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My furr baby and best friend of 12 years is gone!!! How do I deal with this???? I'm so distraught and lost!!!


Tberg

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We lost our furr baby 2 1/2 weeks ago. We had her for 12 long wonderful years. The best years of my life!! She was amazing!! There was not a single moment of her life that she was alone. Someone from our large family was literally with her every minute of her life... until the last two days. The vet thought they knew what was wrong with her after she suddenly became I'll. She had to stay the night there to prep for surgery the next day. They went in to do surgery and found out it was an inoperable ovarian tumor the size of a softball. I had to make the hardest decision of my life. She was euthanized. I didn't hug her enough before leaving her at the vet that day. We thought she was coming home. She was never away from us and I can't get it out of my head that she had to have felt abandoned that day. She had to have been thinking "I get sick and you just leave me!?" The last thing I said to her was "you are going to be okay, we aren't leaving you, we are coming back" and that wasn't the case. I am so angry that our vet of 12 years NEVER ONCE told us to have her spayed to prevent this!! It was 100% preventable and it's my fault for not knowing. Its my fault!!!!! I don't think I will ever get over this guilt. I'm also angry because she had lumps on her and I had them biopsied last year and they said they were only lipomas and not cancer. They we're wrong and had this been caught then, it would have been able to be surgically removed. I keep crying, I can't seem to stop. People don't get it. It's just a dog they say. NO!! SHE WAS FAMILY!! She was by my side every day, slept with me every night and rode with me every where to run errands. She ate a piece of every single pb & j my husband ate (which is a lot). She slept on my lap, in my bed, under my blankets, on the kids...she had such a human like personality. She was my emotional support animal and I am absolutely devastated. I'm trying to cope and keep it together for my kids but then it hits me out of no where and I just start balling my eyes out. I can't sleep, I can't smile or laugh or be happy because then I feel guilty and cry more. I think I need another puppy, but then I think that's betrayal!! Then, I think what if I get a new puppy and have resentment because it's not her. I don't want that, a new puppy or any animal doesn't deserve that. I feel like I'm rambling and that no one gets it or will understand. I truly feel traumatized by her passing. I haven't experienced much loss in my life. She was my baby. We had her since she was only three weeks old. We had to bottle feed her every two hours like a newborn. She was my best friend as well as my husband's and all 6 of our kids who she literally grew up with. She was our 7th baby. I just don't know how to move on and get these thoughts of guilt out of my head. Does it get any easier????

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I am very sorry.  Sudden loss/grief is hard, it has a beginning but not an ending.  In time we begin to adjust and learn to cope, but it's the hardest journey of my life and I've had way too much for my share.  I lost my dad too young, my husband even younger, and I've lost 24 dogs/cats, lots of friends, my mom a few years ago, then my sister, I have a friend with cancer now who has elected not to get chemo.  

No, getting another animal is not betrayal, if anything it speaks to the wonderful relationship the two of you had.  It is not about "replacing them," for that cannot happen.  It is about keeping you company in the now.  Giving you incentive.  Someone to love and be loved by.  I've been through a lot in my life and the hardest losing my sweet husband right after he turned 51, one minute here, the next, gone.  After our dog passed, I got Arlie a few months later, it was him and me, and then he died all too soon...cancer.  I wrote of it where you posted your other post.  Soon thereafter, I lost 25 year old Kitty.  I was all alone.

My son brought me a puppy, conceived when Arlie died, born on my birthday.  Sometimes I feel Arlie sent him to me, to keep me company, little did we know how badly I'd need that, for Covid started soon thereafter and with it, my life as I knew it.  This little puppy...I don't know what I'd do without him.  He doesn't replace Arlie in the least, instead he wriggled his way into my heart on his own, he has different traits than Arlie.  Arlie was my big boy, gorgeous, always smiling, smart, goofy, fun!  I miss holding him.  Kodie is small, very attentive and in tune with me, adorable, loves to spin!  There is no way I can compare the two, and that is best.

http://www.griefhealing.com/comfort-grieving-animal-lovers.htm
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

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I am so sorry for your loss. I can feel from your writing, your distress. And pain. And sadness.

It does get easier. It doesn't seem like it could. @KayC will tell you I only saw darkness and couldn't ever believe things would be right with the world again. We lost our cat suddenly to a very violent sickness and had to rush him to an emergency vet. It was 2 of the most horrific hours watching my cat suffer and then finally put him down. 

So, to say I was heartbroken, lost, angry, guilt-ridden... and devastated is an understatement. 

I grieved and cried and rode the rollercoaster for a long time. Eventually time passes and you finally find a place of peace. It's not easy. But you will get there.

But you will go through it, not around it. 

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