Unexpected death of a friend I had ignored

[Rad]

I lost a friend last week and I am rather torn up about it. I feel selfish for being upset because I know other people were closer to him. I loved him very much but his lifestyle was a lot for me to handle emotionally and so I had grown a bit apart from him, and I ignored his last three phone calls in the weeks leading up to his death. 
I can’t stop envisioning his body in the morgue, or what I imagine it to look like. I imagine him cold and alone and lifeless in a freezer in a morgue and it’s haunting me non stop. I also thought I would be able to feel him with me, and I just feel alone. 
I know these thoughts are terrible and I feel awful even sharing them. I just want to talk to someone that loved him as much as I do.

[reader]

Dear Rad,

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I know it's extremely hard to deal with the loss of friend. Please don't be hard on yourself. You didn't know. None of us can as much as we want to.

Please know you are not alone. It's important to surround yourself with loving friends and family. There are also many supports offered at these websites:

Grief in Common

Grief Healing Blog

Grief Share

What's Your Grief

Grief Recovery Method.

Thinking of you.

[NicoleT]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I also ignored my friends text the day he died. I was tired and bitchy and quite frankly, a little aggravated with him. But I loved him, and I know that he knew that. I’m sure your friend did too. Guilt and regret is a horrible thing.