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I don't even know what this is. But I need to do something with it.


Beau

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Yesterday, I gave Annemarie's grandfather a video call to show him the baby. He has dementia. Because he gets very anxious and confused when he's told that someone in his family is dead (mostly people who have been dead for decades), it was decided that no one would tell him about Annemarie's death. It made sense to me. His mind isn't going to recover and gain clarity, there's no point on telling him something that will both crush him and he'll later forget.

I didn't have a plan. I didn't know what I was to say if he asked about her, but he didn't. He was just happy to see a baby and somewhat registered that he's a member of his family. 

Before hanging up, his niece told me that she wanted to tell me something but she wasn't sure if I wanted to hear it. I assumed it was going to be about my mother in law, so I said to go ahead, the more information I have the better. Instead she told me that the morning after my wife's funeral, they were chatting about nothing and he just stated: "Marie came for a visit. She asked me to go with her, but I said no. I did tell her 'Mimi you should wear more blue dresses like that, you look so pretty'".

Annemarie was buried in a baby blue dress. We didn't know if we were having a boy or a girl. She said to her family that they would know the baby's sex when we sent them pictures and saw her wearing pink or blue. That was going to be quite the revelation, not only because of the baby but because she never wore bright colors. I can see her closet where I'm sitting, and everything there is dark red, dark purple, dark gray, dark green, and of course, black, on black, on black. I thought she looked perfect in her monochrome outfits, but her family whined about it once in a while. Several of them openly cried because she wore a dress so green it looked black on our wedding day. 

This lady was right, I don't know if I wanted to hear that or not, but it can't be unheard. Logically, these are just the confused thoughts of a man whose mind is failing him. Maybe someone in the family did tell him that she was dead, told him about the details of her funeral, and we just don't know about it. I don't know why but a part of me really wants to say "that's nothing" and move on. I tried to see if today I could put it out of my mind, but its still *there*. I don't think I like it. I don't think it should be a big deal. I don't know what to do with it.

 

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It seems that people here don't know what to do with it either. From what you say it seems unlikely that Annemarie's grandfather would have been able to retain that information if someone had told him. I have certainly heard stories like this before, they are much more common than we generally believe. I think all you can do is trust your instinct.His neice obviously thought this might help you. I would have felt I needed to tell you too.

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Beau, maybe I am missing something here — apologies if I am?   If this had happened to me, I would definitely believe that my loved one was near.  That would fill me with love and hope.  I believe AnneMarie’s grandfather heard and saw her, from everything you describe.  Don’t you? i am unsure why you wouldn’t like that?   Or is it that you are afraid to believe it is true? 

Your story is giving me hope tonight, as my husband has come to me once since he died... I swear he held my hand.  I so desperately want him to be with me.  In my grieving, I believe now that I have pushed him away without meaning to, as my sorrow has been unbearable.    I am now trying to be open to any spiritual connection I can have with him.   I so want to know he is there....

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6 hours ago, AnnRA said:

maybe I am missing something here — apologies if I am?   If this had happened to me, I would definitely believe that my loved one was near.

I guess its hard for me to picture something like this happening, because it feels unreal, and it also means that if there's a heaven then Annemarie isn't there? I don't want her to be a ghostly apparition in our lives. If there's such thing as a soul, and sometimes I don't know about that, then I want her to be in a better place, in a better world. But none of this is about what we want, uh?

1 hour ago, Gail 8588 said:

I wouldn't worry too much about this.  If it was Annemarie, it sounds like a pleasant encounter.  If it was a by product of medications or misfiring neurons in his brain, he was thinking of her fondly.  

This is probably the best perspective one can have on this. Whatever it was, it was not a bad thing. 

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9 hours ago, foreverhis said:

Only you can decide what your own beliefs and faith are.  But if it was me, I would definitely have wanted to hear that story because I would find it comforting.

Thank you @foreverhis. I don't know what to believe, but maybe I will have to figure it out to howt to feel or to stop thinking about it. 

