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Jules18

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1. how can I learn to accept all of the things I never said and should have or all of the things I should have but didn’t? 
2. I’ve noticed any mistake I’ve ever made and anything I did wrong to him has been highlighted in my mind and it’s so difficult to continue on feeling all this guilt and regret. How can you forgive yourself? 
3. something else I’ve noticed is how uncomfortable I feel when I bring him up or post something relating to him and how uncomfortable people seem to be when I bring him up. I’m not sure if the discomfort comes from the idea that I should be “over it” by now or what it is. Anyone else feel this way? 
4. I’ve had some pretty awful “friends” throughout this experience (minus one) and I just wanted to see if anyone else has experienced their friends acting like nothing happened and what you did about that? I don’t give people the benefit of the doubt when it comes to something as serious as this and if a “friend” isn’t there then they aren’t a friend… but I’ve heard people say you should be forgiving of these individuals, just wanted to hear people’s opinions on how they handled it 

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ALL of our "friends" disappeared when he died!  It felt like a double whammy!  I would not have expected that.  Here are some links that I hope are of help, this is more common than you'd think.  I did make a new best friend, for ten years, then she moved to TX.  :(  But she remarried and I'm happy for her.

Friends who Stop Being Good Friends
Friends, letdown
Friendship: Why I Not Longer Hold Onto Relationships That No Longer Serve Me

We forgive for US but we also let go for us.

I do hope these articles will aid you in getting through your guilt feelings...
Guilt and Regret in Grief
Grief and the Burden of Guilt
Guilt In the Wake of a Parent's Death

Address Guilt When Grieving
and this video is helpful as well:

 

 

21 hours ago, Jules18 said:

how uncomfortable people seem to be when I bring him up

It reminds them of their own mortality, they'd rather bury their head in the sand.  Their problem, not yours.

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Jules, I could have written these very words myself. 14 months and can offer this from my perspective. Points 1 & 2 really tormented me and I don't know that I really got any resolution but with time they have lessened in intensity. With that I would also say show me anyone who hasn't said a word in anger. The difference being that we are now dissecting anything we ever said because of our situation. Point 3, yep some are uncomfortable and if they expect you to be over it they are only looking at it from their perspective. They can't possibly offer up that little gem because they haven't been there. Point 4, this seems to be a universal problem. Some relationships for me are gone, others grew from people I least expected and some have held on by the thinest thread. I don't know about forgiving, I struggle with that. Maybe that will come with more time. 

Just remember this is your journey. No one else can tell you what to think or feel.

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