Lost my girlfriend to osteosarcoma at age 20

[KayC]

15 hours ago, Silviu said:

I wanted to visit her grave everyday for the first 40 days (i think there is a tradition here for family to visit the grave everyday for 40 days, even tho we weren't married i still considered her family)

I hadn't heard of that tradition but it sounds like a good one.  My George's ashes are laid to rest here in our back yard, that's where I'd like mine to be someday, and nearby our pets are laid to rest.  I spent some time clearing the graves this week (no power mowers, etc are allowed because of extreme fire danger) so I used my manual one, it looks so much nicer, I'm glad to have it done.  The last two times the lawn guy didn't do what I'd asked.

Of course you feel like family...family is a position of the heart, not merely what you were born into. 

We do what we need to, whatever brings us comfort...

[Silviu]

3 hours ago, KayC said:

I hadn't heard of that tradition but it sounds like a good one.  My George's ashes are laid to rest here in our back yard, that's where I'd like mine to be someday,

Every place has it's own traditions, even in my country different areas have different traditions, it's funny when someone has relatives from different areas and they start arguing which traditions to do especially when they are the exact opposite.

For example cremation isn't very popular here, most people are buried which is nice, having a place to go visit them, but i think cremation is even better, because you can spread the ashes anywhere.

Anyway, i liked visiting her grave, it gave me something to do in those 40 days.

[Gail 8588]

6 minutes ago, Silviu said:

Anyway, i liked visiting her grave, it gave me something to do in those 40 days.

I like visiting my husband's grave too. It is comforting to be near him. 

Gail

[foreverhis]

13 hours ago, KayC said:

Of course you feel like family...family is a position of the heart, not merely what you were born into. 

Agree with you 100%. 

That's why I sometimes have to explain how it is that I have three sisters:  One by birth, one in-law, and one by-choice.  They are all my sisters and not only that, they are all close with each other as well.  We would do anything for each other.

[Silviu]

11 hours ago, foreverhis said:

One by birth, one in-law, and one by-choice

This sounds soo sweet  i also like to say that Gabi is my girlfriend from heaven.

Today was ok, at least not as bad as i expected, the memorial was sad, but after that we went to a restaurant and it was nice to spend time with her family and friends. Her mother gave me a nice picture with us. Last year on halloween Gabi gave me a picture frame with the text LOVE above it, so i could put 2 pictures with us, the first picture i put was from a vacation to the mountains we had in december last year, but the other spot remained empty, because i was waiting for a good moment, my plan was to fill that spot with a picture from this summer vacations but since it didn't happened that spot remained empty, so today i filled it with the picture her mother gave me, it was form february this year when we wet skiing, the last happy moment we shared together, so it was a really good choice to fill that spot.

 

[KayC]

On 7/16/2021 at 7:19 AM, Gail 8588 said:

I like visiting my husband's grave too. It is comforting to be near him. 

That's how I feel about where my husband's ashes are laid to rest.  And I like that they're here where he loved most, where I can look out on the back yard throughout the day.  We often sat on our porch swing and looked out at that very place, it was peaceful, I knew it's where he'd want to be, watching the hummingbirds come feed as we always did.

[tnd]

10 hours ago, Silviu said:

so today i filled it with the picture her mother gave me

Silviu:  Keeping pictures and putting them in a frame like you did sounds like a very good idea. I think pictures tell a story. They may not tell the whole story but that's the part where you come in and you can tell people the story of you and Gabi and the things you did together. I am definitely keeping pictures of my husband. He's smiling in almost all of them and that memory makes me feel good. 

[Silviu]

Today is a very sad day for me, last year on 18 July she was diagnosed with cancer and this nightmare began, one year later she is dead, last year i was afraid that she might end up paralyzed or that the cancer might come back in 5 years, i never imagined that just one year later she will be dead.

Back then we had just an 8 months relationship, but when i found out her diagnostic i got so afraid of losing her that i realized how much i actually care about her.

Last year the day started weird,  it was a Saturday, the day after she started feeling her leg weird, so she was supposed to go to the hospital on Monday for check-ups, the doctors suspected she had multiple sclerosis, i was really scared because i read online that she might end up in a wheelchair, she tried to comfort me by saying that it can be kept in check with proper medication, even tho she was also scared she tried to calm me. So on Saturday morning i left her a message at 11AM, telling her to keep me informed about the situation, and i asked her to not push me away (she was the kind of person that didn't want people around when suffering), she read the message but didn't respond.