 

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I absolutely love this post - I take great comfort in it - I do believe our loved ones still exist in "the heavens" - I don't think my husband would come around me as a bird or anything like that but I do think he will be there to meet me when it is my time. There are many unexplained "coincidences" and "signs" and I think there is a lot that we don't know or can't prove but time and time again these kinds of stories keep popping up.  

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A lot of people take comfort in signs/visitations, and that's how I'd receive this, that it is in a positive light

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4 hours ago, june483 said:

I absolutely love this post - I take great comfort in it - I do believe our loved ones still exist in "the heavens"

Well, if anything can be said about this is that I'm genuinely glad some of you took comfort in what Annemarie's aunt told me. 

I feel less antsy and troubled by it, and will likely consciously put it out of my mind for now. Maybe spirituality is too high a concept for me, but I appreciate all the shared pespectives on how this is not necessarily a bad thing.

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20 hours ago, KayC said:

A lot of people take comfort in signs/visitations, and that's how I'd receive this, that it is in a positive light

I ran across this today, check out the link...Messages from Beyond

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@KayC Thank you for the link and thinking of my weird issues. I'll keep checking the thread to see what people say. I have never believed in ghosts or paranormal things, and I guess I'm just upset at the thought that my wife could be one. It has never seemed like a happy or pleasant way of existing (not-existing?. I get the sense that, by what many of you have said in here, there might be a difference between what I'm thinking of and the visitations or signs AnnRa, Michelene and Foreverhis got from their spouses. But I don't know what the difference is. My spiritual development ended at 14, when I went into confession and very openly told the priest I was only getitng confirmed in the Church because the girl I liked said she would never marry a boy without all his sacraments. The priest told me I should really be doing it because of my devotion to God and my convictions as a Christian. I said okay, but deep down I said "sure, but no, I just really want Annemarie to be my girlfriend".

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On 6/8/2021 at 12:43 AM, Beau said:

Yesterday, I gave Annemarie's grandfather a video call to show him the baby. He has dementia. Because he gets very anxious and confused when he's told that someone in his family is dead (mostly people who have been dead for decades), it was decided that no one would tell him about Annemarie's death. It made sense to me. His mind isn't going to recover and gain clarity, there's no point on telling him something that will both crush him and he'll later forget.

I didn't have a plan. I didn't know what I was to say if he asked about her, but he didn't. He was just happy to see a baby and somewhat registered that he's a member of his family. 

Before hanging up, his niece told me that she wanted to tell me something but she wasn't sure if I wanted to hear it. I assumed it was going to be about my mother in law, so I said to go ahead, the more information I have the better. Instead she told me that the morning after my wife's funeral, they were chatting about nothing and he just stated: "Marie came for a visit. She asked me to go with her, but I said no. I did tell her 'Mimi you should wear more blue dresses like that, you look so pretty'".

Annemarie was buried in a baby blue dress. We didn't know if we were having a boy or a girl. She said to her family that they would know the baby's sex when we sent them pictures and saw her wearing pink or blue. That was going to be quite the revelation, not only because of the baby but because she never wore bright colors. I can see her closet where I'm sitting, and everything there is dark red, dark purple, dark gray, dark green, and of course, black, on black, on black. I thought she looked perfect in her monochrome outfits, but her family whined about it once in a while. Several of them openly cried because she wore a dress so green it looked black on our wedding day. 

This lady was right, I don't know if I wanted to hear that or not, but it can't be unheard. Logically, these are just the confused thoughts of a man whose mind is failing him. Maybe someone in the family did tell him that she was dead, told him about the details of her funeral, and we just don't know about it. I don't know why but a part of me really wants to say "that's nothing" and move on. I tried to see if today I could put it out of my mind, but its still *there*. I don't think I like it. I don't think it should be a big deal. I don't know what to do with it.

 

My husband passed away on May 13th of a dissected aorta, out of the blue, never sick, 48...just gone. I found out after the funeral that his grandmother who raised him and is 100 years old and still living, was walking across the living room in her daughter's home in Texas (we live in Minnesota) the day before my husband passed. Her daughter asked her where she was going and she said, "Andrew is in the kitchen and he is calling me." Her daughter said, "mom....Andrew is in Minnesota, he isn't in the kitchen." and Grandmother said, "I heard him call me and I have to go see him." 

