Please Give Yourself Time To Heal

[amcp]

For some “time heals all wounds” others it may not.

You take as long as you need to heal, for me I feel it is going to take me a lifetime.
So I understand healing takes time, advice Please give yourself time to heal. Do what is best for you.

Trust me whole heartedly I understand loss. I personally have experienced the loss of my Fur Son (Bogie)’s  (Dog-Maltese) and I know his spirit is with me always. The loss of Bogie is taking me beyond time to ever heal.

This experience in life has me filled with wonder and loss for words that could ever be spoken and actions could ever do upon.

If I can share my personal advice that has been helping me, know your Loved is always with you heart and soul.

I have found myself continuing life and having his spirit being with me while doing my routines and things in life and living, always including him in everything I do as I always have as if he has never left because I know he with me.
Do not be embarrassed talk out loud to him and do things that you usually do with him. This has built my reassurance his spirit being with me and sometimes he will let he is around by sharing and letting his presence be known. Just have patience.

I did the following with Bogie and has connected me with him and provided a bond for us that gave a positive experience and memory that is our own that we share together. Take a moment and go to a place where you know you and your Fur Child/Pet had a good experience and memory together or if you are unable to, go there find a place where you find ease or a new place you feel your Fur Child/Pet would have enjoyed. Once you reach that happy place connect with your Fur Child/Pet by talking with them ask them to share with you the fondest memory they had with you and him/her. This was a heartfelt and tearful moment for me because I felt in my heart and saw in my mind and heart and felt with my soul him sharing many memories like looking through photographs together of those moments captured and he was telling me “Remember Mom...” and there was one particular memory that stood out and that one will never be forgotten along with the many other memories. This gave me fulfillment that he has good memories kept close and encouraged him to always remember those good times and Mommy will too.

Thank you Bogie I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful Fur Son. You have taught me much about life and how to Love unconditionally.

 

[amcp]

When I opened my heart and soul to connect with Bogie and shared our memories together gave me assurance he remembers the good in life and remembers fond memories.

[KayC]

I know my Arlie's favorite time, I have a portrait of him up on the wall and his picture on his favorite day as my wallpaper.
 

[amcp]

Thank you for sharing Kay.

[Gary55]

Thank you for such a lovely post. You and Bogie have a wonderful relationship. I love how you suggest going to a favourite place and sharing memories. I lost my boy Goldie almost 6 months ago. I don't feel any better if that's the word, I'm still so sad, and think about him every waking moment. I was so lucky to have him in my life, he changed me, and we were always together. His purpose was  to show me unconditional love. I'd never experienced a bond like we had. I still feel guilty over things, possibly I'm imagining I'm guilty when I'm not, but I still feel it. I hate the thought of me maybe letting him down in even one way. I had counselling, it helped to a point. But there's always this thing about when memories come up, things I think I did wrong, then say stop, or block them. Well, I can't I need to live it. Im on a couple fb groups. From what I read, some people take years to come to terms, some never do. Others comment that even after a only month, things are getting easier. How lucky are this group. 

How along is it since Bodie passed? I am like you in some ways. I've had loads of clear colourful dreams visitations, well into double figures. Ive felt him on the bed, and heard him bark. My wife saw him beside the door, so I do know he's around. I talk to him all the time, when I go out I get his lead and shout for him. Ive talked to a couple animal communicators, and I've been told things that they could not know. But I'm still struggling with the loss of the physical. I cry every day. He doesn't want that, I need to think of the good times. I can't wait till I'm back with him when I pass. I will try the memories technique. Thank you for this, I need to let him know that I know he's with me. 

[amcp]

Hello Gary55,

Thank you for your response.
My Dear Fur Son Bogie passed this year on April 6, 2021 he was just nearing the age of 3 on April 10.

I understand the daily struggle, I am at a loss for words and struggle everyday with much disbelief, finding myself in much regret with personal things but always remind myself that I gave him a chance at life that he may not have ever had and knowing he is my Fur Son fills my heart with gratitude that we are always connected.

There is never moment that doesn’t pass that I don’t think of him, I continue living life to the fullest and continue with having his spirit with me and carry on with him being around with everything I do as always.      Do not not worry what other people think about you, I taught myself that. I always I interact with Bogie all the time, talking to him, have him part of everything I do and continue to let him sample my cooking and provide him with table scraps etc...

Always keeping  him close to heart and soul.

The Memory Thing came to me when I felt lost with everything and felt much regret with negativity overcoming me and thought I couldn’t come out of the dark then I told myself I need not do this, this is not a way to live, I am above this and more to life then this. As I had a breakthrough moment, I told myself for Bogie I want him to remember the good ole times in life. So with that in mind I got myself to calm down a bit and with much confidence I began talking to Bogie while cuddled with his blanket on the couch and shaking voice while filled with tears my heart began to swell.
While talking to Bogie I invited him to stay with me and began to reminisce on Fond Memories I shared with him and how I felt on those days and sharing with him what he was like from my prospective and paused between each memory and inquired Do You Remember... and always remembered to thank him for such a wonderful memory. After I shared my positive memories with him I asked him to share his memories that he shared with me that were fond and dear to him. With that came a swelling of my heart and a mind filled with many memories as if he was telling me Remember Mom... After seeing the memories through his eyes I told him I do remember those memories and thanked him for them and told him to always remember those good memories and keep them close. This gave me reassurance that Bogie does and will always remember the good times and so will I. 
I hope doing this with your Fur Child can give everyone a since of hope that good memories are the ones that you and your Loved one share will connect you both with a special bond that no one else can share and keep close to your hearts and souls.

I know it’s not easy not knowing what happens from here forward for our Fur Children, that is what hurts me more than anything is the not knowing and why.

On a positive note, although we may be at a loss with ourselves knowing Our Fur Children are together makes me in some ways feel a little more comforted that all of us are connected by a Love that we give to Our Fur Children and the Love they share will always be and keep us United.

Gary55, I am sorry to hear about Goldie.

Animal Communicators? Please do share with me more about this because I am interested in getting in touch with one but do not know anything about them or where to begin. Thanks!

 

 

 

[Gary55]

Thank you amcp for for your reply. 3 is no age at all. I do love how you are going about remembering Bogie. Thanks for explaining the Fond Memories, I need to take time to do this. I do talk to to Goldie a lot, however the memories are I see the way to connect at a deeper level. We are then living on with them today and they are in our minds and hearts and with us forever. I know Goldie would not want me sad, he was a lovely boy who loved everything. Maybe our connection can be as good now just in a different way. 

I've spoken to 2 ladies, both were recommended to me. I will pm you with the names as I dont know if it's allowed on the open forum. I have spoken to them a couple of times. It gives me peace in a way that Goldie is saying how it is for him now. Both have told me something that it would impossible for them to know. I've done lots of reading about animal Communication since Goldie passed. It's not just animals in spirit, but live animals with illness or problems too. We have forgotten our telepathy ability. 

It is indeed good to know that we have had them in our lives, and continue to have them in our hearts. 

[KayC]

I'm so sorry for your loss, it's the hardest thing in the world!  I've been alone 16 years come 6/19 (it was Father's Day that year) and when I got Arlie, he was my world!  Losing him was like losing my husband George all over again.  I've lost parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, niece, nephew, cousin, friends, pets, sister, my BIL, and husband.  My life is loss/grief.  I've learned to co-exist in it and look for any good where I can find it, I'll grasp at straws and embrace them!
Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

(Although I wrote this with Loss of Spouse in mind, loss is loss, and grief is grief, if the relationship was tight, the loss is great.) I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.