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Has grief made anyone almost negligent re: self-care?


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SDC
I had to lose a filling to realize I've completely ignored my oral health & diminished oral hygiene since my spouse died. (To be honest I avoided regular dentist visits prior to his death; but this is a new level of negligence.)  I've continued to brush my teeth, of course, but regular flossing fell off--as did caring enough to pay attention to what was happening in my own mouth. Even after losing a filling it took me 4 weeks to make an appt (going today). Bananas! 
 
I can't discern if the avoidance/negligence is is an extension how much my level of giving a damn diminished since he died or a result of grief induced anxiety I still haven't shaken (any new unwanted issue feels like a gun to my head versus a problem with a solution---not how I was before his accident/death).
 
Anyone else avoiding/putting off self-care? 
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DragonSpooker

I was always bad about self-care even before my partner died. But now it’s taken on a new nuance like I guess subconsciously I’m hoping if I don’t take care of myself I won’t be here anymore and won’t have to feel the pain. But it’s stupid short of killing yourself you’ll still be here you’re just making problems for yourself. I don’t know I still do it but I realize it’s stupid.

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KayC

Oh yes on this one!  I was diagnosed diabetic and didn't care what I ate, it took me high readings every day for seven months on maximum doses Rxs to buckle down and do something about it...it was out of control over 11 years before I took measures.  Now I'm off my diabetic Rxs, statins, and my numbers are normal for my blood tests, first time ever!  My triglycerides were 276 and four months into my diet regime (for life) it was down to 93!  

I think I was depressed and just didn't care...I ate for emotional fulfillment but nothing satisfied.  Taking control of my life 01/01/20 was the best thing I could do, especially since the whole world seemed to be beyond my control...politics/elections, Covid, people going nuts, at least my diet/exercise was one thing I could manage!  I lost 75 lbs, got down to 105 (I'm 5') and am maintaining.

26 minutes ago, DragonSpooker said:

But now it’s taken on a new nuance like I guess subconsciously I’m hoping if I don’t take care of myself I won’t be here anymore and won’t have to feel the pain. But it’s stupid short of killing yourself you’ll still be here you’re just making problems for yourself.

Exactly!  I don't want to end up like a vegetable for 13 years like my grandma did (stroke).

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SDC
47 minutes ago, DragonSpooker said:

I was always bad about self-care even before my partner died. But now it’s taken on a new nuance like I guess subconsciously I’m hoping if I don’t take care of myself I won’t be here anymore and won’t have to feel the pain. But it’s stupid short of killing yourself you’ll still be here you’re just making problems for yourself. I don’t know I still do it but I realize it’s stupid.

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I think you hit on some truth here--a "I don't really care if I live or die now" mindset that leads to not taking care of our grieving selves in some way or maybe many ways. But like you said, it only create more problems that we eventually will have to face. I dread going to my dental appt later (I hate the dentist and pay out of pocket), but I realize that I feel better that I'm taking action to address the issues instead of continuing to pretend they don't exist.  Lesson for myself: you always feet better when you stop putting off a necessary task. Grief just makes everything harder---including self-care and maintenance. I hope you can motivate yourself to tend to something about you that you've been putting off. Hugs from a fellow grief traveler. 

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18 minutes ago, KayC said:

Oh yes on this one!  I was diagnosed diabetic and didn't care what I ate, it took me high readings every day for seven months on maximum doses Rxs to buckle down and do something about it...it was out of control over 11 years before I took measures.  Now I'm off my diabetic Rxs, statins, and my numbers are normal for my blood tests, first time ever!  My triglycerides were 276 and four months into my diet regime (for life) it was down to 93!  

I think I was depressed and just didn't care...I ate for emotional fulfillment but nothing satisfied.  Taking control of my life 01/01/20 was the best thing I could do, especially since the whole world seemed to be beyond my control...politics/elections, Covid, people going nuts, at least my diet/exercise was one thing I could manage!  I lost 75 lbs, got down to 105 (I'm 5') and am maintaining.

Wow Kay! Huge accomplishments---weight loss and getting your diabetes under control. You must be proud. I realize I'm depressed---although I feel like I'm starting to climb up out of a well--and that's part of why I paid zero attention to my teeth.  I'm stating what's obvious to all of us--- it's hard to give a crap about much when grieving and exhausted. So much felt trivial to me after his accident--a kind of "Well, now I really know that you can suddenly fall, never wake up, and die. Who gives a **** about this/that/anything?" Thanks for taking the time to respond and for sharing your positive story of taking charge! 

