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John9

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11 hours ago, John9 said:

my wife's cats won't leave anything alone because they are troublemakers,

John9:  I suspect they get what they call "the midnite crazies" and also, when they are young they don't like to sit still very long. They're like little hellions. But yes, as they mature they settle down. They will still get rambunctious but not as often. I love my cats but actually prefer dogs. Unfortunately, we lost our Blue Heeler a few years ago (old age). Because of our ages now and lifestyle, my husband finally decided he wanted a little lap dog. A Chihuahua. At first he didn't want one but then started doing his homework and watched videos. He changed his mind about them. So, we agreed that when he came home from the hospital we'd finally go to the shelter and adopt one. Well... 

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John9:  Catahoula's are a special breed and require a lot of attention or else they can get into trouble. Our Blue Heeler was brought to my husband as a puppy abandoned at a race track. He was by far the best dog, very very smart. One time we had a very rebellious cat that ran out the back door. I don't know why but I hollered for our Blue Heeler to help me and pointed to the cat. Sure enough, our Blue Heeler demonstrated his herding instinct and reeled him in, all without having to bite him or any ha..violence. Those were still my early days around the dog but after that, I began teaching him all sorts of tricks. He was like having another person around. And we even let on 42 pounds of him up on the bed with us. As he got older, I'd lift him. Anyways, Catahoula's and Heelers are working dogs and they need things to do. They aren't for everybody. Cats...well, that too depends on the breed. I once adopted a cat that was actually a full bred Manx. And he was extremely energetic and rebellious. Got into everything. But after we married, he settled down for my husband and loved being rolled up in a blanket on his lap watching TV. Unfortunately, he got a saddleback thrombosis. But as much as I miss him and loved him, I will never get a Manx again. And after my cats are gone, if I can afford it or am able to even take care of one, I just might get a Chihuahua. They don't have to be "yappers" if you don't let them. People have to be willing to spend time with their pets before assuming they are "bad". 

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tnd,

Don't misunderstand me I loved my dogs.all of them and the female Chihuahua was a terror to the Catahoula she put him in his place all the time. When I said we made a mistake it was my wife should have been aware that the Catahoula might be deaf because he was a mostly white dog with blue eyes and that is not  good combo, but we stuck with him and he was a good dog. We had many different cats and each had their own "purrsonality" and none were like these 2. We had many different animals through the years and yes it helped that she worked at a Veterinary Hospital but WE believed we were good pet parents and did what was for their best in caring for them. I am too old now and not able but I would have another Catahoula in a heartbeat now that we had one.

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10 minutes ago, John9 said:

I am too old now and not able but I would have another Catahoula in a heartbeat now that we had one.

John9: That tells me that you enjoy the companionship that they can offer. Not everyone understands such dogs. A neighbor had 2 of them and they would bark at people walking past their fence. The walkers then would cross the street, obviously out of fear. But I'd go out every morning and as I passed by, I'd talk baby talk to them and they'd just sit and listen. Dogs are smart in the way that they can sense fear but also sense when someone truly likes them. Cats...not so much. They aren't as dependent on our interaction with them. Dogs need their human. Getting a Chihuahua would be one way I could honor my husband and carry thru with his wishes for one. But even the idea of having another pet will have to be thought of later on down the road. I hope your 2 cats will settle down so you can enjoy them more. They probably miss your wife, too.  

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tnd,

I am not sure if they had a chance to "know" her enough to miss her. I know some animals are very intelligent and maybe they do miss her but since they don't speak English I can't ask them (haha). I used to walk my Catahoula for an hour every morning and I had a vest made that "warned" people he was deaf as to not startle him because really that was the only issues I had since if he saw you he was okay but if you surprised him then he would go crazy. It was just funny that you knew what a Catahoula was because I haven't really ran into anyone that does. He used to jump into our bed when my wife would get up for work and he also thought he was a Chihuahua because he would climb into my lap in my chair and he absolutely loved sharing the couch with Grandma (MIL). These are all of the things that make the last 18 months so BAD, obviously not as much as my wife dying but all of the losses and changes are really hard and I know I am not saying anything you don't know or think about since you are having to make a big change on top of your loss by having to move too.

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2 minutes ago, John9 said:

He used to jump into our bed when my wife would get up for work and he also thought he was a Chihuahua because he would climb into my lap in my chair and he absolutely loved sharing the couch with Grandma (MIL)

John9:  Our Blue Heeler was the same way. He thought he was a lapdog. And he use to love being given orders or tasks to do (tricks). He was our son. I haven't had the repeated or rapid losses that you have so I can only imagine that it is extremely painful. A lot of sadness and heartache. When I was younger I lost 13 people in less than 2 years time. That was hard. And I remember grieving longer than the others did. But I didn't care, I cried when I was alone and if I wasn't in the mood to socialize, I didn't. One friend told me that I needed to get over it and to have a drink (we were at a party). Well, that was the last time I partied with those friends. I began writing letters to another friend far away about it all but would never actually mail them. They'd end up in the round file and I'd start another. Finally saw a therapist. She said the letter-writing was a very good idea and that in fact, she suggested that people do that or keep a journal. And she also told me that despite still grieving after a couple of years, it was normal. So I was right to take whatever time I needed. But that was a long time ago and none of the people I had lost were family members and certainly not my husband.   

