Still Mourning 2yrs later

[JoyR]

Can’t believe it’s been two years. And I still can’t shake my feelings of emptiness, guilt, stress, and pain dealing with his murder. I can celebrate or deal with anyone today. Way too hard for me. Yet I’m here again . I have tried moving on and secretly I haven’t . I wish he was here. 

[Markies liz]

Joy R- I'm so sorry for your loss,  I'm only 3 months in my greif and I'm really making no progress myself.  When I talk about it to others in grief I tell them I think all I have managed to do is figure out how to pretend I'm ok.  When im alone all I do is cry.  I miss my mark so bad.   I'm so lonely, I dont want to be around people unless I have to be.  I feel like sometimes i get petty and i dont even want to see other couples bring happy or having children or getting married etc.  These things were all mine and Mark's to share together this fall and he passed before we could do any of it.  My heart breaks for you.  So many people tell me just get over it or that time will heal and I get angry because it's not something you just get over.  And honestly so far time hasnt healed much at all.  Message me here any time you feel lonely and need to talk.  I know I dont have the answers and I know I cant do anything to make it better but I have a shoulder and an ear to lend and listen if you need to talk 

Hope this message finds you well. 

Markies liz

[KayC]

Joy, it always feels like I'm seeing a friend again when you appear, it's good to hear from you whenever you come here.  I'm sorry it's so hard, I've never lost anyone to murder so can't know how that feels but I do know sudden death and losing "my person," and I don't see we're ever over it, just learn to live with it eventually as best as we can.  

Spent the 4th alone.  
Again.

Not even a call from my kids, rarely.

But at least I have my puppy.  He means a lot.

I hope you find something that brightens your day.  Two years in is still early in my estimation, it took me way longer to process my grief, let alone find any purpose or build a life I could live.  I know we're all unique as are our timetables, but I wish I could wave a magic wand and speed up the process for all...so hard.  Sending you caring thoughts.

[Gail 8588]

On 7/4/2021 at 3:12 PM, JoyR said:

Can’t believe it’s been two years. And I still can’t shake my feelings of emptiness, guilt, stress, and pain dealing with his murder. I can celebrate or deal with anyone today. Way too hard for me. Yet I’m here again . I have tried moving on and secretly I haven’t . I wish he was here. 

JoyR, 

I too think of you as a friend. Glad you came back to post. 

I hope the murderer was caught and prosecuted.  Not that it eases the pain of your loss.

I admire you for trying to enter into a relationship again. It is very brave to put yourself out there when you have had a deep connection with someone.  So many relationships seem so inconsequential in comparison. 

I finally made some progress finding a way and a reason to live in my 4th year of grief.  I am pretty content most of the time now and occasionally actually happy.  Still have some sad days of course, but no longer living in dark despair all the time. 

Don't be hard on yourself that you haven't mastered your grief in 2 years.  It will keep evolving. 

So good to hear from you again. 

Gail

[june483]

On 7/4/2021 at 3:12 PM, JoyR said:

I have tried moving on and secretly I haven’t . I wish he was here. 

Almost 1 1/2 years for me, I was worried I would lose that "loving feeling" I got from him, now I know I never will.  That part is comforting but makes me realize that - although I am living my life - secretly I will never get over his loss -  will always carry that pain - got to stash it under the rug again when it gets too intense - I think that big stash under the rug will still be there I take my last breath