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AnnRA

Hi All - Yes, I am at 7 months now and have been beating myself up about my self-care.  I used to be good about it.  Somehow it sends triggers about how starkly alone I am!  I do take my meds and also desperately need to be around other people.  But those “alone” parts of my life are painful.  Yes I am also very depressed and exhausted. 

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Perro J

The word almost softens it. I am not almost negligent. I am negligent about taking care of myself now. Daring God to pick me off.

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SDC
21 minutes ago, AnnRA said:

Hi All - Yes, I am at 7 months now and have been beating myself up about my self-care.  I used to be good about it.  Somehow it sends triggers about how starkly alone I am!  I do take my meds and also desperately need to be around other people.  But those “alone” parts of my life are painful.  Yes I am also very depressed and exhausted. 

Hi Ann. Thanks for taking the time to reply. I'm sorry you find yourself at this forum. I lost my spouse suddenly too (14 months ago @ the end of June) and although all spousal death is brutal for whose left behind, I think a sudden death adds another layer of trauma. It is SO heavy to get--really get---how quickly someone can be gone. Poof! They are no more. I'm still figuring out how to carry that heaviness the rest of my days. I hope you can muster the energy and self-love to care for yourself a bit. I'm relieved I finally got my butt to the dentist, but of course, it was his dentist too so . . . I had to tell people there about his death. But even after that I felt good (for lack of a better word) that I didn't let the issues linger and create more problems. I'll take whatever moments of relief or distorted good feelings I can get. Hugs from this internet stranger who understands your pain. 

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27 minutes ago, Perro J said:

The word almost softens it. I am not almost negligent. I am negligent about taking care of myself now. Daring God to pick me off.

Thanks for replying PerroJ. I can relate. It's hard to care about doing things that might extend our lives. Sigh. It is just so so hard and lonely. Take good care. 

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Gail 8588

Apparently this is pretty common, though I don't remember another thread discussing it.

Yes, I was appallingly negligent at self care during my 3 zombie years.  Didn't go to the dentist for over 3 years.  Didn't have routine medical exams.  Definitely felt it didn't matter because I didn't care if I lived or died. Death would have been welcomed. 

Finally, I had a molar crumble to pieces and had to go to the dentist to deal with it (got a crown).  I set up a doctor's appointment in my new home town and my A1C was 7.6, (it had never been above 6.1 before) so I am on diabetic meds for the first time in my life. 

I am back on track now with regular doctor and dentist visits. I have caught up on all my checkups.   But most certainly, I let my self care go pretty much entirely during those first 3 zombie years.  I feel fortunate that I didn't suffer worse problems because of it. 

It was after those first three zombie years that I finally asked a doctor for some help sleeping, as I was only getting 3 or 4 hours sleep a night.  Fixing my sleep deprivation really helped me care about resuming regular medical care. 

Since I moved twice in the year after my husband's death,  it was  easy for me to avoid doctors and such, as I had moved away from my former doctors and just never set up a relationship with a new one in my new town. 

I am glad I have moved past that suicide through apathy phase, and that I survived it. 

Gail

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49 minutes ago, Gail 8588 said:

Apparently this is pretty common, though I don't remember another thread discussing it.

Yes, I was appallingly negligent at self care during my 3 zombie years.  Didn't go to the dentist for over 3 years.  Didn't have routine medical exams.  Definitely felt it didn't matter because I didn't care if I lived or died. Death would have been welcomed. 

Finally, I had a molar crumble to pieces and had to go to the dentist to deal with it (got a crown).  I set up a doctor's appointment in my new home town and my A1C was 7.6, (it had never been above 6.1 before) so I am on diabetic meds for the first time in my life. 

I am back on track now with regular doctor and dentist visits. I have caught up on all my checkups.   But most certainly, I let my self care go pretty much entirely during those first 3 zombie years.  I feel fortunate that I didn't suffer worse problems because of it. 

It was after those first three zombie years that I finally asked a doctor for some help sleeping, as I was only getting 3 or 4 hours sleep a night.  Fixing my sleep deprivation really helped me care about resuming regular medical care. 

