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Dreams


BBB

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First, I'll start off by beginning with the fact that my wife and I rarely fought, rarely argued at all. We just didn't. I've never had dreams of fighting or being mad at her or her being mad at me. 

However, the past two dreams I've had with her in it, I've been angry with her. She passed almost a year ago. Has this happened to anyone? Just a coincidence?

 

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I didn't get a dream of George for a year!  And when I did, I demanded to know where he'd been all that time!  When I woke up I was mad at myself for wasting precious time with him to get mad!  Dreams don't have to make sense, sometimes we know why/where they come from, sometimes not.  

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I don't know if it was a nightmare or what but just last night I was rattled by "something". I semi-woke up hearing and feeling like something was growling and pulling me by my feet. It was awful. I think I scared my two cats (they sleep up on the bed with me and not anywhere near my feet). The first thought I had was of my husband. No, I didn't think it had been him in the nightmare acting like some rabid animal but for whatever reason, I thought of him. Not necessarily for comfort (as I did when he was alive) but his face came to my mind. I pictured it for but a few seconds and that was it. I felt weird after that, like I said, kind of rattled. I'd much rather have good dreams about him than whatever it was I had last night. 

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widower2

All this "what is the meaning of this dream??" has historically been given a lot of conjecture; entire books have been written about what it means if you have a dream about finding money, about flying, etc etc. IMO it's pretty much nonsense. Dreams are mostly mental static, little more.

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I don't usually remember my dreams as I have to take a sleeping pill in order to sleep.  

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widower2

Sorry to hear that Kay. I rarely get a good night's sleep and almost never a full 8 hrs. My "sleeping pill" is a few drinks :)

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june483

Early on, within the first couple of months, when I thought my brain was never going to get right, and my every thought was consumed with yearning for my husband constantly I had a dream about him.  He was at a sort of bachelor party for himself (?) and there were women there that were flirting with him and he was enjoying it.  I was looking on from another room, I wasn't supposed to be there.  I thought about it and my thoughts were, leave it alone, tomorrow I will just bust his chops about it, it's not that big of a deal, I was actually glad he was enjoying himself. 

When I woke up I was mildly annoyed at him, then immediately amused.  I felt like he wanted me to be annoyed with him so that I would stop obsessing about him every minute.  He knew me that well and it sounds crazy but I got that message loud and clear and it brought me comfort to think that he was still pulling some strings for me to try to help me through.  I believe dreams can be therapeutic and I'm trying to use them in my favor.

I am trying hard to remember my dreams and like to interpret my own.  I try to think, how did the dream make me feel and what message am I receiving from it.  

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21 hours ago, tnd said:

Wish I could have a drink

Not advisable in grief anyway, beyond one, as it's too easy to turn to it to drown your sorrows...but then alcoholism runs in my family so I stay clear of it.  Besides, I have Diabetes and am on a very strict low car diet.  Alcohol can raise blood sugar.

18 hours ago, june483 said:

felt like he wanted me to be annoyed with him so that I would stop obsessing about him every minute.

I got a chuckle out of this!  It's so neat that you knew each other so well...so did we.  

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I didn't want to say anything about this today but decided I may as well. Don't mean to creep anyone out with it, tho. Last nite I had a nitemare similar to the one I had where it felt like something was growling and pulling at my feet in bed. Well, last nite was the same thing only this time I was fighting with "it", whatever "it" was and ended up falling out of bed. My cats just lifted their heads and looked at me, probably wondering what the heck I was doing. I do not have a history of falling out of bed. So why now, I don't know. Before my husband passed and while he was in the hospital I started having nitemares...real gory stuff. I will spare you the details. So I don't know if this "new" scary nitemare is related or if I'm just experiencing this because of stress and feeling like my life is all up in the air now. Use to be that I'd have nitemares of having to run from tornadoes when I was stressed. But never anything gory, growly or mean like the ones I've been having lately. I miss not having my husband to comfort me when I wake up scared. I love my two cats and they are pretty affectionate but when it's their sleep time they could care less about anything. Told my male cat that he's the "man of the house" now. That really did not help me. My husband was such a good man, made me feel safe. That life buoy is now gone. 

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On 6/19/2021 at 12:56 PM, BBB said:

the past two dreams I've had with her in it, I've been angry with her. She passed almost a year ago. Has this happened to anyone? Just a coincidence?

