Unbelievable hurt

[WhoamInow]

Today is his birthday he would’ve been 63, in 4 days he’s been in heaven for 4 months. Our old yorkie Ben died on Monday. I ask you what more can be taken from me. Well the house, so tomorrow our home is going up for sale. So I’ve lost everything well not lost because if I’d lost it all I’d go take it back. I desperately want to be with my honeybee and my little Ben. I absolutely hate this life

[steveb]

WhoamInow,  I am so very sorry for your loss and pain. During my grief “journey”, the 3 to 6 month time frame was very bad for me.  My wife’s suicide put me in some very dark places. The second guessing and “what if’s” really got to me.  Never give up.  You have value, you are important … never forget that.   God bless, Steve

[tnd]

WhoamInow I am SO sorry about all this! My heart goes out to you! Dealing with all these sudden losses like that would definitely be too much to handle. I don't blame you for hating life right now. It's been very cruel to you. We have suffered different losses but I feel the same way; like I've lost everything. Over the years I've had the rug pulled out from underneath me so many times that now with the loss of my husband, maybe I don't even want a new rug. Maybe I don't want to rebuild my life without him. I realize I have to accept his death because no matter what, he's not coming back. But I don't want to accept that I have to move forward without him. It is so painful. Please try to be good to yourself and rest whenever you can. Having to go through the stress of selling your home while grieving is obviously a lot to deal with. I don't know what to say other than maybe take it one hour at a time, one block of time as you can possibly handle. Don't be afraid to come on here to vent or cry. We are all here. 

[LennyD]

Whoaminow,

• my thoughts and prayers are with you. These are terrible, tragic losses. I hope Florida is a positive move for you.  Lenny.

[WhoamInow]

Thank you all for just validating this sucks may god bless each of us. I know I need it

[KayC]

18 hours ago, WhoamInow said:

Today is his birthday he would’ve been 63, in 4 days he’s been in heaven for 4 months. Our old yorkie Ben died on Monday. I ask you what more can be taken from me. Well the house, so tomorrow our home is going up for sale. So I’ve lost everything well not lost because if I’d lost it all I’d go take it back. I desperately want to be with my honeybee and my little Ben. I absolutely hate this life

I am so sorry!  Another hit/another loss.  It does feel overwhelming at times.  I've felt like crying out/screaming, What more do you want from me!!!  But no answers...

Just know we hear you and we care, our hearts go out to you.  And then his bdy on top of it all...

I hope there's one for people too...

 

[tnd]

Last nite as I sat alone at the table with the realization that I've had no one here to hug me or hold my hand since my husband's death and it just hit me hard.  

[LMR]

17 minutes ago, tnd said:

Last nite as I sat alone at the table with the realization that I've had no one here to hug me or hold my hand since my husband's death and it just hit me hard.  

I feel for your heartache. I know just what you mean. Back in February I broke my wrist and once the cast was off I went for physical therapy. That first day when he took hold of my hand I burst into tears. He thought it was from the pain but in fact it was because nobody had held my hand for so long and in that moment I missed my husband so much I just wanted to die.

[tnd]

17 minutes ago, LMR said:

He thought it was from the pain but in fact it was because nobody had held my hand for so long and in that moment I missed my husband so much I just wanted to die.

LMR:  Thank you for sharing that. You understand what I mean. When I experienced death in the past, there was always someone there. But in my current situation I've got no one here. It just kind of adds to the grief. I am feeling sorry for myself but the fact is, there is no one here to even know that so I may as well get it out. I do a lot of self-talk.   

[LMR]

I'm also feeling sorry for myself. I've just been sitting here crying, this loss is too much.

Wish I could give you a hug.

[tnd]

LMR:  You did just give me a hug. That's why I am thankful to have found this site and make new friends with people who uderstand. None of us may be able to hug each other in the way we want to but sharing and caring offers me some comfort. It can't replace the warmth from of a physical hug or touch of someone's hand but comfort is comfort.

I remember a few weeks after my mother passed away I had a dental appointment. I got into the chair and then started bawling. The hygienist had to run and go get the dentist. When I finally calmed down enough to explain, I told them that the dental appt was my first outing since my mother had passed. Up until then, I had been going back and forth to the hospital for several weeks while ALSO taking my husband to his dialysis treatments for the first time. I'd take him, drop him off, then go check on my mother at the hospital then go back and pick up my husband. And for whatever reason, that first day out on my own without having to worry about my mother, I broke down. I don't know why it hit me that way. Maybe when I sat down in the dental chair and the hygienist was being so nice and caring it made me realize that I had been without that "cared for" feeling for quite some time. To finally feel that someone cared about me, even a dental hygienist, somehow gave me permission to release my tears. ??  

[Gail 8588]

I don't mean to imply it is in any way the same as feeling the touch of our loved one, but I personally think it is helpful to be touched by another human being.  So when I get my hair cut, I pay the extra to have the girl wash my hair.  I have paid for a few shoulder/back massages.  If you enjoy a manicure or pedicure, that would work too. 

I think there are mental health benefits from having a person touch you in a caring way.  Even if they have no idea how starved we are for some human touch. 

Anyway, I think it does help me. 

Gail

[AnnRA]

Gail 8588 And LMR  - You are absolutely right about the healing value of touch.  I heard those same stories about casts coming off, etc. So in the beginning of my grief, I found a good massage therapist and went twice.  Very healing, soothing. I have not been since, strangely, as I have been trying to deal with my head — re-organizing my life, going back to work, etc. 
My point is, we all need that touch, that comfort.  If there is any way you can afford it, do it.  I will do that ASAP.    

 

[tnd]

This "healing value of touch" has me wondering. Both of my cats beg for what I call "love and rubs". But the male likes being petted very differently than my female does. The male likes a lighter touch. And sometimes when I am gently rubbing his head, I actually start to feel so relaxed I nod off. That's why I call him my "comfort kitty".  The cats and I have this whole routine every day of how/when I will give them their love and rubs and if I don't participate, they let me know it. It's not the same as human touch but, their company and their requirement of this daily routine does help me some.   

[KayC]

12 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

I don't mean to imply it is in any way the same as feeling the touch of our loved one, but I personally think it is helpful to be touched by another human being.  So when I get my hair cut, I pay the extra to have the girl wash my hair.  I have paid for a few shoulder/back massages.  If you enjoy a manicure or pedicure, that would work too. 

I think there are mental health benefits from having a person touch you in a caring way.  Even if they have no idea how starved we are for some human touch. 

Anyway, I think it does help me. 

Gail

That's a good idea!  

To me, it was hard hitting the loss of touch.  But what hit me even harder is the realization I've gotten used to not having it.  Something very sad about that.  I remember driving to my son's, three hours away, and spending the night there and getting home only to realize we had not hugged.  It pained me.  I called him and told him what I'm telling you and asked him to take the initiative if I ever forget again.  Those rare hugs mean the world.  Esp. since Covid and social distancing at church, etc.  I hate it.

9 hours ago, tnd said:

That's why I call him my "comfort kitty".

I get it.  Since it's been hot I've been letting my puppy sleep with me in front of the fan rather than in his crate (no A/C).  He began the habit of getting on my lap in the morning and cuddling, I love it!