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Fiance is Grieving

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Nikki Brand

in August of 2020, my fiance and i got engaged. We have been so happy ever since, the week after, we set a date, picked a venue, and all the fun wedding planning things. This past January, my fiance and I finally moved in together. We live in the house right next door to his parents, because they own the house and are renting it to us for a fairly decent price until the housing market gets a little more buyer friendly.


On February 14, my fiance's little sister passed away, suddenly. Last year, she was diagnosed with hydrocephalus. She spent weeks in the hospital, and made it out just fine. She suddenly had an incident and her brain swelled up so bad, the only option my future in-laws had was to take her off life support and let. nature take it's course. 


My fiance and his little sister, who was 7 years younger than him, were the very best of friends. They had a secret handshake and called each other sidekick. I have never seen a better brother/sister bond. Losing her was his worst fear, and he is having a very hard time coping with the loss. 


He is now saying that he does not want to get married this upcoming September, because his little sister was his best man, and he does not want to stand up there on what is supposed to be the happiest day of his life, without his little sister by his side. Is this the depression and grief talking? Or does he really not want to get married anymore? I am not sure how to help him cope with this loss, he seemed to be doing fine for a while and he just completely shut down this past week. I understand everybody grieves differently, but how do i show him that i'm here for him, and that his little sister would want him to live on and go on with our wedding as planned. I know for a fact she would not want him to cancel, but how do i get that through to him?  I hate seeing him in so much pain and i'm just so lost.

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Dear Nikki,

I'm so sorry to hear of the devastating loss of your fiance's sister. It is incredibly painful and a raw time.  The first year of grief is the hardest and it will take a lot of time for your fiance to work through his thoughts and feelings.  I found this article that I hope will be a helpful. 

https://tribecatherapy.com/5204/the-death-of-a-sibling-changes-everything/#:~:text=You are surviving the trauma,well as a familial bond.


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