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Diane R. E.

Hello tnd & John9; I am so sorry for all your losses, both human and animals (they too are family members). Anyway, I realize this is off topic, but you both sound like you know quite a bit about dogs and cats. I'm wondering if either of you (or anyone else on this forum) can give me advice on my new cat's behavior problem. I posted under a different topic that I adopted a 6 year old rescue cat, whose previous person died, and then was in a foster home for the last 4 months. She is a Snowshoe breed, and I believe she has a sweet nature. However, she learned to bite in the foster home to ward off the other 14 cats and a puppy, who she wanted nothing to do with. She also bit the foster parents when they tried to give her too much attention. I've had her for a month, and her biting is getting better, but has not completely stopped. She loves to be next to me and initially loves to be petted, but can only take so much. I really try to watch her body language and tail so I know when she's had enough petting, which usually works, but sometimes she reverts to biting (hard enough to draw blood). When that happens, I firmly say "no" and leave to room for a few minutes. Does anybody know any other way I should handle it? (I have no other pets and am alone since my husband died.) 

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Diane R.E.:  Kudos to you for adopting a rescue! Always glad to hear these stories. I think you are doing the right thing by leaving the room when she bites. Don't let her get away with it but I'd say she is still acting out from being in a shelter for so long. She will need more time but with discipline from you. My two cats often want to be petted at the same time and sometimes I am actually able to do that. But when I need them to take a turn, I wriggle my index finger in their face and say "No, No!". Not too close, just close enough that they know which one I am telling it to. As for them getting all worked up when I've been petting them, yes, that happens with cats and too much petting actually bothers them. The sensations go into overdrive, leaving them uncomfortable instead of enjoying it. So I've learned how long to pet them and then stop. Now we have a routine. When they're ready, they get up and leave. No more fussing. So you have to stop the petting or brushing before you think they've had enough. If they want more, they'll let you know. And be careful with the biting...if you are ever bitten on a knuckle or down to the bone, please see a doctor for a SHOT (not pill form) of antibiotics. Infections from bites can cause Osteomyelitis (bone infection) and could result in amputation.   

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Diane R. E.

John9; thank you so much for the article. I've been reading other articles too, but this one has been the most helpful. tnd; thank you for your insight - it really helps and also reassures me I'm on the right track. I adopted this cat because she seemed like a cat not likely to get adopted and who has been through her own trauma what with her person passing away and being thrust into a foreign environment. She's really pretty and sweet at heart, so we'll keep going one day at a time.

Miss Viola (2).jpg

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Diane R. E.

She is a "Purrty" cat. Really hope the article helps. Yes I am the guy who has always made bad "CAT" (Dad) jokes.

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Make sure you have an up to date tetanus shot too.

She's very pretty, I adopted a cat that had to be surrendered by her "mom" who had to go into assisted living, he was six, had him until he was 19.  He was a wonderful cat, I called him my greeter, and wouldn't you know, his name was George...I got him before MY "George."

Reminds me, I got a tat on my butt of George and my symbol and his signature underneath...when I showed it to my daughter that night, she said, "Mom!!!  What if you're ever with someone else?!"  Then she quipped, with head dropped, very somber, and said, "I always did love that cat..."  My daughter is pretty quick witted!

Anyway, a round-about way of saying I hope you have a long life with this cat and in time she'll relax and realize you as her new mom.  What's her name?

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KayC,

My wife had always talked about getting Tattoos of our Chihuahua's on her calves but couldn't find the right "artist" so she didn't ever get around to it. I never did the Tattoo thing because I always donated blood/platelets/plasma and the time for exclusion was too long so I didn't do it. I hate that there were things she wanted to do and never got to do because there was always going to be TIME. I hate how life gets in the way of living the way we wanted or thought about how it would be. All of the things put off because....

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Diane R. E.
3 hours ago, KayC said:

What's her name?

KayC; thank you for the encouragement. My kitty's new name is Miss Viola. The foster parents didn't know her original name and ended up naming her Murder Eyes because she has an intense gaze plus the biting and scratching. I changed her name to something positive but related - I named her after Viola Davis, who was the lead character in the TV series 'How to Get Away With Murder'. My husband and I really liked that series and thought Viola Davis did a fantastic job in playing her role.