Since I moved twice in the year after my husband's death,  it was  easy for me to avoid doctors and such, as I had moved away from my former doctors and just never set up a relationship with a new one in my new town. 

I am glad I have moved past that suicide through apathy phase, and that I survived it. 

Gail

Thanks for sharing Gail. I'm glad you're past the suicide through apathy phase and that you survived it too. Grief has more tentacles than I imagined. 

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foreverhis

Yes, absolutely.  While my husband was fighting his cancer, my own health didn't matter much to me.  I put off age-appropriate testing like my baseline DEXA scan because osteoporosis runs in my family and all kinds of other tests like my yearly mammogram, x-rays and MRIs for my joints, etc.  I had my regular PCP checkups because I pretty much had to do those.  I did get my blood work done early on in his fight when things were manageable.

As for grooming and such, I did manage to take showers most days.  I decided that if I was clean that was good enough.  About 2 weeks before he died, I was sitting with him at the hospital as I did every day.  He had tried to do his PT, but was just in so much pain and so tired.  At one point, he looked at me with kind of a forlorn expression, reached up and stroked my clean, but straggly hair (I hadn't had a haircut for 8-9 months), and smiled sadly when he said, "You need a haircut."  It was like he knew why I hadn't had one and he somehow blamed himself.  I said, "I know, but it's not important."  Then I left the room for a few minutes to go cry again.

I gained nearly 30 lb over the 15 months he was fighting and another 15 in the first 8 months or so after he died.  My PCP ordered blood work, which showed my cortisol levels were 5 times normal and bunch of other things were messed up, including my cholesterol, which is usually normal with high numbers on the "good" cholesterol and low triglycerides.  I didn't care about any of that.

Strangely enough, the one thing I was vigilant about was dental care.  John was a nut about that and had excellent dental hygiene.  I even made sure that his CNAs, especially his favorite, knew it was important to him so they could help him with the special kits they have to keep patients' mouths healthy.  When I had my first cleaning a few months after he died, our hygenist (who was a childhood friend of mine) mentioned that my teeth and gums looked good.  She said that very often they see patients who have lost their spouses who don't come in for a couple of years or who do come in, but have clearly not taken care of their teeth as they usually do.  I told her that I knew John would be angry if I didn't brush, floss, and use my rinse.  She smiled sadly and with tears in her eyes said something like, "He really did take such good care of his teeth."

I think it's to be expected that we won't care much about ourselves for at least the first year or longer.  Why would we, when so often we just don't care about whether we live or die?  It's not a matter of actively being suicidal, at least for me, but it's more like it simply doesn't matter, especially when it's all we can do to just get out of bed, get dressed, and keep breathing.

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june483

Yes - lost weight - then gained double what I lost - now after 16 months hovering back to my norm -  (why am I still paying for my gym membership??) determined to get back on my bike and the gym after 3 years - but the thing that surprises me the most is everyone stops going to the Dentist!!  I thought it was just me.....  - Depressed people and lack of dental care - who knew!

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Sparky1
51 minutes ago, june483 said:

everyone stops going to the Dentist!! 

That's one thing I also neglected. Usually I go to the dentist for a cleaning every 5 to 6 months, but after my wife passed away, I cancelled my scheduled appointment. I didn't care, to me I was so distraught nothing was important any more. Finally I went in 8 months after my last appointment.

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Diane R. E.

Oh my gosh yes - going to the dentist was the last thing I have put off doing! I finally got myself in last week only to find out that now I need root planing because my gum disease has progressed to that point. I find it curious and a little comforting that I'm not the only way who put their oral health on the back burner.

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KayC
On 6/7/2021 at 6:31 PM, Gail 8588 said:

my A1C was 7.6, (it had never been above 6.1 before) so I am on diabetic meds for the first time in my life. 

I can help you control it and get off the meds if you want.  I am moderator on a diabetic group (on FB) and can send you an invite if you message me a link to your profile, I can send you the same on myself.  It's up to you.  What I have learned is the medicine is not a cure-all...I went on Metformin, 500 mg at first, then 1,000, 1,500, 2000, then they added Glimeperide...it becomes less and less effective in time so you need more and eventually insulin...my fasting BS was in the 200s for seven months straight, that's when I knew I needed to do something and knew just the person to help me (someone from my other grief group who is the administrator of the Diabetic Group).  His wife died of diabetic complications and he's made it his life cause to learn about it and help as many people as he could.  They'd followed the doctor's instructions to a T and still lost her.  I love this video as it was a real eye-opener to me.  I'm off the meds now and my BS was 97 this morning.  I was able to get off the statins also and reverse the neuropathy and other issues.  It can be done.