I waited until 2:45 PM i was really worried, but at that time i just assumed she is with her family at the beach (some friends came over for the weekend) so i checked Snapchat to see if she was at the beach (she had her location active so i could see where she was) and i saw her at the hospital, i instantly panicked knowing that she was not supposed to be there until Monday, so i took a screenshot, sent it to her on whatsapp and i asked her what she is doing there, she told me its just for some check-ups, i calmed a bit and told her to let me know as soon as she finds out what is going on.

After we talked i was really worried but i tried to not bother her too much, at 7-8 PM i started seeing her online for long periods of time, but she was not saying anything (she was talking with her mother), but at 9:35 PM i just couldn't wait anymore so i asked her how she is doing, and she told me to sit down, at that point my hand started shaking, i knew something was wrong, she then said it is not multiple sclerosis but it's still bad, and that she had a mass on her spine, at that point i felt how the world collapsed around me and i just started crying.

She was very worried too, but she tried to calm both of us, by saying stuff like " It's operable, try to stay positive, i'll be stronger after this ".

I told her i want to come see her but she said that due to covid they are not allowing anybody to come, not even her parents, so we agreed to talk on the phone later after the nurses left, but she didn't call. She responded at 3 AM and told me that she fell asleep and that now she is going home, at 8AM when i woke up and saw her message i asked if i could come see her but she was already on her way to Bucharest to get admitted to a private hospital, for her operation, and gave me more details about it.

Her parents moved very fast, they called all their friends and connections who could help them find the best hospital and best surgeons in the country. It was going to be a very difficult operation (3,14 inch tumor on her spine), many surgeons refused to do it, due to the high risk (many important nerves in the area) but they managed to get a very good lead surgeon who agreed to do it, he assembled the best team that he could find, and also called in surgeons all over the country to assist for educational purpose since this type of operation was very complex and never done before in my country.

Sorry for writing so long posts but it helps me vent, and i also want to write as many details as possible so in case i forget over the years i can come back and read this.

I'll write the rest of the story in 2 days on the date of the operation.

[KayC]

I am so sorry, we seem to relive all of this time like it haunts us, no part of it forgotten, every detail etched into us.

[Silviu]

On 7/18/2021 at 10:55 AM, Silviu said:

I'll write the rest of the story in 2 days on the date of the operation.

So last year on 20 July was the day of the operation we talked a lot, she told me everything she knew about the operation who was going to be the lead surgeon how risky the operation was going to be, we even discussed future plans, she told me that she won't be able to do all the things she did before for a while, that she won't be able to walk more than 20 minutes in the first few weeks or ride the bike for a year or so, she was very sad that we won't be able to go in vacation that summer And I told her "don't worry about this stuff the most important thing is for you to get well, we'll have plenty of time next year for vacations" yah didn't work as planned....

Back then I was so worried about the intervention, she could have remained paralyzed or die during the surgery. We kept talking I wasn't sure what to say, I wanted to say goodbye just in case she dies but my heart didn't let me so I just kept asking her details about what was going on. At 5:42 Pm she told me that they came in to take her into surgery, I wished her good luck and told her that I love her she told me she loves me too and then she went into surgery. 

The surgery lasted until 4 am on July 21st i barely slept 3 hours that night, I asked her mother to let me know how she is after the surgery, at 6 am when I woke up I grabbed my  phone to check for the message, and her mother left me a message at 4am saying that the surgery is over and everything went well and that she will recover to 100%, I was extremely happy to hear that, she woke up after a few more hours but she didn't have her phone at the intensive care so she called her mother from a doctor's phone and told her that she is doing well and asked her to let me know, then the doctor told her mother that the first thing she did when she woke up was to mover her legs to make sure they are ok, and asked them if she could drive again (she got her driver's license 20 days before the operation but she didn't get to drive because the license didn't arrive yet). 

We didn't talk in the first 24 hours, I left her some messages and she responded on 22nd July at 3am and told me that she is OK and still recovering and that we'll talk later because she is very sleepy. 

She recovered very fast, 2 weeks later she already started walking with some help, 2 months later she could walk by herself and 8 months later we went skiing. 

The surgery was very difficult many moments when they almost lost her, they basically replaced 2 vertebrae with titan plates and the tumor was around an artery but they managed to get it out without damaging the artery. 

