Haunted by baby sister's death

[Cailte50]

My baby sister died,over 40 years ago,at 4 months old. She had severe digestive problems and was very sick before she died.

No one in my family talks about her,there are no photos of her and I cannot ask my parents about her as they are unable to talk about her(and I completely accept this).Over the decades,I have often thought about her. The one thing i know is that she died hundreds of miles away from our home,in a city hospital,and my parents didnt stay in the hospital with her.

My brother has a baby girl,she is now 4 months old and full of life and health.Seeing my baby niece at this age has now triggered an unbearable grief about my sister. And ive also have a memory of something being said about difficulties for my parents about being with her when she died.I could be very wrong about this and only they can tell me for sure and I have tried to ask but ive been begged to not to.

What is haunting me is was anyone with my little sister when she died? Did she die all alone and in pain? I have a very strong gut feeling that the reason my parents cant talk about her is because they werent with her(I know there were different times back then regarding how parents were dealt with,in hospitals). 

I don't what to do about this and I feel inconsolable.Do you think that maybe when my little sister was dying,that a nurse was sitting with her,that she was not left alone?

If anyone has any words that can help me,I would really appreciate it as I am heartbroken.

 

[reader]

Dear Cailte,

You're a very kind and caring sister and I know none of us want to think of anyone passing alone. I would hope a nurse was there and was comforting. 

I think it would be best to speak to a counsellor about your feelings of what happened. I hope these websites will help you.

What's Your Grief

Grief in Common

Grief Healing Blog

Grief Share

Grief Recovery Method