This has changed who I am

[CJay1]

Losing my mother over 4yrs ago has changed me as a person. I'm now someone I don't particularly like. I thought I would come out of the grieving process, but it's like I'm stuck and I'm such an angry person. I push people away, I have zero friends left and my partner who loved me very much (once), now wants nothing to do with me.

I cry all the time and I've developed a very quick temper. I used to be a very loving person but now I feel numb inside and I say things I don't mean to push away everyone, but at the same time I'm desperately lonely.

I refuse to speak to my sisters who did nothing to care for my mother and who did not come to the funeral. My mum died suddenly and I had kept very close to her after my Dad died 25yrs ago. I sold my house and moved in with her in her last years. I didn't want her to be alone.

The morning I found her has changed my life forever. I feel like I'm drowning in grief. My cousin died suddenly, who I was close with and I have no remaining family apart from two daughters who live miles away.

I'm 50 and I feel like life is over. I would take my own life if it wasn't for my dog who I love very much. 

 

 

[DeborahtheDaughter]

I am very sorry to hear of all of your losses. I've been reading up on something called complicated grief and you may want to as well. Sounds like you need a helping hand. Please consider contacting your doctor today for a conversation and some options for the right kind of help. Or, if you need to talk through you desire to hurt yourself, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is available 24/7/365. That number is 1-800-273-8255. Be good to yourself, CJay1; don't give up too soon...50 years old is awfully young these days.