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How do you even prepare?


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Maria.Y

Im just curious if anyone has ever planned ahead for your own death or for a loved one? What did you do and did it help the grieving process? 

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SadGirl83

I haven't planned for any death until now. My mama is currently in the CCU with congestive heart failure and we're discussing matters with a palliative care nurse. As for things like burial and funeral, I am still trying to find out more about that. We have some friends and a few out of state relatives that may be coming to her small funeral and/or a memorial service.

This is all so sudden and new. I am still in the anticipatory grief stage, but in my experience, planning for a death and funeral is not helping my grieving process at all.

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I have too much experience with this.

-My father put a lot of effort into preparing to die when he was diagnosed with cancer. He wanted my mom in a house that was easier to take care of and one that would see her into her old age. He wanted to not die before my brother's wedding (he didn't want to 'ruin' it). Hie preparations were important to him.

-My mother made sure he will was up to date, told us how to divide up her personal belongings and even wrote her own obituary. In her case it was because she had given up.

-My husband was different he had surgery before we had a chance to get much done after his medical retirement and a couple of surgeries he made sure to have a will, power of attorney, & DNR but he put all of his energy into living and avoided any discussion of end of life issues etc. We even had a surprise baby. I made sure my name was on almost everything and made the decision to not press the issue and just be there for him. It must have worked because he lived a LOT longer than anyone predicted. In some ways I wish everything was more planned for because I was in no shape to make any decisions (still am not).

What I have learned. You need to do what is best for you and you loved ones. I think that if there are minor children involved there needs to be more preparation to make sure they are taken care of but other than that follow the lead fo the person who is dying. They may not want to think about it or they may feel the need to plan; they will make it clear what they need.  

 

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Dear Maria,

For both my parents, we prepared a will. And for myself, I have done the same thing. 

For my father we also purchased this plot at the cemetery. He told my sister he wanted to be buried.

I guess taking care of the paperwork gives a little piece of mind. But I don't think it helped me in the grieving process, I was still terribly raw and upset. I wanted to stay in denial when my father passed. To this day, I blame myself for not doing enough for him. 

Brok said it best and we can only do the best we can.

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Valerie Lockhart

Dear Maria,

I planned my grandmother, grandfather and mother's funeral. My grandfather and mother confided their wishes to me, and I honored their wishes.  I've been procrastinating on writing my own wishes and making a will. However, I know that this is something that I should do. Even Jesus made provisions for his mother Mary, when he was dying on the torture stake. "Jesus, seeing his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing by, said to his mother: ‘Woman, see! Your son!’ Next he said to the disciple: ‘See! Your mother!’ And from that hour on the disciple [John] took her to his own home.”—John 19:25-27. The Bible wisely says: “The plans of the diligent one surely make for advantage.” (Proverbs 21:5) Planning for the possibility of death is practical. It also shows loving concern for survivors. If we do not arrange our affairs, others will do so. Perhaps people we have never met will make decisions about our belongings and funeral arrangements. Furthermore, the dead have no control over what is done with their possessions. (Ecclesiastes 9:5, 10) To have a say in what happens to his belongings, a person must arrange matters before death.

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