Reversing Type 2 diabetes starts with ignoring the guidelines | Sarah Hallberg | TEDxPurdueU - YouTube
 

On 6/8/2021 at 12:28 AM, foreverhis said:

which showed my cortisol levels were 5 times normal and bunch of other things were messed up, including my cholesterol, which is usually normal with high numbers on the "good" cholesterol and low triglycerides.  I didn't care about any of that.

I just watched a video about that this morning, how it causes Cushings...Cushing Syndrome Disease - Causes & Treatment - HubPages

 

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Sparky1
10 minutes ago, KayC said:

I just watched a video about that this morning, how it causes Cushings...

This is what my wife had. It took us a long time to figure out what was going on and by then it was too late. She had a rare cancer on her adrenal gland which of course causes Cushing's syndrome and she had so many side effects. The overproduction of cortisol is brutal and causes so many problems. High BP, low potassium, bruising, acne, aches of all kinds, weight gain, the whole list. The cancer had spread so much, there wasn't much they could do. I am just upset that she wasn't monitored better by the family doctor and her neurologist. She went through a lot.

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KayC

Sparky, I am so sorry.  :(  The medical community leaves much to be desired.  I've learned, learned, learned, the last 1 1/2 years and it's very disconcerting what we're up against.

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Sparky1
22 minutes ago, KayC said:

Sparky, I am so sorry.  :(  The medical community leaves much to be desired.  I've learned, learned, learned, the last 1 1/2 years and it's very disconcerting what we're up against.

Thank you Kay. The medical community usually only tries to put a band aid on the problem. Instead they should be looking at the cause of the problem. My wife was taking tons of potassium pills, high BP medications, and yet the problems persisted. Then she was prescribed even more pills, her legs were swollen and oozing liquid eventually. 

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KayC
29 minutes ago, Sparky1 said:

Instead they should be looking at the cause of the problem.

Absolutely!  I am so sorry. 

My BIL died of stomach cancer in September...it was caused by Nexium, a Rx they had him on for years.  The USDA knew of this for years and yet did nothing about it.  It should have been taken off the market and instead they should have addressed what caused his heartburn.

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SDC
11 hours ago, june483 said:

Yes - lost weight - then gained double what I lost - now after 16 months hovering back to my norm -  (why am I still paying for my gym membership??) determined to get back on my bike and the gym after 3 years - but the thing that surprises me the most is everyone stops going to the Dentist!!  I thought it was just me.....  - Depressed people and lack of dental care - who knew!

Who knew is right! Brushing (probably half-assing it too) was the extent of my dental care. I even stopped flossing for probably 9 months+. Gross! I lost weight too. I'm one of those people who loses their appetite when sad or stressed, but my appetite is back to normal now. Thanks for sharing your experiences with me. Hugs from an internet stranger. 

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foreverhis

Thanks, Kay.  I will watch it.  Last time I had a check, my cortisol was down to three times normal, so it's on the right track.  I'm due for full blood work next week.  We'll see how things are settling.  I'm concerned that my cholesterol will still be high, though I'm pretty sure that the triglycerides will be low and my good will be high now that I'm consistent with my PT and yoga, but the bad and overall may be too high because I'm still a bit heavy on cheeses and such. 

My doctor is having me try a modified carbohydrate diet.  He says that keto and similar low-carb diets are not appropriate for my health conditions, but has set me on a daily range of 100 to 140 grams, which is about half of the average American diet.  I'm not finding that difficult to do because I'm big on veggies and lean meats, with smaller carb portions, anyway.  It's a matter to choosing one thing, like if I have my high-protein pasta with dinner, I will skip having bread on the side.

I have lost 17 lb over the past 18 months.  It's slow progress, but at least the scale is moving in the right direction now.  I have been plateaued for 2 months, but am not going to give up!  I know it's partly because I often don't pay enough attention.  Now that it's summer, there are many great fruit options at the farmers market to satisfy my sweet tooth.

It's hard to really care all the time, even now that I'm approaching 3 years.  But at least I care more than I did during the first 18 months.

