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Meg Meg

Hi I am Meg

I lost my father in January this year due to cancer. The loss is unbearable for me.

Everyday I wake up i have this intense need to talk to him, touch him, come under his arms. I love my dad and i miss him

I am having difficulty in expressing myself in front of my near ones. I don't want to remind them about him because i don't want them to feel sad

I just want to talk about him so that i can stop myself having an emotional breakdown when i am alone.

I don't want to share my feeling with anyone face to face.

i want to cry very loudly and let my heart feel light.

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Grief789

I lost my dad more than 1 year ago and I still cry everyday. 

I conduct my life normally. I laugh, I have fun, I work. 

But each day I make some space to cry. 

I think I will never move on and maybe I, don't want to move on. I want to keep remembering how great of a man he was. 

I feel you. Just let yourself cry sometimes. It helps. And remember it's all part of life. We are all going to die 100% sooner or later. 

 

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TLN
10 hours ago, Grief789 said:

...maybe I, don't want to move on. I want to keep remembering how great of a man he was. 

Indeed.

10 hours ago, Grief789 said:

And remember it's all part of life. We are all going to die 100% sooner or later. 

Indeed...so live while you're here. Just live. Thanks for the post. @TLN.

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Meg Meg

indeed its tough for everyone to cope up with the loss, and no one could feel the void or could ever replace them.

I don't want his voice to fade, i want to keep him forever with me

 

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Jordaan

I lost my Dad on the 9th of April, with Covid I have been unable to travel home for a funeral or to grief with my family, tonight the realization that I will never talk to him again hit me like a freight train, the pain and sadness is unbearable 

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Meg Meg
1 hour ago, Jordaan said:

I lost my Dad on the 9th of April, with Covid I have been unable to travel home for a funeral or to grief with my family, tonight the realization that I will never talk to him again hit me like a freight train, the pain and sadness is unbearable 

True, i can completely understand, i booked my ticket the moment i heard his diagnosis. Though i couldn't had his touch because the cancer cells affected my dad's brain by that time.

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Meg Meg
9 minutes ago, Meg Meg said:

True, i can completely understand, i booked my ticket the moment i heard his diagnosis. Though i couldn't had his touch because the cancer cells affected my dad's brain by that time.

still i know deep inside his mind he still recognises me and my touch, i love you dad(papa)

 

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imissmydad55
On 5/2/2021 at 6:09 AM, Jordaan said:

I lost my Dad on the 9th of April, with Covid I have been unable to travel home for a funeral or to grief with my family, tonight the realization that I will never talk to him again hit me like a freight train, the pain and sadness is unbearable 

I kind of just went through this myself.

Lost my dad on my birthday two months ago.

This sucks. Vibes to all in this thread.

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Jordaan
30 minutes ago, imissmydad55 said:

I kind of just went through this myself.

Lost my dad on my birthday two months ago.

This sucks. Vibes to all in this thread.

I'm sorry for your loss I know it's painful xx

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Aaryaman singh

Hi , im 16 from India and I lost my dad yesterday night, cardiac arrest during covid. I think I’ve done well and I was strong for my mother. At first when I got the news that his condition was suddenly critical I was very scared and I cried and my elder brother(20 yrs old) came to check on me and he said that nothing has happened yet so I shouldn’t be scared. Then my mom and my 3 uncles left for the hospital immediately.About half an hour later my grandfather called my dad’s best friend to get an update and it was on speaker, I was in another room but I could still hear dad’s friend cry on the phone and my brother came into my room with his hands joined together and  the indexes touching the lips, i looked in his eyes and they were red and We hugged. I did not cry ,I was strong for him. I sat down in the other room with my grandpa who had just lost my grandmother to covid only 9 days ago. My brother sobbed for 5 minutes and assured my grandpa that every thing would be alright and called my mom to inform her and to get her back home as soon as possible . My brother and I were sad but we kept straight faces because we had to take care of our grandpa and mom. 

She cried a lot and it was hard for me to keep control on my emotions but I just looked in a corner and composed myself, I told myself that now is not the time to cry and I need to take care of mom. My brother, mother and I slept together at night it was tough but I managed to get a bit of shut eye because at the time my mind was simply blank. My mother and brother didn’t get much sleep but in the morning today she said that she didn’t want anything but form us to sell our dairy farm and factory to repay all the debts that had troubled and stressed my father for the last year. In the morning my uncle who was overseeing accommodations for my dad came home and he talked to my brother and grandfather and I sat over there as well. We all thought that it was the my brother’s right to be the one that lights the wood for the cremation process. My mother’s brother had reached our city in a flight to support my mom.
 
Later At 11:30 my mother and brother left with my uncles and dad’s friend for the hospital to see my dad for the last time and my moms brother also reached that place directly. My mother came home at 1:15 pm just now and my brother along with the others headed off directly to the COVID-19 patient’s cremation grounds from the hospital. I don’t know when they will return. My mom is getting some sleep right now and so is my grandpa as I sit in my room and describe the incident. This has helped a lot and I think I’ve almost accepted this, right now I am completely calm and at peace. My dad had a lot of dreams, he wanted this car that car etc. but the 2 things he wanted most never changed (1).  To open a well equipped hospital that was free of cost for the poor, (2).this one he shared with my mom who has taught English to kids in grade 3 to 5 .To open a school with no fee that was also state of the art and education was done properly and not just from the text book.

