Members Beau Posted June 8, 2021 Members Report Share Posted June 8, 2021 Yesterday, I gave Annemarie's grandfather a video call to show him the baby. He has dementia. Because he gets very anxious and confused when he's told that someone in his family is dead (mostly people who have been dead for decades), it was decided that no one would tell him about Annemarie's death. It made sense to me. His mind isn't going to recover and gain clarity, there's no point on telling him something that will both crush him and he'll later forget. I didn't have a plan. I didn't know what I was to say if he asked about her, but he didn't. He was just happy to see a baby and somewhat registered that he's a member of his family. Before hanging up, his niece told me that she wanted to tell me something but she wasn't sure if I wanted to hear it. I assumed it was going to be about my mother in law, so I said to go ahead, the more information I have the better. Instead she told me that the morning after my wife's funeral, they were chatting about nothing and he just stated: "Marie came for a visit. She asked me to go with her, but I said no. I did tell her 'Mimi you should wear more blue dresses like that, you look so pretty'". Annemarie was buried in a baby blue dress. We didn't know if we were having a boy or a girl. She said to her family that they would know the baby's sex when we sent them pictures and saw her wearing pink or blue. That was going to be quite the revelation, not only because of the baby but because she never wore bright colors. I can see her closet where I'm sitting, and everything there is dark red, dark purple, dark gray, dark green, and of course, black, on black, on black. I thought she looked perfect in her monochrome outfits, but her family whined about it once in a while. Several of them openly cried because she wore a dress so green it looked black on our wedding day. This lady was right, I don't know if I wanted to hear that or not, but it can't be unheard. Logically, these are just the confused thoughts of a man whose mind is failing him. Maybe someone in the family did tell him that she was dead, told him about the details of her funeral, and we just don't know about it. I don't know why but a part of me really wants to say "that's nothing" and move on. I tried to see if today I could put it out of my mind, but its still *there*. I don't think I like it. I don't think it should be a big deal. I don't know what to do with it. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LMR Posted June 8, 2021 Members Report Share Posted June 8, 2021 It seems that people here don't know what to do with it either. From what you say it seems unlikely that Annemarie's grandfather would have been able to retain that information if someone had told him. I have certainly heard stories like this before, they are much more common than we generally believe. I think all you can do is trust your instinct.His neice obviously thought this might help you. I would have felt I needed to tell you too. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AnnRA Posted June 8, 2021 Members Report Share Posted June 8, 2021 Beau, maybe I am missing something here — apologies if I am? If this had happened to me, I would definitely believe that my loved one was near. That would fill me with love and hope. I believe AnneMarie’s grandfather heard and saw her, from everything you describe. Don’t you? i am unsure why you wouldn’t like that? Or is it that you are afraid to believe it is true? Your story is giving me hope tonight, as my husband has come to me once since he died... I swear he held my hand. I so desperately want him to be with me. In my grieving, I believe now that I have pushed him away without meaning to, as my sorrow has been unbearable. I am now trying to be open to any spiritual connection I can have with him. I so want to know he is there.... 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Gail 8588 Posted June 8, 2021 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted June 8, 2021 Beau, It is a mystery. I'd like to think she visited her grandfather in her blue dress. It sounds like it was a kind and loving encounter. But perhaps it was nothing but rambling comments of a person with a failing mind. My father had dementia and some of the medications the doctors put him on gave him very vivid hallucinations. He would describe visits from various people, living and dead, some historical characters. Very strange what the brain will create when it is not working normally. I wouldn't worry too much about this. If it was Annemarie, it sounds like a pleasant encounter. If it was a by product of medications or misfiring neurons in his brain, he was thinking of her fondly. It was very kind of you to set up the video call with her grandfather. Gail 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Beau Posted June 8, 2021 Author Members Report Share Posted June 8, 2021 6 hours ago, AnnRA said: maybe I am missing something here — apologies if I am? If this had happened to me, I would definitely believe that my loved one was near. I guess its hard for me to picture something like this happening, because it feels unreal, and it also means that if there's a heaven then Annemarie isn't there? I don't want her to be a ghostly apparition in our lives. If there's such thing as a soul, and sometimes I don't know about that, then I want her to be in a better place, in a better world. But none of this is about what we want, uh? 1 hour ago, Gail 8588 said: I wouldn't worry too much about this. If it was Annemarie, it sounds like a pleasant encounter. If it was a by product of medications or misfiring neurons in his brain, he was thinking of her fondly. This is probably the best perspective one can have on this. Whatever it was, it was not a bad thing. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Sparky1 Posted June 8, 2021 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted June 8, 2021 The blue dress clinches it. Annemarie probably visited her grandfather after she passed. I would take it as a good thing and find comfort knowing she's okay. We don't know too much on the afterlife, but I believe that heaven is closer than we think. Probably a parallel dimension and this is why we get those little clues from our loved ones. Just my thoughts. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post foreverhis Posted June 8, 2021 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted June 8, 2021 11 hours ago, Beau said: I guess its hard for me to picture something like this happening, because it feels unreal, and it also means that if there's a heaven then Annemarie isn't there? I don't want her to be a ghostly apparition in our lives. If there's such thing as a soul, and sometimes I don't know about that, then I want her to be in a better place, in a better world. But none of this is about what we want, uh? If I may suggest that it does not mean Annemarie is not in whatever heaven there may be beyond this world. In fact, I'd think the opposite is true. IMO, it's far more likely that she visited him on her way to whatever wondrous place is next for our souls/spirits. I find it interesting and maybe a little eerie that he said she asked him to go with her, but he said no (he's not ready just yet?). She would know that as his mind fails, he might decide the time is right to travel with her beyond the here and now. Regardless, she would want to say goodbye to him and let him know she'll be there when he is ready. I am 100% convinced that John has given me signs. It's not rational; it's not provable; it's not even logical. I don't care because believing is an act of faith, not science (though IMO there is no conflict between science and faith). Of course, this could all just be wishful thinking, but nevertheless, I have faith that there is much we do not understand and that our human minds simply cannot grasp all the mysteries and wonders beyond our comprehension. That faith is sometimes what keeps me going on the hardest days. Only you can decide what your own beliefs and faith are. But if it was me, I would definitely have wanted to hear that story because I would find it comforting. 5 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Beau Posted June 9, 2021 Author Members Report Share Posted June 9, 2021 9 hours ago, foreverhis said: Only you can decide what your own beliefs and faith are. But if it was me, I would definitely have wanted to hear that story because I would find it comforting. Thank you @foreverhis. I don't know what to believe, but maybe I will have to figure it out to howt to feel or to stop thinking about it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Michelene Posted June 9, 2021 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted June 9, 2021 This sounds like a lovely story--not only that Annemarie had crossed over and is all right but also that she was thinking of others. I don't know what your religious beliefs are but nurses and doctors in hospice hear this kind of stuff all the time. Dr. Raymond Moody has written books about it, also Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. Some people (and some conditions) apparently are more receptive to being able to experience this. The Windbridge Institute studies this kind of thing a lot. We put up a lot of resistance to it and have to turn it over and over in our minds and hearts when we encounter it. A few weeks after my husband passed I was returning to work and sitting at the airport both stressed and emotionally wrought and trying to get some work done. I was feeling pretty suicidal and thinking i cannot do this--i cannot keep this up without my husband. I packed up my computer and was walking toward the area to go through security and some scraggly looking man who looked like he was passed out a few seats from me bolted awake and ran after me saying, "Miss! Miss! " I turned around ( i thought maybe he wanted to bum some money for the bus or something) and he said, "Miss, i'm supposed to tell you that you're going to make it." I said, "What? what did you say?" He repeated, "I'm supposed to tell you that you are going to make it." I said, "What?" He got really irritated with me and also it seemed with himself because it seemed like he didn't