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Shirley24

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Shirley24

Looking to someone who can relate to my situation. I lost my son a little over a month ago to car accident, he was only 11 yrs old. The guilt is killing me inside. I just want vanish through thin air or be swallowed in a black hole. 

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Sadmomma

I cannot relate to losing a child that old but I can relate to losing a baby & I really relate to wanting to be in a black hole. I recently got out of a behavioral institution because I cannot cope. I don’t know how to cope I am always just angry. No matter what. 

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Shirley24

Im sorry to hear about your baby and your situtation. Im also angry at the world and myself. Im just trying to get by day by day as eveything is still fresh to me. Im not really sure if im coping its more so just trying to live with a broken heart. I started seeing a therapist and its somewhat helping. Surround yourself with people who love and care for you which also has been helpful for me. Sorry cant be much help but continue to be strong. 

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I can relate as my 13 y.o daughter was taken from me tragically. I never got to say a real goodbye and I feel dead inside. I just go on day by day….how? Idk maybe because she is giving me the strength from aboveand for my son and loved ones. My emotions are the same as yours-coping daily and dealing with a broken heart. I feel as if I’m just here. I hope you will continue to just get through day by day and just focus on each day. That’s all we can do at this point. I cry or close my eyes to imagine her and our memories together. Sometimes it brings me to tears sometimes I smile for a second. Xoxo

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Shirley24

So sorry to hear about your daughter. Life is just not fair. I am barely making it day by day but some days are better than others. I hope the same for you. I wish we didnt have to be in this situation. 

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I know it’s something I wouldn’t wish on an enemy if I had one. Tmrw is back to school and it’s going to be another hard pill to swallow. I will let off balloons for her tmrw and hope she sees them. All I can do at this point. Wishing you more better days than not so better days. Love from one grieving mom to another.

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Shirley24

You as well. My sons school planted a tree in honot of him and it was really hard but also greatful for them. crying has replaced my laughing. 

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I know how that is she was the same ppl called her a mama’s girl. She was my shopping buddy and my audience for me being a goof ball. I haven’t been w/o her for more than a wk except yrs ago when she would go to her dad’s yrs ago. I keep going for my 21 year old son who is kind of a mommas boy. We must keep pushing through this turmoil. I hope you got a little sleep.

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Shirley24

Im trying my best but it so hard to move on without him. He was also my shadow. he was with me all the time it didnt matter what or where. How did it go this morning?

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I know the feeling still seems so unreal day by day. I can’t believe I’m able to get through this to be honest. I tied balloons out in the front this morning and a group of us will drive to her school at 6 to let the balloons off. Kind of like a little parade, just to do something for her. Well maybe for me due to the circumstances.

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Danielle Masata

I love your idea with balloons.  I'm certain many others at school appreciated your gesture.  Of course your little girl will "see" them.  To me, it feels as if she's right there on your shoulder.  

Shirley24, I ache for your loss too.  The start of a new school year is amiss without the usual routines we were so used to: our kids worrying whether their friends will be in their class, what about the new kids in their class and what will their new teacher be like?  Hugs to you and Niyasmom and also to sadmomma.  We are all here for each other regardless of the age of our child.  It just feels wrong to outlive your child, but we soldier on as we share our grief and try to find meaningful ways to share why we're still here.

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Shirley24

There isnt much choice but yo try to live on even if its the hardest thing we have to do. It sucks and I hate everything about it.

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I ache for anyone’s loss bc the ones left here are in pain and suffering. I’ve just always had an extra soft space for children passing and now it’s mine that has passed. The day is almost over, but tmrw is another day. This is just the new norm. 
 

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I’m so sorry your day went that way. Mine was not as hard as usual bc I swamped myself in work n the tv. Everyday will be hard bc our lives have changed and a piece of us is gone. A pc. of our heart is shattered. I always want to give up, but then I think about the double pain my family would endure. That’s literally the only thing that keeps me going bc I want to be with her so badly. She just didn’t deserve this!!! 
Please think of your family when you have those feelings as it may put your mind back into this reality that we must go on with them in spirit. I hope your day is better today.

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Your absolutely right but its just really hard sometimes that I wana be selfish and only think about my pain and suffering. Guilt is eating me up inside

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Me too…I made a split second decision to let my daughter go to my friend’s (x friend now) house and returned a few hrs later for her to be GONE. To know that I let my guard down for a minute bc I trusted them. Her son did this to my daughter…someone we trusted! It eats me up to the core daily and I will never forgive myself for what she endured in those last moments…Wish I could trade places.

We will get through this, but it’s not easy and we just can’t give up on life. I know your lil boy knows you love him still and you just have to go with those good memories to keep you going. It helps me get by daily.

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I was driving and it was my fault I dont think I can ever move on knowing I couldnt protect him but yah I hear you. All we can do is live day by day. 

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Danielle Masata

From my earlier post... "Hugs to you (Shirley24) and Niyasmom and to sadmomma.  We are all here for each other regardless of the age of our child. " I should add "regardless of the circumstances of the loss".  We hear you and that's a lot of reasons why we're here.  To share the pain.  I know you have such terrible sense of guilt, as do I.  What else could I have done and said to prevent where I am today?  Who could have predicted this?  It is hard to move on with my guilt, and I know I'll never truly be able to do that, but I also know it's not healthy.  I hope you and Shirley24 can forgive yourselves one day.

Niyasmom, thank you for sharing.  I lost a sister due to the carelessness of a neighbor.  This happened before I was born and never actually met this sister.  That family moved away shortly after the accident.  I hope that X friend has the decency to do the same.

