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Some Moments Hurt More Than Others


tnd

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I could not sleep in our bed anymore.  It's still here, but trying to sleep in it is a huge reminder of his not being here.  I sleep in our loveseat recliner, I don't know why I feel comfort there and not in our bed, but I've learned to do what brings comfort instead of pain, and things hit us all differrently.

7 hours ago, tnd said:

I want to tell them to stop acting stupid and do something constructive and positive and....to love and care for people.

Yes.  Our world has gone plumb crazy.

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3 hours ago, KayC said:

I could not sleep in our bed anymore.  It's still here, but trying to sleep in it is a huge reminder of his not being here.  I sleep in our loveseat recliner, I don't know why I feel comfort there and not in our bed, but I've learned to do what brings comfort instead of pain, and things hit us all differrently.

I didn't sleep in our bed for some time, then I moved to the spare room. After a while I started thinking that if I went to our bed he might come and hold me.

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6 hours ago, KayC said:

I could not sleep in our bed anymore.  It's still here, but trying to sleep in it is a huge reminder of his not being here. 

KayC:  Guess that is why I don't sleep under the covers anymore. I sleep on/in sheets on top of the comforter. Funny, the comforter is no longer a comforter...

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widower2
17 hours ago, tnd said:

I don't know when it hurts more; during the middle of the night when your lying wide awake and you look over and your loved one isn't there or when you're stressed out and they aren't there to help or to talk to. Regardless, it hurts. I don't even feel like myself anymore. It's like overnight I changed. I went from being happily married with my husband here at home every night to being "this strange person alone". Almost sounds like the title to a creepy movie. Won't be much longer now that my brother and the movers will be here and off I go to another state, into somebody else's home. I am grateful that my brother and his wife are taking me in but, I don't know who I am or what I'm to be now. Right now I feel like I am just existing. Sometimes literally from one hour to the next. And until I move, I can't enjoy what I use to here. 

I suspect that all sounds familiar to many of us here. I'm so sorry. For me bed time is the worst. There's a reason I don't get to bed until 2 or 3 AM most nights. I dread it. With our dog even it was hard, but now that he's gone, it's that much harder. 

And you're right. The world has gone mad. You said it all very eloquently. 

Hold on. It's a cliche but it's true in this situation: take it a day at a time. If necessary, an hour at a time. I wouldn't say this ever gets easy, but it does get easier. The pain will not stay so searing. It's not that the pain goes away, but it does become duller and more tolerable over time.

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53 minutes ago, widower2 said:

There's a reason I don't get to bed until 2 or 3 AM most nights. I dread it.

widower2:  Even if I get into bed at 10pm I am still awake at 2 or 3am. I could probably do a little cleaning then but being in an apartment I wouldn't want to wake the neighbors. So I either just lay there or move into the living room and sit in the dark. Sooo tired but sleep escapes me. 

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widower2

They say if you're not tired, don't go to bed. And I agree...just laying there accomplishes nothing. I know you said you don't watch TV but maybe read or browse the internet or...something. I'd rather do anything other than lay in bed wide awake.

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I do crossword puzzles. They require some concentration so they stop me thinking too much. I often don't go to sleep until after 3 am. I have pills I can take but they leave me groggy.

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Thank you, widower2 and LMR. Yes, if I can't sleep I get up. We can't force ourselves to sleep. And yet I am so tired! I use to watch silly animal videos and a little anime before calling it a day but just haven't been into it lately. And I used to love to read but my eyes are acting badly these days. I remember telling my husband that we needed to get back into the habit of reading in bed before turning out the lights. Somewhere along the way we stopped doing that and I don't know why. Maybe once I stop crying so often my eyes will want to read a good book. There are actually a lot of things I want to do, just not able to right now or in the mood. Guess it will be a while. But even so I want to still think about enjoying things again. Trying to keep my eye on the prize...

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