 

Maybe it is not expected but it's probably normal to be angry with someone we lost. Maybe you are angry at her in your dreams because you couldn't be angry with her for passing and in that sense, "leaving you" when she was still alive. Maybe if she was alive and one day announced that she was leaving you, you'd be upset with her. That would be a reality. But maybe our reality now is dealing with dreams as they come. I know this sounds to obvious, too simple but I honestly don't know what else to make of it other than thinking your dreams are normal during a time that is anything BUT normal for you. If you've been under a lot of stress, which I suspect you have, you are angry to have to be dealing with so much while also grieving. And so it comes out in the form of being angry at your late wife through dreams. I know I tend to have nitemares when I most stressed.   

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widower2
On 6/20/2021 at 4:53 PM, tnd said:

Wish I could have a drink. Some Irish Creme but can't because of the meds I am on. I can't have a sleeping pill, either. I miss my Ambien. It had to go bye-bye when I was diagnosed with a rare lung disease. I'm on oxygen 24/7 and because my breathing is more shallow when I sleep, the doctor was afraid I might fall asleep and not wake up. Really sucks that I've got nothing just to sleep or feel calm. Thank goodness for this site, it's open 24/7 and as far as I know, doesn't negatively affect our health. 

So sorry to hear this tnd. Pretty sure this site is health safe. :) Some "tricks" I've used in the past to get sleepy were movies or reading and listening to relaxing music FWIW.

 

On 6/21/2021 at 2:48 PM, KayC said:

 Alcohol can raise blood sugar

It can also lower it. It's a complex thing...but something to be careful of for sure. 

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1 hour ago, widower2 said:

It can also lower it. It's a complex thing.

Yes, that is right. And too low of blood sugar can be dangerous. My husband had to avoid alcohol because he had kidney disease and was on dialysis. He not only had to limit his daily fluid intake but alcoholic drinks could have made him nauseous. And of course, he didn't want his blood sugar level falling too low -or going too high. He was very good about testing his blood every day, particularly before eating so he could decide how much or what to eat and how much Insulin to take. Whenever his blood sugar dropped too low his body would go into panic-mode and he'd need glucose or something sugary and fast. It just seems so unfair. He was doing all the right things but it still took him.   

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11 hours ago, widower2 said:
On 6/21/2021 at 11:48 AM, KayC said:

 Alcohol can raise blood sugar

It can also lower it. It's a complex thing...but something to be careful of for sure. 

We do not recommend alcohol for diabetics.  Zero is best, if one cannot live with that, lesser is better.  (We being the diabetic group I moderate.)

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9 hours ago, tnd said:

Whenever his blood sugar dropped too low

Usually from medications.  We recommend talking to doctor about lowering them so as not to get the lows, you're right, it's very scary and dangerous.  Diabetes can be a hard balance, especially to those whose diabetes is not well under control.  I am so sorry you are going back and forth over these things now, my husband died of diabetic complications and we were doing what the doctor/dietitians said.  I have since learned the info received was misguided info and have been learning, learning, learning ever since.  Our AMA and ADA are still giving the same jargon as they have the last 50 years.  I have learned to follow the $ trail, it leads to skewed "studies" and false guidelines.  

NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT!  NONE OF THIS IS HIS FAULT!  And all of our whatifs and beating ourselves up does not bring them back or do us any good.  We can only go by what we know at the time!

I'm sorry you are going through this, I know it all too well, be understanding of yourself and try to let it go, ask yourself what he would want for you...also what would you tell a friend going through this?  Tell that to yourself.  :wub:

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I don't read webmd anymore as I've seen them be way off way too many times, but thanks.  Here's one I would pay more heed to: ALCOHOL CARBS AND KETO - by Robert Cywes - YouTube

My father was an alcoholic, I will have a very rare drink but no more, I take my diabetes very seriously and may, as such, live more stringently than others.  I've found what works for me!

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Diane R. E.

This is all great information, but maybe start a new topic on it? (This one is on the topic of dreams.) Just my 2 cents; I don't mean to offend anyone.

