04 Fucked up life

[Fmllonelygirl]

My life is all fucked up, when I was seven my mum got diagnosed with breast cancer. she didn't tell me and my sister but we found out on our own during a fight she had with our dad. She did chemo and a surgery she spent a lot of time in hospital And we didn't have the right to go visit her. And when she would come home she would be very ill and every time more sick and she would stay the whole time in her room. My dad was taking care of her and of us and plus he wasn't well paid he used to work in a fertiliser plant he was repairing the machines and everything. He had to go to work at 3am. And he would come back at 3pm. And plus he would do all the cleaning and stuff and stay with mom at the hospital he was in full health. After my mum's surgery they said there was no cancer in her body anymore.we were all so happy and celebrated it. Then when she went for a check up in 2016 when I was 10 they said it came back and it was everywhere in her body and that she didn't have a lot of chances to live. A few months later my dad started feeling ill and tired at first we thought it was anemia. He didn't have any blood cells anymore and he got perfusions everyday he had panick attacks and couldn't breath properly.after that he did some tests and we found out that he had leukemia.and it was one special type to which there was no cure. One month after that he started his chemo. Few hours after the  first one he did an internal hemorrhage and died. And during all of that I visited him one time in the hospital and he was in a very shocking and bad state.my dad used to be funny and fat. But then he was very tiny and skinny and couldn't talk. My mom was devastated by that plus her sickness.she was all the time crying and saying that he betrayed her by dying before her because he was supposed to take care of us when she died. But then about 5 months after that she passed away at home after she had been for about two weeks in a coma I was with her when she vomitted blood and died. After that I went to live with my aunt and her family it's fine but I'm 15 now and it's been Nearly 4 years but I just can't get over it. I would do anything to have my parents back. Sometimes I just need someone to trust, I need someone to hug me and tell me that everything will be okay when things suck. I wish I had someone to whom I could tell all my secrets and know that he will always be with me and never laugh at me . What I learned from it is that you should never take anything for granted. One day you have everything the other you lose it all.i would do anything to get them back or have the chance to spend one more hour with them

[reader]

Dear fmllonelygirl,

I'm so sorry to read about everything you have gone through. It's a lot for one person to cope with and I would feel the same way too. Grief is raw. Please know you are not alone and you can write to us as much as you want and share your feelings with us. I found these links that I hope will give you some additional supports. It's important to reach out and talk to someone in the community or through church. Thinking of you. (((hugs)))

https://www.thegoodgrieftrust.org/find-support/for-young-people/

http://www.riprap.org.uk/support/links/bereavement_support.asp

What's Your Grief

Grief in Common

[DaedalanEcho]

fmllonelygirl,

So sorry for your losses.  I had a friend when I was in college that lost both her parents in a short period of time.  Her mother died after a short illness and her father had a heart attack while she was watching TV with him.  It was devastating and she didn't know how she was going to go on.  Even though she missed them terribly, she was able to finish school, go onto med school and became a physician.  

There is light at the end of the tunnel, best of luck and please take care of yourself.

-Vance