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Gail 8588

DMB,

Well it probably says something about my mental health that my first reaction was that there is nothing wrong with eating a hot dog for breakfast.  I always give myself a gold star for eating up leftovers at anytime of the day. (That's an imaginary gold star by the way.)

The anxiety of knowing there are going to be more heath challenges in the future really resonates with me.  That was one of my many crippling fears that gripped me after John died. 

Logically, I can't dispute the truth of it.  But here is where my mantra of "one day at a time" comes in.  I can only deal with what is real today.  Not what may befall me tomorrow.  There are too many terrifying possibilities of calamities that may come.  For awhile, I was paralyzed by fear of them all.  Now I just push those fears to the side and tell myself that if that happens, I will deal with it then.  Right now I will just deal with what the situation is today. 

It actually works for me.  I still know those possibilities are out there, but I don't spend time worrying about them. 

Hang in there.

Gail

 

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SDC
3 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

DMB,

Well it probably says something about my mental health that my first reaction was that there is nothing wrong with eating a hot dog for breakfast.  I always give myself a gold star for eating up leftovers at anytime of the day. (That's an imaginary gold star by the way.)

The anxiety of knowing there are going to be more heath challenges in the future really resonates with me.  That was one of my many crippling fears that gripped me after John died. 

Logically, I can't dispute the truth of it.  But here is where my mantra of "one day at a time" comes in.  I can only deal with what is real today.  Not what may befall me tomorrow.  There are too many terrifying possibilities of calamities that may come.  For awhile, I was paralyzed by fear of them all.  Now I just push those fears to the side and tell myself that if that happens, I will deal with it then.  Right now I will just deal with what the situation is today. 

It actually works for me.  I still know those possibilities are out there, but I don't spend time worrying about them. 

Hang in there.

Gail

 

Gail: I appreciate you sharing these lines: " I can only deal with what is real today.  Not what may befall me tomorrow."  So thank you. I'm struggling with anxiety as a result of my grief (I wasn't anxious before) and have to exert a ton of mental energy to not react to every new unwanted thing & stop my mind from spiraling in unproductive ways. 

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Gail 8588

DMB, 

I wasn't anxious before my husband died either. I was blissfully confident that no matter what came, "we" would get through it fine, together. We always did, up until the day he died.  

After he died, I was unable to see any way for me to exist in this world without him. And I had no confidence in my ability to find a way forward.  All the news terrified me.  Widows were being swindled out of their savings, so many people my age were having health problems, but thank God their spouse was there to care for them. Hazards are everywhere. If I fall off a ladder, when would anyone even know I was hurt. Hurricanes, car accidents, criminals, illnesses,  and a thousand other fears, they were all lined up to get me. It was paralyzing and exhausting, for 3 years.

I had to let it go. I couldn't live like that any more. 

And really, 3 years had gone by and no one had swindled me, or robbed me. Hurricanes had come and gone and none had crushed me. I am still relatively able bodied. I hadn't fallen off a ladder, had a car accident or any of the other infinite number of things that might befall me. 

I was exhausted from worrying about it all. I hadn't been able to sleep well in the 3 years I had been alone.  I finally asked a doctor for help sleeping and he put me on an antianxiety medication to take at bed time. That has really helped me.  Just getting over my sleep deprivation helped a lot. That is also when I really took to heart that I would only deal with/worry about stuff that was actually impacting my life today. Not all the things that might happen to me someday.

Anyway, it all started to come together and I got better. I feel better. 

I know that the whole parade of horrible possibilities are still out there, and one might do battle with me any day. But if one comes, I will deal with that one when I am faced with it.  Until then, I am going to get my sleep and live as happy and healthy life as I can muster.  I'll have a better chance beating that one monster when it gets here, than fighting an infinite number that might come.  

Gail

 

 

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KayC
18 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

there is nothing wrong with eating a hot dog for breakfast

Yeah, who made the "rules" anyway!  Protein!  And if you like them, why not!  I sometimes have breakfast for dinner!  No one here to tell me not to.  One good thing about getting this age!

