Wrecking the brain

[Jd2019]

You know, I agree, our loss sucks and is a living hell. I feel like we were not made to deal with this kind of grief. But trillions of people had to endure our situation  since the beginning. Name the scenario it has happened to someone. We all want to live to be a hundred; walk and talk and be sane with our spouse and children. We all want no hardships. Yet we are scared to die and we are scared to be left alone. So what now? There has got to be something more.

[Sparky1]

Jd2019, I think of how God says He will not give us a burden that we can't bear, yet this burden of losing my wife is very , very difficult. Like you said, many people have gone through it and I'm sure most of us will, yet it doesn't lessen the pain any less. It sure is difficult to comprehend the why's of life.

[tnd]

6 hours ago, Jd2019 said:

You know, I agree, our loss sucks and is a living hell. I feel like we were not made to deal with this kind of grief. But trillions of people had to endure our situation  since the beginning.

Jd2019: I am so very sorry for your loss and for your suffering. It pains me to know people are grieving the loss of their loved ones. And you are right; I don't recall ever being taught or told how we are to deal with grief. We come into the world as babies and as we grew up, we were taught things. But this wasn't one of those things. The only example I had of how someone dealt with the grief of losing their partner was when my grandfather remarried soon after my grandmother passed away. Almost just as quickly, the marriage ended in divorce. I assumed it meant that my grandfather had remarried too soon while he was still grieving. I only saw him one more time and from what I was told, he went off the wagon and began drinking again until he died. But other than that horrible scenario, no one ever spoke about people dying and of grief. No one. Ever. That's why I came here. I found people willing to share their experiences and what they learned and what we can or cannot do. All of it. Use to be that people didn't even have a computer to go to and find forums like this. It helps me to come here. Maybe I can't really console you but just know that we CAN relate to what you are going through. Doesn't make it any easier but we are here. For now I guess all of us just need to keep "talking" about it. I offer you my condolences and pray that you will find hope for your future. 

[KayC]

12 hours ago, Sparky1 said:

God says He will not give us a burden that we can't bear

It goes on to say "with His help."  That's the key.  This IS too much for us to bear alone.  At least it's felt that way to me.  He also says "It's not good for man to be alone."  So He created Eve.  Well I don't think it's good for woman to be alone either, at least it sure doesn't feel like it!  I've been alone for 16 years and I can tell you, that although I've had to do it, it sure isn't my preference and it gets old!  But I've met no one like George...ever.  So I do this journey, alone, with my pets.

[Diane R. E.]

21 hours ago, Jd2019 said:

So what now? There has got to be something more.

Jd2019; this is how I've been feeling lately too. Just existing day to day is no way to live, but I am at a loss for what else there is. I've been doing some volunteering, and as rewarding as that is, my life still seems empty without my husband. 

[tnd]

8 hours ago, KayC said:

So I do this journey, alone, with my pets.

KayC:  And it seems you've done some pretty amazing things. Sounds like that although you have been on your own that you have filled your life with purpose and found joy in other ways. I hope to be able to look back and say that someday about myself. Right now tho, it is angering, terrifying and lonely.  

[Brian K 497]

I don't know what is in store for my life. I work around a lot of military folks and one of there sayings is 'Embrace the Suck'.  I/we have more than enough suck to embrace in out lives.  As horrible as this stinking Covid virus has been, it's been a blessing to me that I've been able to be at home since Selina died.  It's hard enough getting out of bed and going to the dining room table to work, but if I had to go to the office and be around people laughing and cutting up I don't know how I would make it.  I learned many years ago that I don't 'need' a woman in my life like I did in my 20s and 30s, but I just don't want to be alone for the remainder of my life.  I want to walks, talks, diners, travel, and life together.  Right now thinking about this stuff is my running from my heart and feelings.  In time when the pain isn't so fresh, and the smell of the flowers on her casket fade I'd like to think God will bring someone into my life.

[KayC]

19 hours ago, tnd said:

Right now tho, it is angering, terrifying and lonely

I know.  (((hugs)))  There are some things we never forget, no matter how long ago it was...

3 hours ago, Brian K 497 said:

I'd like to think God will bring someone into my life

And I hope that for you.  It hasn't happened for me but I truly hope that it does for you.  This can get old.

 

[tnd]

8 hours ago, Brian K 497 said:

It's hard enough getting out of bed and going to the dining room table to work, but if I had to go to the office and be around people laughing and cutting up I don't know how I would make it. 

Brian K 497:  I remember my husband telling me that when he returned to the office after a few days of his first wife's passing that everyone was so quiet around him. He felt they were being intentionally quiet and careful with what they said because of him. Then I came along. I was new to the department and did not know his wife died. In fact, I didn't even know my husband's name. I walked right up to his desk and smiled and introduced myself...and he smiled back. And then I started inviting him to sit with me in the cafeteria and outside on a bench during lunch. And that is when he told me about is first wife. I felt terrible because there I was, being all talkative and smiley while he was grieving. I didn't know. But he said not to feel terrible because I was the only one who did not act like he had the plague. I had invited him to join me at lunch and sit and talk. He said it made him feel better because he had felt so alone before that. Only YOU know what you can handle and maybe right now you don't know....I hope you have someone you can talk to. Even just one friend might help. Coming on here and talking to us is good. It has helped me A LOT. BTW, I like that "Embrace The Suck". Kind of like FUBAR.  

[tnd]

8 hours ago, Brian K 497 said:

I'd like to think God will bring someone into my life.

Brian K 497:  I think it is quite obvious that we don't always get what we ask or pray for. But we can go with the hope that God may look upon on us kindly enough to hear our cries. I'd like to hope that when you are ready He will bring somebody into your life. Once the fog of grief clears who knows, maybe take a look around and that person is already there. If it's companionship or friendship you may want, that will probably be less pressure to deal with and happen faster than if you were looking for love and marriage again. For now, you probably have a lot on your plate just coping with your grief. Go easy on yourself is what I tell people. Focus on your own daily needs and get comfortable in your own skin again. Work on the here and now and put yourself in it. Don't think too far ahead into the future. I try to but then get overwhelmed. So just be kind to yourself and focus on the environment you are in right now.