But everything went well even tho I was afraid that I might lose her some day I was expecting that day do be in 5 years or so so things went back to normal for a while she even started driving, unfortunately the cancer came back and the treatment was ineffective and she died due to a metastasis in her lung that stopped her breathing, there was nothing that could be done.

After the operation the surgeon told her mother that by the way the tumor looked its very aggressive and that the odds aren't very good, I'm not sure which doctor told her but they gave her a life expectancy of 4-6 weeks (ended up being 11 months) and a 5% chance of survival but she didn't understand, she understood 50% but her mother didn't correct her and let her believe that is 50%.

Back then I didn't know any of this, I only found out after her death, her mother kept thing from her to keep her positive and she kept things from me to protect me, she even told her mother that she should break up with me so I wouldn't suffer later, but I didn't let her, she even asked me "who would want to stay with a person in my situation ?" and I told her "Me, if you didn't know that already, it means you have no idea how much I love you) so we stayed together. 

To be honest I don't think it would have been better if we broke up I think I would have suffered twice, once for the breakup and once for her death and I would have also hated myself for not staying by her side when she needed me the most. I don't regret my decision I still think I made the right one because now I don't have any regrets, and I think I managed to make her life a bit better by being in it. 

Her mother told me that even though she wasn't feeling well lately, after a date with me she was always in a good mood for a few hours. 

I was mad at her for not telling me how bad the situation really was especially in the last few months, but now I understand why she did it her parents had to live with the idea that she will die soon since day 1 I only had to live with that for a month and it was incredibly hard to talk with her about future plans when I knew we won't have a future together, and she was hopefull until the last week, she knew she was about to die but still told me that she will be ok.

Her mother told me that in the last week before her death she started to say things like:"Why did God make me suffer? If I was supposed to die why not die in a car crash or something.." ; " if I was supposed to die then so be it, I don't care but, he could have atleast left me able to walk and I would have known where to go and what to do with my last moments" ; "the only regret I have is that I didn't quit university and travel the world with Siviu, instead of staying home to learn for my exams" 

To be honest I don't think her death was just bad luck, everything aligned so well that it can't be random, she died on 12.06.2021 when was her best friend's s birthday, her grave is 12 in line, our last date was 126, 14 June when she was buried was her best friend's mother's birthday the 40 day ceremony was on 17 July when we had our last date before the surgery, the actual 40'th day since her death will be tomorrow, exactly one year since the surgery. How can something align so well? Maybe I'm just crazy but it doesn't seem random, it's like she was supposed to die on that exact day.

[Gail 8588]

Silviu,

Your story is heartbreaking. I am so sorry you and Gabi didn't have years, decades to be together.  I am glad you were together for the time you did have. 

I am thinking of you as you mark the one year  point.  

Hugs

Gail

[Silviu]

2 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

I am glad you were together for the time you did have.

Me too, even though we didn't have much time, i learned alot from this relationship, and we both evolved together, it was a nice journey, short but nice, we both started as 2 shy people and we learned together and from eachother. Many times she told me that her friends and family said that she is more open since she met me, and i've been told the same about me.

I am a different person then i was in October 2019 before i met her, she showed me how to live. Before i met her i was just waiting for the time to pass i didn't like people or social interactions. If someone invited me to go somewhere i would just refuse  and everything i learned from her will help me in the future.

2 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

I am thinking of you as you mark the one year  point.

Thank you Gail.

I'm very determined to have a great life in her honor, because otherwise everything she taught me would be in vain. And i'm the type of person that always achieves everything he sets his mind to, of course, that's paired with my incredible lack of motivation so i don't set my mind on something too often , but this time not failing her is a great motivation for me.

I'm glad she was my girlfriend, best thing that ever happened to me was meeting her and losing her was the worst thing...

 

[KayC]

3 hours ago, Silviu said:

I don't have any regrets, and I think I managed to make her life a bit better by being in it.

II agree, and who among us wouldn't have made the same decision?!  When our hearts are with them, it cannot be uprooted or ignored.

2 minutes ago, Silviu said:

I'm very determined to have a great life in her honor, because otherwise everything she taught me would be in vain.

And in so doing you ascribe value to your relationship.  

[Silviu]

I just had a breakdown and started crying, today i started saving her photos from her google photos account, it was very emotional seeing all the happy moments we shared together, and glimpse at her life before we met (i only reached 5'th September 2018 but i had to take a break).