It is now 2:25pm and my brother and uncle have come home after my brother completed all the rituals and the cremation. I am so grateful and thankful to him even though I don’t know why.

The last time that I had a talk with dad was when grandma died, he didn’t cry but you could hear the sorrow in his voice, we had a normal chit chat , a rather short one (I don’t like to talk much on the phone) , he ended the conversation  by saying “LIFE IS SO UNPREDICTABLE,NA?” and I replied with a “hmmm” and we hung up. This is one of the many things he taught me in such little time as I’m only 16 and I had just started to develop an understanding of this world there was a lot he could teach me because of his successful careers in different companies in marketing but I think he did a damn fine job in this limited time.

My other guide, my role model is my coaching teacher, I have a close bond with him and he too has many experiences to go through but I know that he has loved his life right, with honesty ,sincerity and dignity. I have not lost my path and aspire to achieve those dreams that my father hoped of achieving.

Thanks dad, for everything.

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Tamtam

Dear Aaryaman Singh,  I am really sorry for you loss. I read your post and made me cry and wanted to reach out (writing from Japan). I am 40 years old so I cannot imagine how it would be like losing a father as a teenager (of course regardless of age, losing a father is indescribably painful). By reading what you have posted, you seem to be a very strong person and probably need to be strong for your mother and other family members. But I hope you have a way or place to share and express your grief, and don't give yourself too much pressure to be so strong. Since my father's death, I have been telling myself to be strong and have been told so but I have been shattered and doing the best I can to find a way to cope with this sorrow and grief (reading other people's stories is one of them). As your father said, life is so unpredictable. I am telling myself that every day since my father passed. And thank you for sharing your father's dreams as it did remind me of what my father wanted to achieve in this world and what he would hope for me.  

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imissmydad55
On 5/5/2021 at 2:38 AM, Aaryaman singh said:

Hi , im 16 from India and I lost my dad yesterday night, cardiac arrest during covid. I think I’ve done well and I was strong for my mother. At first when I got the news that his condition was suddenly critical I was very scared and I cried and my elder brother(20 yrs old) came to check on me and he said that nothing has happened yet so I shouldn’t be scared. Then my mom and my 3 uncles left for the hospital immediately.About half an hour later my grandfather called my dad’s best friend to get an update and it was on speaker, I was in another room but I could still hear dad’s friend cry on the phone and my brother came into my room with his hands joined together and  the indexes touching the lips, i looked in his eyes and they were red and We hugged. I did not cry ,I was strong for him. I sat down in the other room with my grandpa who had just lost my grandmother to covid only 9 days ago. My brother sobbed for 5 minutes and assured my grandpa that every thing would be alright and called my mom to inform her and to get her back home as soon as possible . My brother and I were sad but we kept straight faces because we had to take care of our grandpa and mom. 

She cried a lot and it was hard for me to keep control on my emotions but I just looked in a corner and composed myself, I told myself that now is not the time to cry and I need to take care of mom. My brother, mother and I slept together at night it was tough but I managed to get a bit of shut eye because at the time my mind was simply blank. My mother and brother didn’t get much sleep but in the morning today she said that she didn’t want anything but form us to sell our dairy farm and factory to repay all the debts that had troubled and stressed my father for the last year. In the morning my uncle who was overseeing accommodations for my dad came home and he talked to my brother and grandfather and I sat over there as well. We all thought that it was the my brother’s right to be the one that lights the wood for the cremation process. My mother’s brother had reached our city in a flight to support my mom.
 
Later At 11:30 my mother and brother left with my uncles and dad’s friend for the hospital to see my dad for the last time and my moms brother also reached that place directly. My mother came home at 1:15 pm just now and my brother along with the others headed off directly to the COVID-19 patient’s cremation grounds from the hospital. I don’t know when they will return. My mom is getting some sleep right now and so is my grandpa as I sit in my room and describe the incident. This has helped a lot and I think I’ve almost accepted this, right now I am completely calm and at peace. My dad had a lot of dreams, he wanted this car that car etc. but the 2 things he wanted most never changed (1).  To open a well equipped hospital that was free of cost for the poor, (2).this one he shared with my mom who has taught English to kids in grade 3 to 5 .To open a school with no fee that was also state of the art and education was done properly and not just from the text book.

It is now 2:25pm and my brother and uncle have come home after my brother completed all the rituals and the cremation. I am so grateful and thankful to him even though I don’t know why.

The last time that I had a talk with dad was when grandma died, he didn’t cry but you could hear the sorrow in his voice, we had a normal chit chat , a rather short one (I don’t like to talk much on the phone) , he ended the conversation  by saying “LIFE IS SO UNPREDICTABLE,NA?” and I replied with a “hmmm” and we hung up. This is one of the many things he taught me in such little time as I’m only 16 and I had just started to develop an understanding of this world there was a lot he could teach me because of his successful careers in different companies in marketing but I think he did a damn fine job in this limited time.

My other guide, my role model is my coaching teacher, I have a close bond with him and he too has many experiences to go through but I know that he has loved his life right, with honesty ,sincerity and dignity. I have not lost my path and aspire to achieve those dreams that my father hoped of achieving.

Thanks dad, for everything.

Take good care of yourself brother.

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Aaryaman singh

@Kevin8988 @Tamtam @imissmydad55

thank you all for replying, I am truly thankful and grateful to you all.sharing my experience here has helped me a lot.your small act of replying has done much more than you think. Thanks guys. You all are the best!!

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