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susan100

My Father's death resulted in the loss of the entire family

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susan100

My story actually starts when I was a child- and explodes in adulthood.  My Mother never showed me real affection and has an unusually close relationship (codependant) with another sibling.- which they call a "special relationship".  Unfortunately for me- my Mother and 2 sisters don't have very good self esteem.  They have been jealous of me since I was a small child. I was thin, smart & cute apparently. They were not thin- but they are cute and smart. My Father was the only thing that kept my Mother's abuse to emotional negligence. He was the only thing that kept any kind of connection to me to the rest of the family. He died in 1998. And with his death was an instantaneous expulsion of me from the rest of their lives. They had been waiting to do it- it seemed. They have done some really sick and twisted things to make every effort to hurt me. I have distanced myself and my family as much as possible for protection. I miss my dad - who was the only one who never wanted to hurt me out of jealousy. The only one who seemed to really want me around. I grieve for the Mother and family that I never really had. This year marks the 10th anniversary of his death.  I find myself in a new place of increased greiving for his loss - and for the loss of all hope that any miracle would ever happen with my Mother. I find that we are a family of 3- me, my husband, and my son- with no other relatives. My son has no grandparents or cousins, aunts, or uncles. Its just us. I am thankful for the 3 of us. However, there will always be an imposed void created specially for me by my spiteful family. Sometimes I hate them for it. Sometimes I am just sad over it. And I try to make things better for my child. I try to focus on the victory that he is not growing up in an environment knowing that he is not loved like the others. I have kept him completely away from them- and they have shown no interest in him whatsoever. So it has not been hard. My challenge now is to face the sadness and emptiness of knowing that the possibility that they would ever snap out of it is completely gone - with the 10 yr anniversary of his death.

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sheela

susan i am so sorry i am in the same boat almost exactly only with out any kids or a boy friend.. i was my moms favorite and we were co dependants on each other she passed last year.. i was never close to any other family at all and now find myself very alone....  email me if you want too

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rememberingbev

To:  Susan100:

Hi Susan:  I just read your post about your unloving and hurtful family members.  I am so very sorry.  I can relate to some of the details.  My family is estranged also, for a number of reasons, mostly extreme selfishness on the part of my sisters.  My mother, who passed 3 years ago,  could be loving, but she also could turn around and behave in completely unexpected ways that were very rejecting and hurtful.  I found she had lied to me about many things, and she abandoned me at a critical time in my life--even though I had always been there for her when she needed me, and when nobody else wanted to deal with her.    The only person I had been close to at all was one of my three sisters, and she passed away almost 6 years ago, and just like your description of having new grief feelings about your father,  I truly can understand--I am feeling this also at times.   I am grateful that there is a place like this site to meet others who can understand our feelings and won't say the dreaded:  "Get over it".  It sounds like you are trying to make a good life with your husband and son, and there are many good people who can become family members for their friends---as the saying goes:  We don't get to choose our families, but we can choose our friends".  Write to me if you wish.  my username is rememberingbev, and email: bethes@yahoo.com

 

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cheryl36

Hello everyone I am Cheryl, and this thread caught my attention.  I'll try to make this short as possible.  My husband was dx in april with gbm the deadliest form of brain cancer.  Now please keep in mind that my husband was the glue (litterally) that held his family together.  Everyone always came to him for money whent hey were in trouble and he would play the surragate dad espcially to his mom and dad, and his sister.  all of which were old even to care for themselves.  Now once my husband was dx, I was on my own.  I was the full time caregiver and no one ever offered to come and help me except my mom (which is my soul rock)!  Everytime his sister would come and visit, medication would come up missing and everytime we would tell his parents about it, they would say that our own children were taking it, not his sister.  When his parents would come and visit, they would cause drama, because my mom would be there, either cleaning the house for me or cooking or watching over the kids while Scott was in the hospital or going for his chemo.  When my husband finally passed,  They took me to court and tried to sue me for mine and my husbands business, our houses, cars, tools, everything!  I mean everything.  Its coming up on 4 years now in november and I have forgiven, but i can't forget.  on the first anniversary of my husbands death, i went to the cemetery, his sister and her husband were there, and they beat me up so bad, I had to go to the hospital.  All because they didn't get anything from my husbands estate.  unreal...this is why nothing and i mean nothing surprises me anymore.  I firmly believe that i have truly met pure evil face to face. and nothing phases me anymore.

 

cheryl

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alwaysmyjennifer

Cheryl36, I am so very deeply sorry for all you have been through, first losing your precious husband, and then with all the suffering his family put you through. What a tragedy that you've been treated this way when a family should be supportive and loving. I'm sorry I didn't get to this thread sooner. I'll check in more often. May you find peace while your heart heals. I'm Mark, Jennifer's dad

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sheela

Cherly i am in the same boat also - the family is still the way they were when i last checked in - the only good thing is that i have met a wonderful guy who lives with me - but the family is still the same -- i have cousins and aunt and half sister who are pure evil --

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sheela

well things are the same as always i guess with the family i was talking about - they are so full of evil !! pure evil !! now the one is spreading dirty vicious lies about me to the others and the others hate me to much to even tell me about what she has been saying about me !!!!!! 

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Kelly

Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields

- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.

- Facebook and Twitter Integration

- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"

- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.

- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board

- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it.

- Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible.

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other.

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family

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adc

Try to focus on the good aspects of your life. I know that they hurt you very badly,but they probably won't ever change. Hopefully,they will. God Bless.

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