Lost my Dad a week ago - feel completely lost

[me1979]

Hi - not sure where to start as still feel incredibly numb. My dad had a heart attack two weeks ago,he had a stent fitted and spent a week in hospital. Very breathless but genuinely on the mend. They discharged in at 6pm on Friday 30/04.
My sister and I went to pick him up, very tired and sore but in good spirits,gave us cuddles told us he loved us. He was sprightly as he went upstairs to go to the loo. (7.50)Next came the most agonising yelp and we ran upstairs , still cant get the image out of my head. We tried to save him till the ambulance came ,they worked on him for over an hour then blue lighted himto the hospital. At 9.40 the doctor broke the news that he has gone.
I am the eldest sister and trying so hard to be strong, but i am completely numb, not sleeping ,paranoid that the ache i feel in my chest and body is a heart attack too.
I am so scared ,he was my best friend and cant imagine a life without him.

Sorry for the detail, just writing it down and telling people who dont know me etc might help me get it all out.

A x

 

[Taylor22]

Hi A, 

I’m so sorry for your loss! That’s absolutely horrible and I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. I know that nothing I can say will really bring any comfort, but just know that you’re not alone. I lost my mom to a massive heart attack about 2 months ago and I’m also completely lost. I’m 28 and she was 52 and it was a shock to all of us. She complained about heartburn a week or so before, but we thought it was nothing since she has always had problems with acid reflux and heartburn. I’ve been beating myself ever since, why didn’t I just insist on her going to the hospital? I haven’t been eating and barely sleeping, she was also my best friend and the only person I really had. 
 

I can understand the paranoia as well, I was in the hospital 2 weeks ago because I had heartburn that wouldn’t go away. It’s so hard to envision my life without her, it just feels empty and pointless. I’m so sorry you are going through this, please message me if you ever want to talk. 
 

Taylor

[reader]

Dear A,

(((hugs))) I'm so sorry for you loss.

Please know we are with you. And if you need to write out your feelings or talk, we are here.