She found a website who sold bracelets with messages on the inside, and she bought 4, she gave me one, and the other 3 were for her, she opened mine and added a sticker with the message "radiate positivity" and then she also opened one of the other 3 leaving the other 2 unopened, after she died i gave the other 2 to her 2 best friends. 

She liked to wear bracelets, but only when she went outside, she didn't wear them inside, but when i came to her house to spend the last moments with her she had her bracelet on her arm, and her parents told me that since she got it she didn't take it off. We buried her with that bracelet on her arm, i didn't think much about it, i was in too much shock to think.

Today when i was looking through the pictures i found a picture with that bracelet, so i decided to go on that website and see what message was on the inside and on the card

This is the message on the inside

and this is the message from the card

When i read those messages i was instantly overwhelmed with emotion and started crying, and i still have tears in my eyes and i can't stop

Those are the messages on my bracelet

Also those are under my monitor, i've put the sticker with radiate positivity to remember how she wanted me to be

Before i met her i didn't wear any accesories, had no pictures in my room, no decorations, i didn't even have a keychain on my keys, and she slowly started to bring color in my life, she never missed an occasion to give me something to brighten my life, all the decorations i have in my room are from her and she also liked to take instant photos of us and displayed them in her room, her room was incredibly beautiful with lots of decorations and photos, she even put a photo of us in the case of her phone so she would have it in the hospital.

On our last date she wanted to take lots of instant photos, she even got some special filters (the one from under my monitor was in the shape of a heart, the red in he margins its from the filter), i usually let her have those photos because i knew she liked them, but that time she insisted that we take two of each so both of us have one, and i put one under my monitor and one in my wallet.

What's for sure she knew how to make me happy and brought color in my life, i'm going to miss her sooo much  but i'll try to stay positive and remember the bigger picture just like she wanted me to.

Ok it's time to wipe my tears and watch a movie to escape reality, because it's way to sad and i can't stop crying.

[Gail 8588]

Silviu,

This is so hard.  Crying is of course a very appropriate response, but like you I could only do this sort of work in small portions.  Watch a movie, go for a walk, come back to the pictures another day.  Little by little you will get through this chore. 

I am so sorry you and Gabi did not have more time. 

Gail

[Silviu]

Thank you Gail, i'm trying to save them as soon as possible because i feel that it becomes harder and harder to watch them, especially the photos from before we met, she had so many great memories that i missed, only if we met 1 or 2 years earlier.... So i'm trying to get this done as soon as possible, also i cant save them in bulk (no idea why), so i have to open each one and save it manually, which takes a while.

Also i found something interesting, when she died she was wearing a pink shirt backwards, because she had some burn marks due to radiotherapy and she couldn't wear something on her back because it was hurting, anyway i have found this picture with the exact same shirt from 19 May 2018:

Now i know how my angel looks like

 

[KayC]

Thank you for sharing the bracelets/messages with us.  You had a very special lady, but then you know that.  I am unable to view the picture you shared.

[Silviu]

23 minutes ago, KayC said:

I am unable to view the picture you shared.

hmm... are you using internet explorer or microsoft edge ? I just tried with all the browsers i have and only those 2 don't show the image properly, with google chrome works fine

Today i continued saving her photos, and it gets harder and harder, i'm not sure if it's because i've seen soo many, or if it's because they are from before we met. I'm filled with anger and sadness, each time i see a photo of her from a vacation she had, i'm just filled with jealousy, for not being there with her, i keep having thoughts like: if we would have met 1 or 2 years sooner i would have been there with her sharing those beautiful moments.

And i'm angry at life, since we met there was always something standing between us, we had lots of plans, but we didn't even get to do 10% in summer last year we planned 2 vacations together, we couldn't go because as soon as she finished her semester at university she got diagnosed with cancer, if the cancer would have came 2 months later we would have had a great summer, this summer we planned to go in 2 long vacations and a short one, if she would have survived a bit longer. Meanwhile if we would have met 2-3 months earlier we would have been able to go in 2 vacations in 2019, they where amazing, i wish i was there with her.

It's weird, i want to have all the photos with her that exist, but i don't want to look at them because it's too sad, i just want to have them.

I was doing ok, but since i started saving her photos i'm constantly crying, and i try to finish as soon as possible because i feel that the longer i wait the harder it will be.

Today found a photo from may 2017 when she moved in her house and she took a photo of her empty room, and that hit me hard, it's like someone deleted her existence from the world, even though that was an old photo, i feel that someday her room will be again empty, or completely changed.