I think when we get very old, the vail between our world and the next is very thin. I truly believe his grandmother had a premonition - or whatever you want to call it. I had asked the family not to tell her that he passed away. She will see him soon, we don't need to upset her in the little bit of life she has left. 

I personally am comforted by the fact that his grandmother, who he loved dearly, had such a connection to him that she heard is voice before he died. I hope that you are able to find comfort in the love your wife had for her grandfather and just leave it at that. Life is full of crazy unknowns...we should find comfort in the love because the grief is unbearable.  

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@foreverhis thank you for taking the time to explain this. I guess I can live with the idea that it was a brief encounter and not a thing that will keep happening. I don't know about heaven for myself or for "people" in general, but I do want it for her. She believed and led a life that would bring her closer to God. And for her, I want it to be true. 

@ranger72 I'm honestly glad that's a source of comfort to you. I'm sure my wife's aunt wanted me to take it the same way. 

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14 minutes ago, Beau said:

She believed and led a life that would bring her closer to God. And for her, I want it to be true. 

That is such a lovely and loving sentiment.  It makes perfect sense to me.

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I do not thiink of this in terms of paranormal or ghosts either.  We are spirits and when our physical body dies I believe our spirits continue on.  If I didn't have that to hold onto...IDK.

As humans we need hope.  My heart goes out to those who do not have that.  I could tell you some of the things that have been "signs" to me but you might think it coincidence...I don't view it as such.  I am a person that believes in statistics rather than coincidence.  And when the odds are stacked against it and there's no explanation, it tells me something.  Pansy was our flower our whole relationship (George called it the smiling flower), we had some on our patio, which being on a hill, is on 8' stilts.  I live in the mountains, snow country.  Pansies do not survive the winter here.  I buy new ones come summer.  Yet one year after he died (to the day), I found a pansy on the ground, by the corner of the patio.  It could not have survived the winter, I've been here 44 years, never seen this happen before or since, I think George sent it to me to know he was thinking of me on his anniversary of death.  Another time, I had just bought a car, the next day the lights came on, I took it to the local shop and was walking the two miles to my church office where I worked.  I saw a pansy growing in the pavement!  Again, I felt George sent it to me to let me know it was going to be okay.  Another time, I had called soc. sec. to find out how much my benefit would be as I needed to file, I was out of $ following loss of job four years earlier (recession, I also experienced age discrimination for the first time in my life I could not get a job)...the lady on the phone told me coldly I'd get $250/month!  I was saddled with thousands of dollars of debt against my home when George died, I'd previously had it paid off (I'm still paying on it) and I could not live on that!  I asked her to double check as my anxiety went through the roof, she refused, told me to call my "local office."  I had held for her for an hour and was panicked, yet she wouldn't double check!  I called the local office, they'd just closed, it was a three day weekend.  That night I was laying on my bed, all of a sudden I felt George's hand on my shoulder/back.  I'd know his touch anywhere!  I instantly felt a calm peace come over me and I was able to wait the three days until someone could talk to me from there.  I got a nice caring man who not only told me the correct amount but filed on my behalf and set up Medicare to come out automatically.  I figure the first lady wanted off the phone to start her weekend and just talked off the top of her head, erroneously.  George calmed me.  No one will ever talk me out of this nor can offer an explanation.  I've come to accept there is much we do not know about beyond, but that does not mean it does not exist. 

21 hours ago, ranger72 said:

we should find comfort in the love because the grief is unbearable.

Yes!  :wub:

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18 hours ago, foreverhis said:

In my heart and mind, my love managed to reach through in that moment to help me.

That is beautiful.  I've heard it takes great effort for them to get through to us, IDK anything about that, I have not studied it.  But I know what I experienced and that's enough for me!  Maybe it's easier for the simple minded like me than people who doubt and question everything!

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