understand why he was saying these things to me but had to for some reason, "I SAID, I'M SUPPOSED TO TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE IT." I said, ok, thank you. He went back to his seat and passed out. I found the encounter comforting, that someone, somewhere beyond me, maybe my husband, saw my suffering and let me know they saw it--and tried to reassure me. 4 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members june483 Posted June 9, 2021 Members Report Share Posted June 9, 2021 I absolutely love this post - I take great comfort in it - I do believe our loved ones still exist in "the heavens" - I don't think my husband would come around me as a bird or anything like that but I do think he will be there to meet me when it is my time. There are many unexplained "coincidences" and "signs" and I think there is a lot that we don't know or can't prove but time and time again these kinds of stories keep popping up. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 9, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted June 9, 2021 A lot of people take comfort in signs/visitations, and that's how I'd receive this, that it is in a positive light 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Beau Posted June 9, 2021 Author Members Report Share Posted June 9, 2021 4 hours ago, june483 said: I absolutely love this post - I take great comfort in it - I do believe our loved ones still exist in "the heavens" Well, if anything can be said about this is that I'm genuinely glad some of you took comfort in what Annemarie's aunt told me. I feel less antsy and troubled by it, and will likely consciously put it out of my mind for now. Maybe spirituality is too high a concept for me, but I appreciate all the shared pespectives on how this is not necessarily a bad thing. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 10, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted June 10, 2021 20 hours ago, KayC said: A lot of people take comfort in signs/visitations, and that's how I'd receive this, that it is in a positive light I ran across this today, check out the link...Messages from Beyond Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Beau Posted June 10, 2021 Author Members Report Share Posted June 10, 2021 @KayC Thank you for the link and thinking of my weird issues. I'll keep checking the thread to see what people say. I have never believed in ghosts or paranormal things, and I guess I'm just upset at the thought that my wife could be one. It has never seemed like a happy or pleasant way of existing (not-existing?. I get the sense that, by what many of you have said in here, there might be a difference between what I'm thinking of and the visitations or signs AnnRa, Michelene and Foreverhis got from their spouses. But I don't know what the difference is. My spiritual development ended at 14, when I went into confession and very openly told the priest I was only getitng confirmed in the Church because the girl I liked said she would never marry a boy without all his sacraments. The priest told me I should really be doing it because of my devotion to God and my convictions as a Christian. I said okay, but deep down I said "sure, but no, I just really want Annemarie to be my girlfriend". 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post foreverhis Posted June 10, 2021 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted June 10, 2021 Hi Beau. I'm kind of a skeptic by nature, so it's not something I take lightly. I don't think of my husband as a ghost in any way and don't consider the little signs I'm sure my husband sent me to be visitations or even paranormal really. I truly don't think that Annemarie's (possible) visit to her grandfather was her as a ghost, but that it was her spirit/soul moving from here to whatever is beyond. I don't discount the possibility that there are ghosts, but I don't think I've ever seen/experienced one. And I do agree it's not an existence I'd want for anyone. I suppose it's weird and thoroughly an act of faith (not religion) that I believe my husband has sent me little signs now and then. Maybe it's just my own wish fulfillment, but it's comforting to me. My heart seems to need the reassurance that John's spirit still exists and that he will be there for me when it's my time. I don't think of him as a ghost here on earth, but rather that his spirit can sometimes reach through the barriers (or whatever way we think of it) between this physical world and wherever it is that our souls might go when we die. John and I were raised traditional Episcopalian and Methodist-Episcopal, respectively, but made the mutual decision to leave organized religion as adults because it was too limiting for us (I stress, that's us and not a statement against religion). We settled on a more universal faith not based on any specific religion and that is what worked for us. When I talk about acts of faith, I mean that in the broadest sense. 