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Danielle Masata

Hi Jamie.  I'm so sorry about your loss. We are all here, for each other.  It's an overwhelming experience you (and we) are dealing with.  I lost my oldest son earlier this year.  It's a shock, but I have found comfort in sharing my story and grief and pain with others who know how this feels.  I'm glad you found us.  Feel free to share any details that come to mind.

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Niyasmom

So sorry you’ve joined us under the circumstances Jamie. Hope all you momma’s try to get some rest tonight. Been real rough for me lately. 

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Niyasmom

I’ve never been a tv person, but I find it takes my mind off the pain for a period of time….until a trigger comes on. Just still hurts as if it were yesterday.

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Shirley24

Thats all I did for the first few months. woke up sat on the couch and watched tv or pretty much stared  not so much watched. 

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Danielle Masata

What time do you find the easiest / hardest?  I am such a terrible night owl and my son's death made it so much worse.  I would just stare at my phone or computer for hours, accomplishing nothing, but I do so little motivation to go to bed.  Nighttime was also when Patrick would finally come home so I got used to staying up and waiting for him.  Then I discovered this site and in some ways, my sleep hours got much, much worse because I wouldn't go up until after my husband went to bed.  Truth is, I prefer to write at night.  This fall, after signing up for a few classes to keep me busy, I was, as they say, burning the candle at both ends.  I wouldn't go to bed until 3:00am or so, but had to get up 4-5 hours later.  Ugh!  I've really tried to switch my schedule around, but I still find myself only sleeping measly 5 hours and when I wake up, I'm always thinking of our son. As they say, recognizing a problem is the first step in fixing it. Of course, I'll never not think of Patrick, but I know I need more sleep. I hope you can sleep well, despite all the trauma in your lives.

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Shirley24

What is sleep?! I havent had a descent sleep since. I was never morning person to begin with but it got worst. The first couple of months I stayed till morning with the tv on and would get 4 to 5 hours sleep 

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Niyasmom

I’ve always been a night hawk too, so before my daughter passed I would normally get about 6/7 hrs of sleep. I get about 4-6 of broken sleep because I can’t help but to think about her and I miss her so much.  Now I watch tv on the sofa with hubby, we doze off between 1-2, he goes up to bed, asks me to come, I wake up watch more tv til I doze off again.

The hardest times for me are at night, getting ready for school hrs and about 2 when I would pick her up from school. The usually routines and someone depending on me are now gone. The easiest times are when I’m out the house doing something with a friend, hubby and or son. Car rides by myself are the worse and I take a different routes to avoid the place she was taken from me. 
I haven’t been on her for awhile so guess I’m making up for loss times. I know they was long.

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Shirley24

I cant help but cry when I see kids his age walking around in their uniforms either going to school or just got out. I took my son to school everyday as well and we did almost everything together so pretty much anything I do and everywhere I go I miss his presence. He was always there for me and always helping me on everything. It so hard that I dont have that person anymore and the love he showed me was different. with him, I was the luckiest mom in the world. 

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Niyasmom

I know I’m right there with you. I can’t even go to certain stores, plazas, or some restaurants anymore. I’ve had to reconfigure my movements and my daily mom duties. My house isn’t a home anymore w/o her there and I wfh so that just adds more misery daily. I can’t even walk by Cheez-its or Flaming hot Cheetos w/o getting emotional. I just went to a hair store in another town to avoid the usual one I’d go to w/ my daughter and 2 girls asked if I needed help…long story short they said we’re in here all the time and assisted me. I said how old are you and they said 13….I just teared up bc my daughter is 13 and it just tore me up inside that she’s gone and will never be able to go to the hair store with me or anybody else….It just brings me to tears as I type this. Idk how long I can take this

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Shirley24

I know exactly as we are on the same sinking boat. All we can do is try to get by one day at a time even if some days are harder than others. There have been many times where giving up seems like the route to take but we both know its not. I honestly dont know why im still sane. 

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Niyasmom

Me either, just surprised that I’m even able to function. I know I can’t do that to my son, parents, and hubby. If it weren’t for them I truly don’t know. Some days are definitely way harder.

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Shirley24

Im glad to also have people here who can relate  it has been a big help having conversations with everyone. I dont feel so alone in this hell hole

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Niyasmom

You’re right about that. It does help to know someone feels the same pain vs talking to my friends that can’t relate. They are sad for me but everyone’s life is still normal and they can’t even imagine.

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Shirley24

exactly it sucks for us that they can live a happy normal life and we cant. every now and then i still say I hate my life beucause he was my life. 

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Danielle Masata

Shirley and Niyasmom,  Your children are about the same ages and your child's passing is also similar.  I'm glad you have each other. Jamie's mom too.  I hope she returns.

I feel something that you've mentioned: how your friends are kind and empathic, but they can't relate. It got to the point where I just felt angry when I heard good news.  I stopped going on FB especially.  Everyone loves to swoon about their children's accomplishments (my brother is the worst!) and I wanted to scream.  It was bad before, but awful now. As one of my son says now: no one wants to hear more bad news from us and these days, that's about there is.

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Niyasmom

I know what you mean, I feel like the Grinch at times. I went to a gathering at a winery for my friend’s bday-to take my mind off for a bit…within a minute they all start talking about their kids. I just looked down and started messing with my phone as I thought knock it off. I actually had to cut my friend off mid sentence and say look I don’t want to hear about the outing with the kids right now. It’s just too early for me. She apologised and said she understood. I don’t wanna be that friend, but I have to put my feeling first right now so they can take it or leave. I feel like I have nothing to lose already.

I know you miss your son as well. I have a soon to be 22 y.o son that I’m close with and I’d feel lost as well. Hope we all can find some type of peace one day maybe.

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