Lost my father due to a sudden heart attack

[DEBANJANA]

I dread the day, I lost my father to heart attack. I am just 22 years old. On 21st May, I heard my mother screaming outside the washroom and when I reached there, I saw that my father is lying in the bathroom floor lifeless. I still cannot remove that memory, that scene from my brain. I have to join my first job today, 14 days after his death. He was so excited for my first job. He wanted me to succeed. I havent cried enough but I have a horrible feeling in my chest. Is there anyone who can help me out?

[Tamtam]

Dear DEBANJANA,

I am really sorry for your loss. I lost my father to a stroke on Jan 2nd this year. I was not living with my father so I myself did not find him but my mother did on the sofa in their house. My mother thought he was just taking a nap. I got a call from my mother and heard paramedics arriving in the background. In15 minutes or so, my mother called me that he passed.      It must have been very traumatizing to see you father lifeless. The memories of remembering the calls I got from my mother haunt me still and every time I get a call in the morning, I get scared so I really cannot imagine what your mother and you went though. I am really sorry. Specially you are young and must have had a lot you hoped to share with your father and your father must have wanted to see you succeed and grow. Even though I am 40, I still had and have a lot I wanted to share with my father. It has been 5 month or so; nonetheless, I still don't know what can help me get myself together. But I know that my father wanted me to lead a happy life and I still have my mother. And that is something that keeps me going. It has been only 14 days and you are staring a new job.. You must be feeling indescribable pain and a profound sense of loss. I am really sorry for your loss. 

[missingmom21]

@DEBANJANA I am a bit older than you, but about 3 weeks ago, we lost my mother to a sudden and unexpected heart attack. I woke to my dad screaming for me to help, and we did chest compression while waiting for an ambulance. I do not think she ever came back, though she was not pronounced dead until they arrived at a hospital. It is an intolerable image to have burned in your brain, your beloved and proud parent lifeless on the floor. I am so sorry that happened to you, too. I can relate to that heavy feeling in your chest, the anxiety of going into everyday life with this cruel absence, and even the anxiety of being away from your other parent after that shared trauma. I hope your first day at work went well, and please know that even if it didn't go well, your father is still proud of you. It doesn't feel good at all, but even getting up and feeling that pain in your chest is a step forward. It's okay not to look too far beyond what's immediately in front of you. Just take one decision, one moment at a time. That's what I'm doing. It doesn't take away the pain, but it keeps me from giving up entirely, which I tend to count as a win right now.  

[Anna28]

I have that same feeling. My dad just had a heart attack too and right now we are waiting for the answer on whether or not he is brain dead. We find out tomorrow. I don’t want my daddy to go. I keep crying and saying that hoping it will make him stay. Every time I think of my daddy being gone I get a deep feeling in my chest as if my heart is sinking and tearing apart. I’m just not ready to see my daddy go. I just want to hug him tight.