Losing my daddy

[Sarah020331]

I’m 24 and just lost my father to covid this March and ever since it feels like my whole world is over. My dad was my favourite person I just can’t see how I will ever be ok. I miss his voice and laugh, he was the funniest person. I miss hugs and his advice for me in any situation. I miss everything. I can’t stop thinking about it everyday I’m so upset. It hits me then I go back to pretending because I feel like I may just die if this is reality. I’m so broken I don’t think I can ever be ok from this. I miss my daddy so much 

[Beatrixszabo]

I'm 41 but I feel the same. I lost my mom 1 month ago. I can't live normal life and I will never be able to. I can't believe.  All day I just cry for my mom like "tell me mom this is just the worst nightmare and not the reality! "

I don't know how to survive really. She was so young and wanted to enjoy life. That's what hurts the most. Life is just unfair. And I suffer every day.

I feel for you, you are not alone!

[Abet]

I feel every bit of what you are going through. The daily pain is just as bad thinking about all the things our dads will miss in our lives. How unfair that so many get to keep going on, and my world has stopped. I’m early thirties and I still called my daddy every day for advice. Most days I can’t stomach thinking about never getting a dad hug again. No matter what support I have, I’m alone in my grief and in my head. It’s just been over a month for me, when my healthy superhero unexpectedly passed after a fall. I didn’t get to say goodbye, but i did get to say I love you. Each day I wake up with a different leading emotion: pain, disbelief, guilt, anger, sadness. I can hardly go out into the world without breaking down. I have no advice to give but wanted to write and let you know your shattered heart is not alone. There are many of us, just doing our best to get to the next hour and day. 

[Aru]

I can very well relate to your pain. I lost my daddy this April due to medical negligence while he was mild covid patient. All I could see was him all well one day and next he gasped to breathe before leaving me and mom forever. The pain we are going through can't be measured. Every day I beg to god to bring him back. Everyday I cry for him. All of sudden we have lost our life and future which held him. All me and mom are doing is surviving every hour. I keep hoping that one day this nightmare will be over and my dad will be back but it's not happening. I really feel for you and request you to share your feelings. 

You are not alone in this.

[PKh]

i'm 37. I lost my father to Covid last month. There were many dreams that were broken suddenly. Life seems very difficult now. Even breathing seems like an effort now and then. All the memories, good or bad, only bring pain and more pain. I see him everywhere yet I see him nowhere. I wake up everyday feeling numb for a while and then i feel empty inside when flashes of memories come by. And then it's either some regret or worry or tears. I don't want to wake up. I think "What's there in the world to wake up to?" I would be ok if he passed away 15-20 years later. It would have been more acceptable. 

I let all the emotions come by. I don't get away from them. When I can get paper and pen, I write whatever comes to my mind. When I don't have paper and pen, I jot down my feelings in my cellphone. We all have to leave one day. Goodbyes are never complete. They are never final. Living my life from day to day, from hour to hour, bit by bit, moment to moment. 

Please cry whenever you want to. Let anger or any emotions come out. It's part of healing. The shortest path is always through it, not around it. 

[Anna28]

On 7/8/2021 at 3:54 AM, Sarah020331 said:

I’m 24 and just lost my father to covid this March and ever since it feels like my whole world is over. My dad was my favourite person I just can’t see how I will ever be ok. I miss his voice and laugh, he was the funniest person. I miss hugs and his advice for me in any situation. I miss everything. I can’t stop thinking about it everyday I’m so upset. It hits me then I go back to pretending because I feel like I may just die if this is reality. I’m so broken I don’t think I can ever be ok from this. I miss my daddy so much 

I am here with you. Right now my father is in the icu due to a cardiac arrest and there are no signs of brain activity. We don’t know until tomorrow on whether or not he is brain dead. My daddy was always there for me like a lot of people weren’t. I feel the same way, and I haven’t even gotten the answer (which we all believe we know the answer). I feel like I am going to die when I hear it. I didn’t talk to mine because I was being very ignorant and now I may never get to speak to him again or never get that advice. I want my daddy back. I want to hear his laugh and see that smile. I just feel so stuck on sad. And don’t see how I am ever gonna get passed it. 

[Sarah020331]

I have now just taking a covid test and I am positive. I have never had covid me and my grandparents and mom have it again. I am so terrified. Last time this happened my daddy died and it seems all to similar this time but only I have it to. I feel like time has gone back and I am living this nightmare once again.  

[Summersun]

Sarah,

how are you feeling now?

If you do not run a high fever, might want to join our zoom group tomorrow? See front page.

I just wanted to let you know that I understand you might be panicking because you lost your dad last time. Unless you have tons of preconditions, please remember: If you are vaccinated, you are young enough to probably be okay after a heavy cold. The current variants are also by tendency milder. It´s frightening, and most of it will be probably from the memory of your loss, not your symptoms. I know its hard to remember that, when you feel like ****, but try, so you do not have panic attacks on top of everything.

I did not understand your other family members status. If they are still negative, try to isolate.

One can have a paradox reaction to trauma. While we feel completely overwhelmed, we often also become indifferent to risk. I remember I could not care less about the virus right after my mum died. That means, if you feel paralyzed by your fears, please try your best to still not infect your mom etc. Simply so you feel better, that you did your very best.

Keep us posted how you are doing. Someone is always online.

Maybe see you tomorrow?

Wishing you a speedy recovery,

summersun

[anj]

Today is father's day. Anyone up for a zoom meeting and grieving together?

[Lefroufrou]

‘I see him everywhere and yet, nowhere.’ That is such a perfect description of my experience. Every song I hear, every time I see beauty in the world, I want to tell him, to show him but he’s gone and I couldn’t save him. It’s been almost a year and every day I go about my life as if it’s all ok but it’s not, I need my Dad.