Members Popular Post LMR Posted July 6, 2021 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted July 6, 2021 I am well aware that nobody has the answer. Nobody understands it. But was there ever a time when you were trying to do something, homework? balancing books? putting together furniture? A time when the impossibility of the task and the frustration overwhelmed. Maybe you shouted or threw something or even cried. This is how I feel all the time, like its a question that should have an answer but I don't know what it is. 2 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post AnnRA Posted July 6, 2021 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted July 6, 2021 LMR - I think that is definitely the reason our sorrow is so agonising. This is the closest we will ever get to death while we are still living. The one we love most in this life, the one we are closest to in body and spirit, is gone forever. And for the first time in our lives with them, we cannot understand or talk with them about their experience. That all is quite obvious, I know, but when you think of it, most anything in the times we were together, you probably discussed at length! I keep wanting to ask my husband all those absurd questions, like, “So, what was it like when you went? Where? Did you know you were going? Where are you now?” Etc, just like we always did! Apologies if this sounds absurd, but for all the million things we talked about, and learned about, together, we cannot understand, together, this most important of all experiences. And that makes our loss so much more heartbreaking.... I am at 8 months tonight and and I am so lost without him... 3 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Magda Posted July 6, 2021 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted July 6, 2021 AnnRA... yes! I feel literally ghosted!! I want actually to smack my boyfriend and say, hey, you still think your way of staying sober is working for you?? He just couldn't wrap his head around the concept of Higher Power, and shunned 12 step. I've been reading a lot about near death experiences, and if that's real, ask, now do you believe?? And yeah, how could you be selfish. So for now, I just have to accept I won't see him for some time. 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AnnRA Posted July 6, 2021 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2021 LMR and Magda—There are many posts on this site about near-death experiences and so forth that might help you? I was addressing the mind-bogglng frustration that I think you are finding — we just have no answers. 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 6, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted July 6, 2021 5 hours ago, AnnRA said: There are many posts on this site about near-death experiences and so forth that might help you? I have had two NDEs plus a dream of one that seemed very real (it did make me wonder!). Both of these links where I tell about them. https://forums.grieving.com/index.php?/forum/15-loss-of-a-partner/ https://forums.grieving.com/index.php?/topic/17821-its-been-a-week-and-each-day-seems-harder-not-easier/&do=findComment&comment=206624 You can do a search and find more: https://forums.grieving.com/index.php?/search/&q=NDE&quick=1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Darlene13 Posted July 6, 2021 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2021 6 hours ago, AnnRA said: I keep wanting to ask my husband all those absurd questions, like, “So, what was it like when you went? Where? Did you know you were going? Where are you now?” Etc, just like we always did! Apologies if this sounds absurd, but for all the million things we talked about, and learned about, together, we cannot understand, together, this most important of all experiences. And that makes our loss so much more heartbreaking... Me too. My sister and I have talked about this different times. We just want to ask, "Where are you? Do you watch over me...sometimes? All the time? What's it like where you are?" I think you described it well...it's so hard to comprehend that this very important thing we cannot talk to them about after all the years of discussing everything. 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Popular Post KayC Posted July 6, 2021 Moderators Popular Post Report Share Posted July 6, 2021 Just now, Darlene13 said: We just want to ask, "Where are you? Do you watch over me...sometimes? All the time? What's it like where you are?" I wish we could hear them answer...it'd make it bearable if we could just talk to each other. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tnd Posted July 6, 2021 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2021 15 hours ago, LMR said: Maybe you shouted or threw something or even cried. This is how I feel all the time, like its a question that should have an answer but I don't know what it is. LMR: I feel that way too and it boggles the mind. The permanency of death and what it means is just very hard for me grasp. My husband was a Christian and his faith was strong. The fact that he would tell me that in the Bible God says that in Heaven, we will not feel any pain or sorrow or recollect bad memories is something that comforts me. It doesn't answer my questions but maybe now I just need to think more about my husband being in a better place and no longer suffering. Guess I'll have some of my own questions answered when it's my time to go. On a separate note (I guess), I had a close friend who was in a horrible car accident. She accidently drove her car off a cliff (she missed a curve). She sustained a permanent head injury. Months later she told me that something was bothering her. Although she couldn't remember the accident, she said she remembered being in the back seat of her car and having a conversation with herself -there were two of her and they talked to each other. She had no pain. She asked her "other self" what they were doing there because she said she had things to do so needed to get going. And she remembered seeing two arms reaching in towards her. Her "other self" asked her to go with her but the other her that saw the arms reaching in reiterated that she had things to do so no, she couldn't go. After my friend told me this, we concluded that perhaps she had an "out of body" or "near death" experience and that the two arms reaching for her were the paramedics, because they did have to pull her out. The thing that still stands out in my mind about her experience was that she said she didn't feel any pain. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Sparky1 Posted July 6, 2021 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted July 6, 2021 8 hours ago, KayC said: I wish we could hear them answer...it'd make it bearable if we could just talk to each other. I keep repeating to my wife that I can't hear you, see you or feel you. How I wish we could communicate, I hope and pray that she hears me telling her how much I love her and miss her. 3 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gail 8588 Posted July 7, 2021 Members Report Share Posted July 7, 2021 I talk to my husband all the time, many times each day. I do believe he can hear me. Three times, in the first 2 years after his death, I had very vivid dreams with John. Each time we both knew he was dead and we talked about our boys, work, his memorial fund, how lost I was without him. He was very comforting to me, very encouraging, that I could get through this. He played with our dog and really enjoyed that. I never asked him about where he was. If I have another dream with him, I try to remember to ask. Gail 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Darlene13 Posted July 7, 2021 Members Report Share Posted July 7, 2021 3 minutes ago, Gail 8588 said: Three times, in the first 2 years after his death, I had very vivid dreams with John. Each time we both knew he was dead and we talked about our boys, work, his memorial fund, how lost I was without him. He was very comforting to me, very encouraging, that I could get through this. He played with our dog and really enjoyed that. I'd give anything just to experience that even once with David. So jealous... 