My sister died almost 5 years ago and I still feel like my life is upside down?

[Jellybean202]

I’m 28 years old and my older sister died 5 years ago in august.

I feel like from that day, my life went into a spiral and grief just caused absolute destruction.

I feel like I lost my personality and because of how I’ve gone through my grief journey and all the shite that comes with it, my life is just too different now for me to move on in the way that I would like to.

I was the most bubbly social happy girl you would have met. Friends with anybody, always partying, always loving and laughing. Anyone I meet now still thinks that I’m that bubbly friendly person but I know that the existing people in my life (those that are left in it! Through fault of my own and situations that weren’t my fault, my friendship circle had significantly decreased) know that I struggle and I’m not as bubbly as I once was.

I’ve been receiving psychotherapy for 3 years and am comfortable with what I feel and why and what I need to be able to overcome. Was just wanting to speak to people that have been through or are going through this too x

[reader]

Dear Jellybean,

I'm so sorry for your devastating loss. Grief takes a toll and it is hard to carry forward. It is important to continue to have support and I wanted to suggest these websites that I found helpful.

What's Your Grief

Grief in Common

Grief Healing Blog

Grief Share

Grief Recovery Method

[SandyLoo]

I’m sorry for your loss. I underStand how you feel because I feel the same way.

Life after a sibling death is jolting in every way. I suffered and still do with anxiety after my older sisters death from a rare cancer - I had not had anxiety in my life previously, I am 47. I feel like my personality has changed, as well because of this. 
I do tell myself that I deserve peace but moments of grief are allowed to happen. But I really relate to you wondering if it will go away and will we be the same personality. We have changed bc of our losses but I do think that is a positive (even though it doesn’t feel like that at times) - we will be more compassionate, loving and supportive to others and it’s important to feel all the feels and go through it in order to heal. 
im always happy to be a support to someone who is going through this. It helps to have someone who understands, listens and can let you know you are going to be okay.