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One year


LMR

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45 minutes ago, LMR said:

Even when we had to get up early for work we would set the alarm fast so that we could take time to cuddle every morning

That is so special and lovely.

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LMR you are in your first year and you still feel the need to think at all the anniversaries!

I understand, i did all too!

 But Anniversaries are really painful...they reopen the wound and make it bleed again! 

With the time i chose only one day to remember him...the day we met...it was such a special day full of hope and tenderness!

I hope you will come to remember the good moments  with your husband...

I understand and i want to hug you...take care Roxi

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7 hours ago, LMR said:

Even when we had to get up early for work we would set the alarm fast so that we could take time to cuddle every morning.

My wife and I were also doing this, and then she had her accident and everything changed.

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8 hours ago, LMR said:

It hasn't got any easier.

Of course it hasn't.  You're still very early in your journey, although it may feel like years he's been gone.  You'll be in my thoughts and prayers for sure this week.  (((hugs)))

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Diane R. E.
14 hours ago, LMR said:

This week will mark one year since my husband was taken to hospital.

Hello LMR; I understand what you mean. I am dreading the one year mark of when my husband went into the hospital (Sep 6) more than the one year marking of his death. Once Doug went to the hospital, he never came home again. And yes, I have a lot of "if only". My heart goes out to you.  

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LMR & Diane,

I too am dreading the one year mark.  My husband went into the hospital on September 9 and never came back home. In and out of ICU, 31 days later , he was gone.   I am still heartbroken, It will be 9 months next week and I can't stop crying lately.  We were married for 43 years and together for over 45 years.  It is so hard to accept that he is not coming back home.

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Annie123. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Our stories are so similar. He went into hospital and never came home again. It was completely unexpected. He had a broken hip for Pete's sake! We had been together 48 years, married for 45. He was everything I ever wanted and this is killing me.

I know I am still in denial but knowing this is normal doesn't help a bit. I want him to come home.

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I hear you all... our last day at home together was Jan 31.  We had our annual big family gathering scheduled for Feb 1 at our house and had to cancel it. He had become septic which took him.   Wish I could get that day out of my head, I remember it in detail.  He did not want to go to the hospital.

We also loved our mornings together just before getting up. The first thing we did upon awakening was roll over to cuddle.  The sweet carefree days.....

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18 hours ago, Diane R. E. said:

I am dreading the one year mark of when my husband went into the hospital (Sep 6) more than the one year marking of his death. Once Doug went to the hospital, he never came home again.

I never thought of it that way before, I never considered the anv. of when George went into the hospital, it was always his anv. of death that hit me, still does.  Because I never got to see him again (viewing the body not counting as you know they're not there).  I imagine for someone who had a longer hospital stay it would hit harder.  For me it was that whole weekend.  I left on a Friday morning and afterwards he had a heart attack and drove himself to the doctor!  He sent him by ambulance to the hospital and George didn't want me to know because he "didn't want to ruin my trip."  :ohmy:  I found out that night when a friend called, but George told me not to come as he'd be in testing all day Saturday!  I was torn as I wanted to be there even if I couldn't see him and yet didn't want to make him feel bad by not respecting his wishes and making HIM feel bad for "ruining my weekend."  As if I could enjoy any moment of that trip!  It was horrific!  To complicate things my sister that I'd rode with would not bring me back until Sunday!  (Yes the same sister I'm taking care of now)  She wanted to "stay and gamble."  I don't gamble, I don't get that addiction, esp. when you choose it over being with someone's dying husband.  She tried to rewrite history later on and I would not let her!  She has a way of doing that.  (Nope, not this time, Honey!  You kept me from spending my last bit of time with my dying husband.  Own it.)

No matter how they died, no matter how long it took or how it went down, none of us are likely to forget one moment of it.  It stays with us forever, indelibly etched in our hearts.

13 hours ago, LMR said:

He went into hospital and never came home again. It was completely unexpected.

Same with us, he'd just had his 51st birthday, he looked the picture of health, who would expect that!

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I do think sometimes when death is unexpected it is a bit harder and takes longer to process.  Just what I think.  My husbands death was expected (terminal cancer diagnosis Oct, 2019) He choose to do treatment so we got out the rah, rah, pom poms and off we went to the chemo chair.  He responded well at first, but after 7 rounds the disease progressed. The unexpected is not knowing how long treatment will keep cancer at bay, or when your body is not able to recover from the treatments.  He under went whole brain radiation.  That was brutal.  It was covid, we couldn't go in with him.  The 1st week he was walking in on his own, the 2nd week he was so weak and using the wheelchair. I was so thankful to get that done.  He was tired and I notice his mental status was off afterwards.  Usually while on steroids he would talk almost non stop.  Now, nothing.  We were checking in with the nurse pract. almost daily.  I had no idea he was failing so badly.  He never complained.  He did tell me the morning of a Dr. appt. that he was ready for hospice.  When we arrived at the Dr. his blood oxygen level was in the low 70-s and they called an ambulance for him.  Even then, I wasn't ready.  I had hope he might have more time.  They'd pump him up at the hospital and we would come home with hospice care.  Cause of death pneumonia in the good lung, but it's all because of the cancer.  One report I read said cancer in his chest was stable, and I'll never know if the mets in his brain were gone from the radiation.  You wonder if it's worth it?  It's a very individual decision.  

While he told me he was ready in not so many words, I still think, he walked out of the house on his own, I wonder if he knew he wasn't coming back?  He passed in the hospital.

Anyway, after 1 year -although I just re wrote all of that, it's not in my head doing instant re-play over and over 24/7.  I think I may have processed the dying part .  Now I have things to finish still of his, and I'm learning how to carry the grief around for the life I have left,

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So far, every year I have been on instant replay from the day I came home and found him collapsed in the yard through the 25 days he was in hospitals until we disconnected his life support.  I have not found a way to turn that recording off.  I have so many regrets about all the choices I made for him.  I cry now just thinking about it. 

I hope one day I can have a month of Feburary that is not so hard. 

Gail

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On 7/5/2021 at 7:57 PM, annie123 said:

I can't stop crying lately. 

As soon as I feel like I have made some progress, I fall back into a funk..... damned waves come in unexpectedly high sometimes....

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@DMB I'm sorry, must have been tremendously hard.  One of my best friends is going through cancer (breast & lymph glands) and she's opted not to do surgery & chemo, instead going vegetarian/organic, walking.  Last night she was in pain from it for the first time, it scares me.  Me, I'd opt for Keto over vegetarian from everything I've read and what I've seen, but I also know nothing can be counted on to wipe it out and this is one hard journey no matter how you fight it.  I'm scared for her, I really am.

13 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

I hope one day I can have a month of Feburary that is not so hard. 

And I hope that for you too.

Yes June, so hard.

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