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Pennywyze43

As many of you know, I lost my father and my husband back to back. In the overwhelming and emotionally crippling pain, I noticed that I hadn't gotten the opportunity to grieve daddy. This ate me up to no end. I know, from experience, that the 2nd year is better than the first, but tomorrow marks 2 years and I am an eyes swollen, snot nosed widow, again. Have been for the past 8 days. Does this ever change?

 

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12 hours ago, CleverPennywyze said:

...I am an eyes swollen, snot nosed widow, again.

Dear CleverPennywyze, Oh how I know what you mean. I never thought I would keep Kleenex in business; but I have cried oceans of tears since my Father died (and that means a LOT of snot!). All we can hope is that it does change; but Lord knows it takes so long. Be well, Dear. @TLN

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Pennywyze43

@TLN I appreciate you sharing that, a lot. It put a smile on my face and some chuckles on my voice. I didn't think (in the first year) that the hurtful and sorrowful pity party I was throwing myself could ever end. Matter of fact, I used to tell my acquaintances on the streets that no one should ever tell someone else that the pain would lessen because those words were cruelly spoken as nothing more than sickening platitudes. I was convinced that my emotional pain was going to be the end of me, and (at the time) I would have relished in not being alive. But, I was raised to believe that if you end your own life your soul will spend eternity in hell. I still believe that, today. Another reason I would never hurt myself like that is because the soul inside me does not belong to me. It's only a loaner. One day I will have to give it back, and that would be hard to do if my soul is in hell. It would be really difficult to have to explain to The Man Upstairs that I condemned my (His) soul to Hades. 

Good night.

 

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