Sudden loss of older brother

[Aaacs93]

I lost my brother a week and 2 days ago. I was with him the day before it all happened. He was feeling unwell for a few days and on the Monday he finished work and told his partner his vision was blurred and he felt unwell. She took him to hospital and he was being sick all over himself but due to covid she had to leave him. He became very agitated so they sedated him and ventilated him. He never woke up. He had a stroke which caused a blood clot to cut off an artery and his brain swelled, he was declared brain dead on the Wednesday at 12:12pm. 

We are in such shock. I'm not even sure how I feel. I have so many emotions running through me. I feel numb but I'm hurting, I feel cloudy and unclear and I feel so so frustrated. I anger so easily. 

I'm a mum to a 2 year old little boy who is very on the go and I feel like I have no time to sit and grieve. I also feel like my family has not been very supportive, everyone is rallied around my mum and that is completely understandable but I feel like I need some support too. I've supported everyone as much as I can but no one seems to be here for me. I feel selfish for even thinking these things too.