3 hours ago, John9 said:

I hate that there were things she wanted to do and never got to do because there was always going to be TIME. I hate how life gets in the way of living the way we wanted or thought about how it would be.

John9; I'm so very sorry. That's how I feel too - Doug and I had just moved here from MN and were supposed to start enjoying our retirement. Life can be so cruel and unfair sometimes. Hugs to you and everyone on this forum.  

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Diane R.E.

Hugs to you too and thanks. That is a pretty name. When my wife "got" her kittens they were named by the breeder and I told her that you can't name an animal until you know them. I was pretty much the one who named the majority of our pets. We kept the original names for a couple of weeks and just HAD to change them because one was a klutz and she wanted to name him after Jerry Lewis so I said "Gerry with a G" (was Goblin) and the other was a climber so I said "Ethan"( was Fireball) like Tom Cruise from the Mission Impossible movies. I always joked that it didn't matter what their names were because "cats" don't listen but you need something for the chart at the Vet.

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On 8/1/2021 at 6:09 PM, Diane R. E. said:

I adopted this cat because she seemed like a cat not likely to get adopted and who has been through her own trauma what with her person passing away and being thrust into a foreign environment.

Diane R.E.:  It was good of you to give her a home. She's a lucky gal! You're doing the right thing, she probably just needs a lot of patience to get adjusted. She almost has the look of a little anxiety in her eyes. It will take time and then she'll love on you like there's no tomorrow. 

9 hours ago, KayC said:

Reminds me, I got a tat on my butt of George and my symbol and his signature underneath...when I showed it to my daughter that night, she said, "Mom!!!  What if you're ever with someone else?!"  Then she quipped, with head dropped, very somber, and said, "I always did love that cat..."

KayC:  That was funny. Ha Ha  

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On 8/1/2021 at 6:29 PM, John9 said:

Yes I am the guy who has always made bad "CAT" (Dad) jokes.

John9:  Hardi har har...:)  

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9 hours ago, John9 said:

I never did the Tattoo thing because I always donated blood/platelets/plasma and the time for exclusion was too long so I didn't do it

John9:  That's great of you to be donating blood/platelets/plasma. Just an idea but maybe you could donate on behalf of your wife. I don't know but they may have a way to enter her name as an honorary donor. If they don't, you could still show them her picture and tell them you are doing it for her. Might help in the way of being able to still do something for her. In the past I've donated to causes on behalf of other people. Maybe the blood blank has a program for that. 

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tnd,

My issue for the last few years with being able to donate was "TIME" I could only schedule when my wife was able to watch her Mother because really the Red Cross doesn't want my "blood" only the plasma or platelets and the donation take at least 2 hours with the paperwork and such and now without my  wife I can't donate because the Site is only certain days and times and can't take her with me. And they won't come to me (haha). I will/would donate in the future if possible but as we all know the future is not a given, I have to survive the current part of my life. I only mentioned that I donated to say why I couldn't get a tattoo IF my wife did.

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Diane, may you and Miss Viola have many happy years together!  That's a very pretty name...

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Diane R. E.

Thank you KayC! John9; my husband and I always named our cats for very specific reasons as well. (We had 4 different cats over the course of our marriage.) The one exception was a 5 year old rescue cat who came with the name of Roy. Turns out the name suited him perfectly! 

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7 hours ago, John9 said:

My issue for the last few years with being able to donate was "TIME" I could only schedule when my wife was able to watch her Mother

John9:  I'm sorry, I hadn't considered that. Well, you certainly gave of yourself by donating in the past. And you're still giving by caring for your MIL and by yourself, no less and at a time when you need to take care of yourself and grieve. You're in a difficult situation between wanting to do the right thing and needing to deal with your grief. And it's not like you can pick just one to deal with. It's hard for me to even imagine that, especially knowing how heavy and how hard grief is on us. 

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tnd, I understand, I may lose my home of 44 years to fire now, so long as I don't lose Kodie.  I don't know where I'll go, what I'll do, sometimes it's just too much.  I'm still making payments and can't afford another payment on top of this one.

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KayC,

I sure hope that you don't lose either but I understand that the priority is Kodie and I would be the same way. That is one thing that did worry my wife "WHAT IF" how can we protect our animals in an emergency round them up and transport them. As I wrote about we had 3 cats and 3 dogs that we lost in the last 3 years , most in the last 19 months. I now have her 2 cats but the fear is there what would I do. I could only hope that Insurance would come through quickly to make repairs (or replace) if it was necessary. But lives are more important than material things or that is what people say when it isn't about them just like grief I guess we are all full of advice if it isn't about us. I will stop here because now I am rambling.

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Gail 8588
1 hour ago, KayC said:

Ironically my house is scheduled to be painted this week, paint is already purchased.   . . .