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I have yet to see him in one of my dreams.  At first the recurring dreams were of me being lost.  They have stopped for the most part now.  Last week I had a nightmare that I was somehow married to Trump.  Where did that come from?  I think I was trying to talk him back into reality. Help him, but I don't think it turned out well.  I've only been able to watch my local news, no world news or internet since.  That one I'm still shaking off!  Sheeesh.  I also like my wine but feel I was doing more harm than good so trying to only have it 3-4 times a week.  Those are the nights I sleep.  The other nights I am up and down and those are the nights I remember the dreams I had.  I might have a drinking problem, but I also need to sleep.  Hard work keeping it in moderation.  I'm doing the best I can.  Already on an anti depressant which I take in the AM, if I quit drinking completely I will surely need another pill, and I don't want that.

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5 hours ago, KayC said:

I take my diabetes very seriously and may, as such, live more stringently than others.

KayC:  You will be glad you did. Anyone with diabetes can decline or experience difficulties at any time from it. Better to lower your risk than to not to. 

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widower2
7 hours ago, Diane R. E. said:

This is all great information, but maybe start a new topic on it? (This one is on the topic of dreams.) Just my 2 cents; I don't mean to offend anyone.

Point well made. Pardon the sidetrack! 

I've had a few dreams here and there of her but it wasn't anything dramatic...however I welcome them, good or bad even, as pictures i value highly but limited, I have so little in the way of video of her, to really "see" her and hear her, so that's another way sort of. She was ridiculously bad about "oh don't take my pic" etc which got old, I should have been more insistent about doing it anyway. 

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58 minutes ago, widower2 said:

She was ridiculously bad about "oh don't take my pic" etc which got old, I should have been more insistent about doing it anyway. 

My husband and I were both bad about not wanting our pictures taken. I have our wedding album and then a few of just him. But at least in every picture that I do have he is smiling and looks genuinely happy. Except for his drivers license photo. I'm going to keep it tho. Only because he use to give me that same serious look if he disagreed with me and then we'd talk about why. I might need to pull it out if I ever doubt myself and if I think he would have disagreed with me on something. I'm still waiting for a good dream of him. 

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23 hours ago, Diane R. E. said:

This is all great information, but maybe start a new topic on it? (This one is on the topic of dreams.) Just my 2 cents; I don't mean to offend anyone.

IDK how this sidetracked as topic discussions sometimes do in their evolution.  I apologize if it upset you.

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Diane R. E.

The sidetrack didn't upset me at all, it just surprised me when I was thinking the new posts would be about dreams. 

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Roxeanne

In my dreams my loved one act as in life...in the last one he helped me as he did so often in life!

He never said a word about what happened, only one time he hinted that he would be away for a while...but i am so glad to see him alive, to be with him again that doesn't matter...! Even i'd like to hear his story about that night...

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I was having terrible nitemares all the months that my husband was in the hospital and he was in some of these nitemares with me. In these nitemares, we were looking for a place to live because we could no longer afford our current apartment and we kept ending up at apartments in vacant trashed out old buildings. I'd keep saying that I could fix the place up and make it livable but he'd shake his head no and said we needed to leave. Since his passing I have not had these nitemares and I have not had any good dreams of him either. I so wish I could have a good dream of him. I feel like my brain is too clogged up to allow a good dream in. Hope not too much more time goes by that my brain will start to unclog.    

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I did not dream of my George for about a year, I couldn't understand it as we were each other's world!  We were always together, when not working!  He'd call me on his breaks, we were the first thing on each other's minds every day.  I don't claim to understand dreams, only that I'm not good at controlling or inviting them.  But I do have this for you to consider if you're interested in looking into it:

How To Control Your Dream (While You're Sleeping) | HuffPost
control your dreams? Here's how you can -- ScienceDaily
Dreams control

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My mother passed eight years ago. After about a year I started having dreams where I would see her but she'd only be standing off in the distance. She would just be "there" and not looking at me or saying anything. It was more like I'd see glimpses of her. Then, just this past year I began seeing her in dreams and sort of interacting with me. We will be at places that make sense and she's talking out loud to me but not really looking me in the eyes. And we don't touch or hug. But I'll hear her in these dreams and she's the same as she was. It is kind of comforting. But I still miss her so very much. I wish she were here now to help me with the loss of my husband. Altho I have to say, she might just tell me I need to move on and get over it. And that of course, would leave me seething.  