The pictures since she met me aren't that hard to watch, they bring up nice memories, but those before, are hard to watch without thinking "look at what i've missed" , i don't know why i'm thinking this

[KayC]

I have Windows 7 and use Chrome.  I tried Mozilla Firefox too, same thing.

This is what it shows:

[Silviu]

3 hours ago, KayC said:

I have Windows 7 and use Chrome.  I tried Mozilla Firefox too, same thing.

This is what it shows:

 

can you see it now ? i think the problem was that i pasted the image directly into the post not actually uploading it and inserting into the post, also here is an imgur link to the photo https://i.imgur.com/UkSwkDB.jpg

[Gail 8588]

That is an amazing photo.  You do have a picture of your angel!

Gail 

[tnd]

That is a pretty neat picture of her. I would love to find angel wings somewhere so I could take pictures. Sometimes I think I see angel wings or angels in pictures of things or in patterns on fabric or flooring or the paint texture on walls.   

[KayC]

Yes, I can see it now, that is so cool!  Wow!

[Silviu]

21 hours ago, tnd said:

I would love to find angel wings somewhere so I could take pictures.

@tnd I'm not sure exactly where it was taken, because we didn't know eachother back then, but i think it was at the 2018 Comic Con convention in Bucharest, because it was between other photos she took there. 

Anyway you made me curious where i could find some angel wings graffiti so i did a little digging and i've found something very interesting that i think you might like, this website shows you where you can find angel wings https://globalangelwingsproject.com/home

They are all over the world, but since most of you are in the US here is the US map, you can also find the full map on that website

You have your location set to TX i guess it means Texas, so the closest one from you should be in Houston : 
TeXAS WITH ARTS BROOKFIELD
address
500 Dallas St, Houston, TX 77002

[tnd]

3 hours ago, Silviu said:

They are all over the world, but since most of you are in the US here is the US map, you can also find the full map on that website

Thank you for that link to Angel Wings in the USA, Silviu!  Kind of neat to think about it...the picture of Gabi made us think of angel wings and look what became of it. A map! All because you showed us her picture! That was really nice of you. I think it was meant to be shared. 

[tnd]

I checked the map. There are a couple of places that won't be too far from where I will be living. Might make for a nice little trip and to take pictures with the angel wings. 

[Silviu]

10 hours ago, tnd said:

Thank you for that link to Angel Wings in the USA, Silviu!  Kind of neat to think about it...the picture of Gabi made us think of angel wings and look what became of it. A map! All because you showed us her picture! That was really nice of you. I think it was meant to be shared. 

You're welcome, that's a nice way to think about it, nothing in life is random, it's interesting to think how many things have to align for something to happen, and how many small decisions influence big ones.

For example in order to meet Gabi at least 4 things had to align,

1. her mother and my father were colleagues  at work, i'm not even going to think how many decisions brought them at the same job but i'll count this as 1,

2. then one day i went to my fathers workplace to give him a ride home, and her mother saw me, liked me and told my father she wants me to meet her daughter, if I hadn't gone to his workplace her mother wouldn't have known me, and that's not something i usually do, i haven't been there in 2 years. Also at that time i was working in another city, so the chances of me being in my homecity at that time were small.

3. At the same time my aunt told me about a girl that she wanted me too meet, the funny thing was that her name was Gabi too, she was 24 years old and my Gabi was 19 at that time, and i was 25, so i wanted to try a date with the other one since we were closer in age, even though i didn't like that girl (she was smoking and for me its kind of a dealbreaker), i mostly wanted to get some dating experience because i didn't care if it doesn't work, since i didn't like her that much, i even asked her out 3 times but she found excuses not to go, so i gave up, if she would have said yes who knows what would have happened. When i asked my Gabi out she immediately said yes, she was very happy that i asked her out (i was the first guy to ask her out), i could tell from her voice how excited she was, even though she had classes, she still accepted to grab a drink together and meet, she later told me that she was busy with classes that day, but didn't want to refuse me because she was afraid i might not ask her again and she really wanted to meet.

4. The timing, basically i only had 1 week at my disposal to meet her, too soon and we would have both been too busy to meet (i was in Italy for a month, she then went to Austria for 2 weeks), too late and she would have been too busy with med school. Probably we would have still met, but who knows.. we still managed to see eachother, even though we were busy, but we had to put a lot of effort to make time and i'm not sure how it would have worked for a first date