15 hours ago, SDC said:

I'm struggling with anxiety as a result of my grief

I have GAD, but grief made this exponentially worse!  I ended up going on Buspirone (Buspar) and eventually taking low dose Trazodone at bedtime so I could sleep.  I waited for years first, toughing it out, which I've discovered, only made it harder on myself.  I need sleep. ;)

Anxiety and Grief After Losing a Loved One
Anxiety Attacks in Grief: Tools for Coping

 

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foreverhis
On 6/11/2021 at 6:16 AM, DMB said:

I just ate a hot dog for breakfast! 

Well, what's wrong with that???  I rarely eat a "traditional" American breakfast.  I was an exchange student in Norway and grew to love the way of eating there.  Then when John and I took my mom over for 5 weeks 20-ish years ago, he became addicted to Scandinavian breakfasts, which can easily include pølse (usually a long, skinny hot-dog style smoked sausage) with potatoes or wrapped in lefse (potato "tortilla" pancake).  Yes, there is a national obsession with potatoes--yum.

Here was my breakfast yesterday:  A small scoop of leftover mashed potatoes heated with some chopped lean ham and 1/2 oz cheese.  Then topped with a small chopped tomato, some chopped cabbage-veggie slaw, and onion vinaigrette.  I had a side of fresh cherries with a dollop of probiotic yogurt.  That is a typical breakfast for me.  I lean heavily on the proteins and veggies.

I think we should eat what we like when we can.  It's hard enough figuring out how to cook for just me without putting any pressure on myself to meet someone else's ideal of meal time!

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Yes!! You are totally not alone in this! I lost my fiancé a fortnight ago, and since then I've only washed my hair a couple of times (normally I'd do it every other day). I just don't care. I also can't be bothered to cook or eat anything. In my experience, every time a person dies a household appliance breaks down as well, and this time it was the freezer. Everything went off and had to be thrown away, and I can't even be bothered to buy any more food. Today I had to have porridge made with water which was ghastly. I have to keep reminding myself of when my friend was so overcome by grief for her father that she stopped eating altogether and one of her front teeth fell out. I mustn't end up like that, it was dreadful. 

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Diane R. E.

Hello Xiisoleh; I am so very sorry for your loss. Welcome to this forum; you have found a safe space to express your grief. Losing my husband is the hardest thing I have ever experienced; neglecting one's self care is often a result of the painful, raw emotions we go through. It may be hard for you to realize now, but you WILL survive this, so please make your self care a priority. Sleep when you can, drink enough fluids, eat something healthy every day, and try to maintain your regular doctor and dentist visits. Yes, in early grief one often does not care about themselves (we all get it), but it will pay off. Please take care - you are worth it.

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3 minutes ago, Diane R. E. said:

Hello Xiisoleh; I am so very sorry for your loss. Welcome to this forum; you have found a safe space to express your grief. Losing my husband is the hardest thing I have ever experienced; neglecting one's self care is often a result of the painful, raw emotions we go through. It may be hard for you to realize now, but you WILL survive this, so please make your self care a priority. Sleep when you can, drink enough fluids, eat something healthy every day, and try to maintain your regular doctor and dentist visits. Yes, in early grief one often does not care about themselves (we all get it), but it will pay off. Please take care - you are worth it.

Thank you Diane. I am glad I joined this forum - although of course I'd rather none of us were here - because you can speak your mind about bereavement, instead of pussyfooting around negative feelings so as to spare the sensitivities of people who've never lost anyone and don't get how dreadful it is! 

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When I lost George, I did not care to eat and lost 16 lbs...then I ate whatever, stuffing my emotions and gained a lot, getting diabetes along the way.  For 11 years it was out of control before I took control over my life/physical health.  It's been 1 1/2 year journey of learning and change and am finally doing it...but stress is taking it's toll.  If only we could pick and choose whether we get stress or not!  It's the hardest thing in the world and wreaking havoc on my BP and even my blood sugar.  Hard because external factors play a huge role in this (siblings placing everything on ME for the care of my disabled and neglectful sister.  Her years of procrastination and neglect are making an emergency on my part and I do not like it...I've been working on her behalf for 13 days now and it seems like a lifetime already.

Gail, you are so right, it does help to get it out, to express it, to vent.  People, do not worry if it sounds negative!  It's okay and there's no right/wrong to how you're feeling, you have just cause to ALL of your feelings!  Feelings are neither bad nor good, they just "are."  And we have to contend with them...when life/death is thrust upon us unwillingly as it is.

It's okay to vent here, we all get it!

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