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ranger72 Posted June 10, 2021 Members Report Share Posted June 10, 2021 On 6/8/2021 at 12:43 AM, Beau said: Yesterday, I gave Annemarie's grandfather a video call to show him the baby. He has dementia. Because he gets very anxious and confused when he's told that someone in his family is dead (mostly people who have been dead for decades), it was decided that no one would tell him about Annemarie's death. It made sense to me. His mind isn't going to recover and gain clarity, there's no point on telling him something that will both crush him and he'll later forget. I didn't have a plan. I didn't know what I was to say if he asked about her, but he didn't. He was just happy to see a baby and somewhat registered that he's a member of his family. Before hanging up, his niece told me that she wanted to tell me something but she wasn't sure if I wanted to hear it. I assumed it was going to be about my mother in law, so I said to go ahead, the more information I have the better. Instead she told me that the morning after my wife's funeral, they were chatting about nothing and he just stated: "Marie came for a visit. She asked me to go with her, but I said no. I did tell her 'Mimi you should wear more blue dresses like that, you look so pretty'". Annemarie was buried in a baby blue dress. We didn't know if we were having a boy or a girl. She said to her family that they would know the baby's sex when we sent them pictures and saw her wearing pink or blue. That was going to be quite the revelation, not only because of the baby but because she never wore bright colors. I can see her closet where I'm sitting, and everything there is dark red, dark purple, dark gray, dark green, and of course, black, on black, on black. I thought she looked perfect in her monochrome outfits, but her family whined about it once in a while. Several of them openly cried because she wore a dress so green it looked black on our wedding day. This lady was right, I don't know if I wanted to hear that or not, but it can't be unheard. Logically, these are just the confused thoughts of a man whose mind is failing him. Maybe someone in the family did tell him that she was dead, told him about the details of her funeral, and we just don't know about it. I don't know why but a part of me really wants to say "that's nothing" and move on. I tried to see if today I could put it out of my mind, but its still *there*. I don't think I like it. I don't think it should be a big deal. I don't know what to do with it. My husband passed away on May 13th of a dissected aorta, out of the blue, never sick, 48...just gone. I found out after the funeral that his grandmother who raised him and is 100 years old and still living, was walking across the living room in her daughter's home in Texas (we live in Minnesota) the day before my husband passed. Her daughter asked her where she was going and she said, "Andrew is in the kitchen and he is calling me." Her daughter said, "mom....Andrew is in Minnesota, he isn't in the kitchen." and Grandmother said, "I heard him call me and I have to go see him." I think when we get very old, the vail between our world and the next is very thin. I truly believe his grandmother had a premonition - or whatever you want to call it. I had asked the family not to tell her that he passed away. She will see him soon, we don't need to upset her in the little bit of life she has left. I personally am comforted by the fact that his grandmother, who he loved dearly, had such a connection to him that she heard is voice before he died. I hope that you are able to find comfort in the love your wife had for her grandfather and just leave it at that. Life is full of crazy unknowns...we should find comfort in the love because the grief is unbearable. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Beau Posted June 11, 2021 Author Members Report Share Posted June 11, 2021 @foreverhis thank you for taking the time to explain this. I guess I can live with the idea that it was a brief encounter and not a thing that will keep happening. I don't know about heaven for myself or for "people" in general, but I do want it for her. She believed and led a life that would bring her closer to God. And for her, I want it to be true. @ranger72 I'm honestly glad that's a source of comfort to you. I'm sure my wife's aunt wanted me to take it the same way. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members foreverhis Posted June 11, 2021 Members Report Share Posted June 11, 2021 14 minutes ago, Beau said: She believed and led a life that would bring her closer to God. And for her, I want it to be true. That is such a lovely and loving sentiment. It makes perfect sense to me. