Grieving Milestone

[NatRich515]

Hi all,

I lost my mum last year, sept 2020, quite quickly to cancer. She was diagnosed in March 2020 just before uk lockdown, by July I was i was helping her more at home. August I gave up work to care for her. September she needed 24/7 care from me and my sister. She died at home, which was her wish, September 29th. 

I just feel very sad today.  My phone is showing me photos from 'this week last year' and its a photo of my dog at my mums. The only time I ever took him there was right after my mums lung biopsy. 

I guess everyone feels like this? I feel like the next 3 months I'm going to be reliving the last 3 months of my mums life. Which weren't the happiest, but she wasn't in pain. (I have to tell myself that alot) 

I have siblings but they are not dealing well so I wanted to just share with some one that I feel sad.

[reader]

Dear Nat,

The first year of grief is the hardest. Please know we are here to listen and support each other. 

I hope you can find some additional supports through the community or church during this difficult time.

My thoughts are with you.

[NatK]

Hi Nat,

I know exactly what you mean about your phone showing you photos of this week last year. My mom died on June 22nd of last year and it was hard to see those photos come up on my phone, especially when I was at work and couldn't really sit with my feelings. I also felt like I relived the last month of her life. That last month was so heart wrenching. She didn't have to die, it could have been avoided and it fills me with anger and guilt. I would catch myself looking at the date and saying to myself, on this day last year this or that happened. And at some point I deliberately went through old text messages to see what was the exact date when I found out my mom had taken a turn for the worse. I don't know exactly why I did that, maybe out of guilt again. But I am hoping that remembering those events, thinking about it a year later, allowed me to get some perspective, maybe process my emotions a little more. But I'm not really sure

I hope you find a way to navigate this difficult time and please know that we are here for you.