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Unexpected death of a friend I had ignored


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I lost a friend last week and I am rather torn up about it. I feel selfish for being upset because I know other people were closer to him. I loved him very much but his lifestyle was a lot for me to handle emotionally and so I had grown a bit apart from him, and I ignored his last three phone calls in the weeks leading up to his death. 
I can’t stop envisioning his body in the morgue, or what I imagine it to look like. I imagine him cold and alone and lifeless in a freezer in a morgue and it’s haunting me non stop. I also thought I would be able to feel him with me, and I just feel alone. 
I know these thoughts are terrible and I feel awful even sharing them. I just want to talk to someone that loved him as much as I do.

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