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 11, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted June 11, 2021 I do not thiink of this in terms of paranormal or ghosts either. We are spirits and when our physical body dies I believe our spirits continue on. If I didn't have that to hold onto...IDK. As humans we need hope. My heart goes out to those who do not have that. I could tell you some of the things that have been "signs" to me but you might think it coincidence...I don't view it as such. I am a person that believes in statistics rather than coincidence. And when the odds are stacked against it and there's no explanation, it tells me something. Pansy was our flower our whole relationship (George called it the smiling flower), we had some on our patio, which being on a hill, is on 8' stilts. I live in the mountains, snow country. Pansies do not survive the winter here. I buy new ones come summer. Yet one year after he died (to the day), I found a pansy on the ground, by the corner of the patio. It could not have survived the winter, I've been here 44 years, never seen this happen before or since, I think George sent it to me to know he was thinking of me on his anniversary of death. Another time, I had just bought a car, the next day the lights came on, I took it to the local shop and was walking the two miles to my church office where I worked. I saw a pansy growing in the pavement! Again, I felt George sent it to me to let me know it was going to be okay. Another time, I had called soc. sec. to find out how much my benefit would be as I needed to file, I was out of $ following loss of job four years earlier (recession, I also experienced age discrimination for the first time in my life I could not get a job)...the lady on the phone told me coldly I'd get $250/month! I was saddled with thousands of dollars of debt against my home when George died, I'd previously had it paid off (I'm still paying on it) and I could not live on that! I asked her to double check as my anxiety went through the roof, she refused, told me to call my "local office." I had held for her for an hour and was panicked, yet she wouldn't double check! I called the local office, they'd just closed, it was a three day weekend. That night I was laying on my bed, all of a sudden I felt George's hand on my shoulder/back. I'd know his touch anywhere! I instantly felt a calm peace come over me and I was able to wait the three days until someone could talk to me from there. I got a nice caring man who not only told me the correct amount but filed on my behalf and set up Medicare to come out automatically. I figure the first lady wanted off the phone to start her weekend and just talked off the top of her head, erroneously. George calmed me. No one will ever talk me out of this nor can offer an explanation. I've come to accept there is much we do not know about beyond, but that does not mean it does not exist. 21 hours ago, ranger72 said: we should find comfort in the love because the grief is unbearable. Yes! 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post foreverhis Posted June 11, 2021 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted June 11, 2021 1 hour ago, KayC said: That night I was laying on my bed, all of a sudden I felt George's hand on my shoulder/back. I'd know his touch anywhere! I instantly felt a calm peace come over me and I was able to wait the three days until someone could talk to me from there. I had something similar happen last year. I may have mentioned it before. It had been ages since I thought, "Thanks, honey." for something that I felt was a sign. It had also been nearly 2 years since he died and since I had been able to just "go to bed" at night. Month after month, I started on the sofa with sound in the background and then would stagger up to bed after a few hours when I was so tired I could sleep for a few more hours. One night, I decided to try again. I went up, got into my (his) nightshirt, gave myself a little pep talk, and then got into bed thinking, "Please, please, please let me just go to sleep." But my busy brain wouldn't shut up and I started tossing and turning as usual. I suddenly felt the weight of an arm across the small of my back, lightly pressing down, just like John would do if I was having a restless night or if we were rolling in to spoon together (oh man I guess that shows my age!). I was so stunned that I calmed a bit and started asking, "Is that you?" That weight was still there even after I shifted and after I moved the comforter. I drifted off asking myself if what I felt was real. And I slept for 7-8 straight, practically for the first time in well over 2 years. These days, I can go up to bed sometimes, but more often than not I still start on the sofa. So it's an improvement, but far from what used to be normal. I have no empirical proof, of course, and don't much care about that. In my heart and mind, my love managed to reach through in that moment to help me. I did not feel his "body" or "presence" like a ghost, but more like the essence of his love. 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 12, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted June 12, 2021 18 hours ago, foreverhis said: In my heart and mind, my love managed to reach through in that moment to help me. That is beautiful. I've heard it takes great effort for them to get through to us, IDK anything about that, I have not studied it. But I know what I experienced and that's enough for me! Maybe it's easier for the simple minded like me than people who doubt and question everything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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