Kay, 

Can you ask the painter to wait 2 weeks?  No sense in painting right now.  I imagine air quality is terrible anyway, so the workers doing the painting would probably appreciate the postponement. 

Good luck with everything!

Gail 

 

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Today is another totally "crappy" emotionally draining day. I have been losing it all day for no significant reason other than the reason I am on this site. I am a total wreck today, last week on her Birthday I understood it today I am not sure why. i know some here are dealing with much more than just crying but this is just so hard. I received a birthday card today for my (last) dog that I had to euthanize in June from "Chewy" even though I had removed him from the account as soon as I had it done so I wouldn't receive anything in his name. This is one of those things "we" have talked about on this site about people not doing their jobs. No matter what I do, things still come back and bite me in the butt and I have to do more work to correct someone else's mistake or laziness. All of this is so draining emotionally on top of everything else. I am just so tired of wondering and worrying about what else is going to go wrong because it seems like nothing is going right.

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Gail 8588

John9,

It doesn't help, but 'losing it for no particular reason' is a pretty common experience in grief. 

I think that generally I am fairly kind and supportive of people. But when I was lost in grief, particularly my first year, I had no patience for others and would frequently lash out with harsh criticism.  This was often directed at people who were actually doing a lot to help me.  (They must have felt they were experiencing 'no good deed goes unpunished'.)  I remember really yelling at this friend who had mistakenly put in the 'donate pile' the cables that would connect up the TV surround sound system.  He had been working  for days sorting through tons of stuff in the garages and shed.  It was hot dirty work in late summer in Florida. And rather than appreciating all he had done for me, I bit his head off yelling at him for losing those cables.  My son bought all the needed cables and offered to set it all up.  But 4 years later, I still haven't hooked up the surround sound system.  It is really not that important to me.  But I am so sorry I took out my anger and grief on my friend who was only trying to help me. 

But that's grief. We have all this pent up anger and injustice and it just boils over sometimes and we lash out at who ever is present. 

And heaven help those folks who I really had good cause to be angry with (such as the Doctor's office that kept contacting me for a year to schedule follow-up surgery for my dead husband.)  I really let them have a piece of my mind when they had exceeded my patience threshold. 

Sorry you are a wreck today. Hoping tomorrow will be a better day. 

Gail

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On 8/10/2021 at 11:12 AM, Gail 8588 said:

Kay, 

Can you ask the painter to wait 2 weeks?  No sense in painting right now.  I imagine air quality is terrible anyway, so the workers doing the painting would probably appreciate the postponement. 

Good luck with everything!

Gail 

 

He won't be painting, we got evacuated last night, may not have a house to come home to but still owe him for the paint he bought.

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Gail 8588,

Thank you for the comments, I was just venting and ranting because I feel I need to. I can't really talk to anyone when there is nobody to talk to, everyone I could is at work so I was just trying to release some "stuff" from my brain before I explode. I have just been crying all day long and everything triggers more tears and the tears make me sad so I cry more.....

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2 hours ago, John9 said:

I have been losing it all day for no significant reason other than the reason I am on this site.

I understand.  My anxiety was through the roof when they evacuated us last night, do not know what will become of my pets graves and where my husband's ashes were laid to rest.

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KayC,

I hope that it all works for you and mostly that you and Kodie are SAFE.

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KayC,

4 minutes ago, KayC said:

My anxiety was through the roof when they evacuated us last night, do not know what will become of my pets graves and where my husband's ashes were laid to rest.

I know that this is the last thing you need or needed but I hope all will be okay. This is the thing I keep saying about the hits just keep on coming and at the most inopportune times. I don't know how much "we" are supposed to handle or how we are supposed to keep on handling it.:sad:

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Gail 8588,

Both my wife and my friend who died in January both had commented that they didn't like the way the World was headed, BUT I don't think my wife at least wanted to leave it yet. I don't know if I want to be here for where it is headed if "WE" don't make some major changes. I really don't want to be here without my wife but it isn't up to me is it. i just hate hearing all of the "BAD" things on top of all the grief and other stuff I (and everyone else) am trying to deal with.

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foreverhis
52 minutes ago, KayC said:

He won't be painting, we got evacuated last night, may not have a house to come home to but still owe him for the paint he bought.

Kay, I am so worried for you. I know we’ll all be praying for you and Kodie. Look for an email from me.

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I feel the same as Diane, please try every church in your town  praying SOMEONE will come through!

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tnd,

I agree also and am still trying to think "outside" the box for some sort of solution that will fit the "rules". I hope maybe someone else can come up with something nobody has thought of. There has to be something out there for you. I also care about the comments and posts because they do "fit" the situation. I don't like the thought of you following through with your plan because it is your "only" option.

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