet his “friends” and wonder which one sold him the drugs that killed him, I am angry at his father, his girlfriend, his friends, and him.  How could he leave us when he was so loved and so needed?

So sorry if this vent is inappropriate.  I keep reaching in a thousand directions hoping that I will turn a corner and somehow find peace and the ability to string together a coherent sentence without dissolving into nothing.  

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There is nothing the least bit inappropriate about your post.

I am so very sorry about your son.  I received a visit from the local police almost 4 years ago (August 11) with the very same news.  My son was 27.  The heartbreak is just indescribable, and I wish I had words of comfort for you.  

Clearly your husband and your son's father are not able to help you through the next few weeks - not to mention the worry you must be going through with your husband's diagnosis. My first thought is that you need someone - a close friend, relative, pastor - who can help you sort out the arrangements and notifications that you are faced with.  These things have to be done, and I know from experience that it is extremely hard to hold it together.  Does anyone come to mind? 

I also understand the anger.  I am still working through that.  I went ahead with a funeral, viewing, etc because I knew that my son would have wanted that kind of send off.  I know I chose all of the wrong music - he probably rolled his eyes - but I hope he felt honored and loved in the end.  I have known other parents in similar situations who kept things completely private - no service, no obituary.  You should do whatever gives you the most peace and comfort at this time.  If you do not want to see his friends, that's okay.  You do not have to do anything you do not want to do.  This is a horrible event and a time of crisis - do not be surprised if you feel like you are falling apart.  This is normal.

I will be thinking about you and praying for you.

Susan

Aaron's Mom 2017

 

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Valerie Lockhart

Dear Arielyn211, 

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. Bouts of anger are often part of grieving, especially in cases of sudden, unexpected death. Each person grieves in his or her own way, and it would be unwise to judge the way you respond to tragedy. Please use this forum or speak to a friend who will listen and reassure you that such irrational feelings are common to many bereaved ones. The Bible reminds us: “A true friend shows love at all times, and is a brother who is born for times of distress.”—Proverbs 17:17. The best Friend a bereaved person can have is our Creator, Jehovah God. Pour out your heart to him in prayer because “he cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7) Moreover, he promises that all who do so will have their thoughts and feelings soothed by “the peace of God that surpasses all understanding.” (Philippians 4:6, 7) Also, allow God to help you heal by means of his consoling Word, the Bible. May the God of comfort take hold of your hand and walk beside you during this difficult time.

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