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 7, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted July 7, 2021 19 hours ago, tnd said: Although she couldn't remember the accident, she said she remembered being in the back seat of her car and having a conversation with herself -there were two of her and they talked to each other. This was an amazing story of an NDE, thank you for sharing. 12 hours ago, Gail 8588 said: I talk to my husband all the time, many times each day. I do believe he can hear me. I do also, I just wish we could carry on conversations, I'd be more okay if we could. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ainslie Posted July 8, 2021 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2021 Thank you so much for sharing your NDE story. I recently watched the documentary on Netflix sirviving death. It really made me believe that there is something beyond this. My father passed away 4 years ago from dementia. I moved in to take care of him before he passed and saw how much pain he was in because he had more health problems and 7 strokes and needed 24 hour care and my mom couldn’t do it alone. Watching him go through that was awful. I cried every day after his death. After 6 months my father came to me in a dream and told me that I was crying too much and not to because he was no longer in pain and it was beautiful were he was. We hugged in my dream and when I woke up I felt his embrace. I still cried after that dream but I felt better because it felt real and do believe that he is in a better place. I pray I dream about my husband and he tells me how he is. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tnd Posted July 8, 2021 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2021 11 minutes ago, Ainslie said: We hugged in my dream and when I woke up I felt his embrace. I still cried after that dream but I felt better because it felt real and do believe that he is in a better place. I pray I dream about my husband and he tells me how he is. I hope he comes to you in a dream too and that it's a good one. I still haven't dreamt about mine. Only experienced the smell of diesel in the middle of the night but no dreams yet. Perhaps my mind is too filled with stress right now that it won't allow any sort of "good dreams" in. No room for it right now I guess. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Roxeanne Posted July 8, 2021 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted July 8, 2021 On 7/6/2021 at 4:18 PM, KayC said: On 7/6/2021 at 4:17 PM, Darlene13 said: I wish we could hear them answer...it'd make it bearable if we could just talk to each other. ..death is a mistery! What is really hard to bear is the absence...the cruel separation! I would give anything to be able to talk to him again...it would be such comfort to my heart! Or as i read in a Anne Tyler's book...a man lost his wife in a accident. After a while she reappers..no one knows why! At the end of the story you understand that she came back to help him to overcome the pain... It wouldn't be nice if it were true? 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ainslie Posted July 8, 2021 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2021 Tnd, I pray every night and ask him to come visit me in my dreams but wake up disappointed. I think that he will come to me I just have to be patient. But I think you’re right when we are so stressed we can’t think let alone dream. I barely sleep or do much of anything these days but I hope in time we will both see are loved ones in a dream. 2 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 8, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted July 8, 2021 14 hours ago, tnd said: Perhaps my mind is too filled with stress right now that it won't allow any sort of "good dreams" in I didn't dream of George the first year, I figure this is probably why as well. I rarely remember my dreams so maybe that's part of it. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members annie123 Posted July 8, 2021 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2021 I pray everyday and ask God to let my husband appear to me in a dream . I just want to hug him and say goodbye, I never got to say goodbye. I don't want to give up hope that it will happen, I'll keep on praying... 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tnd Posted July 9, 2021 Members Report Share Posted July 9, 2021 7 hours ago, annie123 said: I just want to hug him and say goodbye, I never got to say goodbye. I don't want to give up hope that it will happen, I'll keep on praying... annie123: I didn't get to say goodbye to my husband, either. It hurts. The nurses were there giving him CPR in the ICU while I was on the phone with one of them. So he wasn't alone but I wasn't there to hold his hand, kiss him goodbye or tell him I loved him. So that hurts. But now I realize that even if I had been there, I'd still be hurting. He was slipping away to that wonderful place we've all heard about -Heaven. I couldn't deny him of that. But either way, I am left here without him and hurting. If I could see him in a nice dream and speak to him, I think it might help. So I wait. But I try not to think about it. If it happens, it happens. Perhaps I'm too stressed out over things that I'm unable to have a nice dream and perhaps you are wishing too hard for it ??? Maybe they will come to us when the time is right and not necessarily just because we say we want it now. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Popular Post KayC Posted July 9, 2021 Moderators Popular Post Report Share Posted July 9, 2021 I didn't get to say goodbye either. I go by faith, faith he knows how much I love him, faith in our relationship, faith we'll be together again. Faith...the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen. Talk aloud to him...I do. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted July 10, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted July 10, 2021 12 hours ago, KayC said: Talk aloud to him...I do. You have plenty of company. (I mean us talking to our loved ones, not talking to yours per se ) 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tnd Posted July 10, 2021 Members Report Share Posted July 10, 2021 38 minutes ago, widower2 said: You have plenty of company. (I mean us talking to our loved ones, not talking to yours per se widower2: I don't know why but that cracked me up. Maybe I am totally losing it now but I pictured all of our loved ones standing around waiting to see which one of us were going to talk next. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 10, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted July 10, 2021 I got a chuckle out of it too. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted July 11, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted July 11, 2021 Glad you did! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now