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year 2 and it seems harder than the 1st


Jttalways

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On 3/25/2021 at 3:23 PM, myloss123 said:

...you lost the person who understood you. I also get the alcohol use. This is a bit hypocritic, as I unfortunately also  deal with problems via alcohol, when I am a psychologist working with people who often times have  substance abuse issues.

Dear myloss123, I, too, feel like such a hypocrite, as I used alcohol to kill the pain after my Father died (though I have since stopped)--and I am a Christian! Or, at least, I used to be. God, since Father died, feels dead to me too. I don't know how to explain it other than to say his presence has left me and now I am alone. The loss is agony. But I persevere. 'Tis all I know to do. So grateful for you all. TLN.

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I didn't get help with the sleep for YEARS!  I finally realized in so doing I had just made it harder on myself. I'm non-apologetic for taking a sleeping pill every night now, without which I would be sorely lacking in sleep.  I've tried all the usual suggestions for years, we do what we need to get by.

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JTTalways, 

This is a miserable journey, isn't it.  Sad. Such a short simple word. But when it goes on an on, it is life crushing. 

I am sorry your doctor was resistant to prescribing you medication to help you sleep. My sleep was terrible for years. I would only get 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night for a month or more and then sleep for 2 days barely getting up.  Then revert back to 2 or 3 hours of sleep. It is a wonder I didn't crash my car driving I was so sleep deprived.  

Somewhere in year three, I told my doctor and he prescribed an antianxiety medication to take at bedtime and it has really helped me get much better sleep. 

I generally sleep 7 hours a night now. I feel much better, it really helped clear up some of my brain fog.  I think getting more sleep also contributed to my "getting better" during my 4th year of grief.

I would try talking to your doctor again about your chronic sleep deprivation. Perhaps he will be more helpful now. 

A weighted blanket has also helped me sleep more soundly.  You may have to run your A/C  extra cool because the weighted blanket is pretty warm.  It was good this past winter, but I have put it away now (in Florida it was 86 degrees F today.)

Hugs

Gail

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21 hours ago, Jttalways said:

I asked my doctor for pills and I was told to take melatonin and to see a therapist.

I hope you'll consider going to a different doctor...I recently did and am so glad I took that leap!  I had one doctor for 32 years, the next for 11, so I didn't take this lightly.  But if a doctor doesn't hear you or help you, time to find another.  Ask your friends for recommendations, I even did a survey on line of our townspeople, who they went to, did they like them, if so why or why not?  It helped.  I tried Melatonin years ago, it helps my daughter and one sister, it does nothing for me.  I tried all the usual tips, not being online or watching news before bed, having a bedtime ritual, snuggling with my puppy, not eating within three hours of bedtime, etc. etc. etc.  Still I'd lay awake in the night.  I feel for you.  Sleep is one of the most essential things we can do for our health and well being!  It's hard to function without it.

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On 3/28/2021 at 7:19 AM, KayC said:

I hope you'll consider going to a different doctor...

Thanks Kay, I am going to. This week is the first time my depression seems almost crippling. I have never been this depressed before. No problem sleeping this time, if anything all i want to do is sleep. 

 

On 3/29/2021 at 10:06 AM, DMB said:

I too would drink way too much to try and dull the pain.

I am drinking to dull the pain and to momentarily forget. I only drink on weekends and I do not drink alone. Hopefully this doesnt change.

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I'm happy with my new doctor although dealing with their procedures is harder, a lot of on line forms each time you go in, questionnaires and questionnaires!  But worth it to have a doctor that cares and is up to date with their knowledge & progressiveness.  Let us know how it goes!  I asked around in my community who people liked, etc. and why.

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@Jttalways I'm coming to the end of 2nd year, and I have been distracting myself with a lot of things. I drank a lot during the first year, I couldn't sleep at all if I didn't drink. And then I got really sick, then I know I can't do that anymore, nobody is going to take care of me if I'm not ok and get sick. I do a lot of things that bystanders would frown on or don't understand too, but to be honest I have to do what I have to do to survive and cope. No one else should have right to judge or even comment. However take care of yourself, if you notice things getting out of hand, maybe there's other things you can turn to, to distract and cope.

I've been taking 5-htp for half year, mainly because of my PMS has been 10 folds more serious than before. It became overwhelming and I'd be too depressed to do anything for more than a week each month. It does help, but I know it doesn't help everyone though.

I went to therapy at the beginning and then stopped because of financial reason. I've started back therapy again few weeks ago, because I have been feeling very bad lately. I didn't really know what's the benefit of therapy the first time, probably because I still couldn't set in what was happening. But now after nearly 2 years, I feel that unloading feelings in therapy is way better than talking about it with friends. Sometimes friends may have the best intention but respond with most hurtful words, that they don't even realize. In therapy you get to unload your feelings, not feeling judge, try to make sense of what you feel and why you feel that. So I'd say go for it if you feel like it.

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@chincube  Oh I hear you and agree, I needn't have worried about what friends would say as they all disappeared immediately!  A good counselor is worth their weight in gold...my first one was NOT!  I learned if one isn't resonating, try another.  I was lucky to get a great one on my other site.  Over the years she has become not only my mentor, but my friend. ;)  I wish you well.

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Wow!  That sounds terrifying. 

Glad you came through it relatively okay (didn't crash your car, injure yourself more severely, that the seizures ceased).

Sort of hoping they track down an underlying cause (that I don't have) as it is pretty frightening to think it can happen to anyone. 

Hang in there. 

Gail

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@myloss123  OMG, that sounds horrifying!  Thank God you had the presence of mind to handle it as you did AND that you have a really good friend to be there for you!  A lot of us do not have that anymore but I'm so thankful you do!  Maybe sign up for yoga, do meditation and pray!  Take walks EVERY day as it helps!  I can not accentuate enough how important self-care is, especially now that we're alone!  This could have had a horrid ending, I'm so glad you're going to be okay!

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