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Sometimes the reality of the person is different from what we wish they'd be like, that's true for my mom, for sure.  I miss who I always hoped her to be but sadly she wasn't.

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10 hours ago, KayC said:

I miss who I always hoped her to be but sadly she wasn't.

KayC:  That's why I am amazed that you became such a good mother and caretaker without ever having had one.  

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I don't know if I was dreaming or not, I think I was half awake when I thought I heard my husband this morning. It was very early but about the time he would have been up. I thought I heard him out in the living room talking on his phone. Of course I wouldn't know who he was talking to but it sounded like he was answering a lot of questions. At first I thought I was hearing things (maybe I was??) or that maybe someone was talking on their phone outside my window while walking their dog. But I became fully awake and listened. And I heard his voice again. I almost got up out of bed to go look but decided not to. I figured that even if it was someone's voice I heard outside the window or a dream, it did make me feel kind of good hearing it. Or thinking about him. Didn't make me cry. Hope I have more of these experiences.  

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Some things we can't explain, perhaps it was one of those unexplainable "signs" sent to bring you comfort.  Has your SIL arrived yet?

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6 hours ago, KayC said:

Has your SIL arrived yet?

KayC:  This morning again while I was half awake, thought I saw my husband. Well, half of him...saw him standing by the bed. Saw legs, an arm and a hand but by the time I looked up, he was gone and I didn't see a face. Don't know if it was him or not but would like to think so.  

My SIL should be arriving in a few hours.  

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On 8/4/2021 at 2:42 PM, tnd said:

I don't know if I was dreaming or not, I think I was half awake when I thought I heard my husband this morning. It was very early but about the time he would have been up. I thought I heard him out in the living room talking on his phone. Of course I wouldn't know who he was talking to but it sounded like he was answering a lot of questions. At first I thought I was hearing things (maybe I was??) or that maybe someone was talking on their phone outside my window while walking their dog. But I became fully awake and listened. And I heard his voice again. I almost got up out of bed to go look but decided not to. I figured that even if it was someone's voice I heard outside the window or a dream, it did make me feel kind of good hearing it. Or thinking about him. Didn't make me cry. Hope I have more of these experiences.  

tnd.  I am so jealous. I hope you have more of these experiences too.

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I'm so glad some of you are having these experiences.  I'm just glad if I get some sleep.  ;)  @tnd Thinking of you with what you have ahead, praying for you.:wub:

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My mother passed away 8 years ago. For quite some time when I first began having dreams of her, I'd see her but she wasn't looking at me or talking. Only recently has she been talking and she is always angry over something. Not with me but about other people and things. For instance, in one dream we were at a store to pick up a vase she ordered. She got mad because it was suppose to be a large flower vase but instead, was a small one. So in these dreams, it's stuff like that that she is upset about. 

I've been feeling her presence lately, as if she were in the same room with me. I admit, she's sort of been my inspiration when things go wrong or if I have to speak up about something. That was the way she was and taught me to do that. Only sometimes I lose patience and then just spew anger. In the last few days I've had to speak up and defend myself. Didn't necessarily get the results I had hoped for but on the other, went better than expected. And I didn't let my anger do the talking, 

Now that I've spoken up for myself, I kind of want my mother to "go away". I'm afraid her presence will inadvertently work me up until I yell and spew anger at someone. I can't have that happen. For some reason, my husband remains quiet. I do not feel his presence. Just as well though right now, I am not a happy camper and wouldn't want to just dump on him. I don't want to be angry at anyone and especially not him. But I haven't seen him in any of my dreams lately and wonder why not. I'd love to be able to at least see him in a dream and not a weird one. Perhaps my emotions are too slanted in one direction lately (towards anger) that it is preventing me from having any happy-kind of dreams. About anyone or anything. Just my feisty and angry mother. Okay, Mom, enough already.  

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I never dream about my mom, just as well, she was troubled (mental) all her life, I don't need that stirred up.  Dementia actually seemed to bring her relief from her extreme paranoia, but still it's hard watching your loved one lose their memories, as I'm having to watch Peggy do now.  I tell her about something and the next day she has no recollection of it, so I just relay it again, knowing it does no good.  We have always been able to share with each other so I continue even though she won't remember.

 

 

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