Death of both parents by 30s

[Chrissy_101]

Hi, I am new to the grief community. My reason for joining is I don’t seem to know anyone who has lost 1 parent, let alone 2 by the time they are in their 30s. Friends are great, but I think unless someone has experienced this loss they just can’t relate. Would you agree? I would be keen to hear from anyone else in a similar position. How do you cope? Who do you talk to when people your own age can’t relate?

[imissmydad55]

That's rough.

I recently lost my dad. Mom is thankfully still around.

I agree - its going to be tough for you to relate to people your own age who haven't lost both yet. No one knows until they go through it.

I feel that way with people who have both parents and try to tell me how I need to grieve. It's a bit infuriating.

Best of luck to you Chrissy.

[imissmydad55]

I'm in my 30's as well and wasn't the first of my friends to lose their dad.

Looking back to the day my dad died that friend was the only person who provided any real comfort with their words.

Sometimes you just need to be around people your age who know the shitty of feeling of losing a parent. 

Thats why I want to start a virtual grief network of kids our age. We're not fully equipped to handle this loss at our age.

[Monty]

Hello Chrissy,

I am so sorry for the loss of your Mum and Dad. I lost my Mum in my late 30s and my Dad in my early 40s. It has been really hard to find people my age who can relate. A lot of people my parents age (in their 60s) still have one parent alive. My friends try to understand but they cannot. Many of them still have both parents. My siblings and I are very close but we all grieve very differently.
 

Losing my Mum and Dad within a 4 year time span has left me shattered and broken. Losing both of my parents has made me feel like I am stuck out at sea in a little row boat all by myself with no oars or compass to guide me. I am lost in a fog. I will be starting grief counselling next week I am really hoping that having someone to talk to will help.

Please know that you are not alone. Be kind to yourself. 

[Amy S]

Hi, I lost my mum In October and then my Dad suddenly in December I'm 37 and an only child with two small.children of my own, im knee deep in the thick of grief and shock and anger and then disbelief, I feel so alone 

[Eamonm]

I just lost my dad in January and can't even come close to dealing with it never mind losing my mum too, absolutely shattered, couldn't imagine your pain right now Amy and chrissy 

[Jennifer W.]

I have also lost both parents, but mine was by the age of 39. I cldn't imagine by 30. I'm so sorry hun. I lost my dad when I was 2 by a drunk driver & my mom when I was 39 by a fall & bled out from a hit on her head from a piece of wood furniture. She was alone.

[Christine91]

Hey Chrissy,

I lost my mom at the age of 8 and my father just passed 12/21/2020.

I turned 30 this February.

i don’t have a single friend that has lost both parents and I agree, none of my friends even my best friend can talk with me about it.

I just found out about this site in hopes to find help also.

I’m here if you want to chat.

 

[Kelly H]

Hi everyone, this isn't maybe the right way to phrase this but it's a relief to find people my age who have gone through this or similar. I have some good friends but they have never lost anyone let alone all their grandparents and parent(s).

My mam died recently in Jan aged 58, totally unexpected. My dad is still with us but she was his carer so now I am. I won't lie it's been overwhelming dealing with her death and this new worry and responsibility. 

I've not had chance to grieve as I am so anxious over how badly my dad is coping. 

I've no grandparents left and my partner of 10 years recently left as he couldn't cope with the way things are at the moment.  

It seems a lonely road at the moment but we are in it together aren't we. 

[Taylor22]

Hey Chrissy, 

I stumbled upon this forum because I was having the same problem.

I lost my dad 11 years ago at 17 to suicide and I just lost my mom a few weeks ago to a massive heart attack, my dad was only 41 and mom just turned 52.  I'm 28 and an only child. I was close to both of my parents, but I had a really close bond with my mom. She was the one who helped me through my dad's death and now I'm just lost. Her death was so unexpected too, she didn't have any health issues or issues with her heart. 

I'm having such a hard time coping and I honestly feel like I've been abandoned. People around me try to comfort me, but they can't really relate. I'm the only person who lost both of their parents at such a young age

[Vane]

Hi Chrissy,

To start off, I have been deeply touched by your story and I wanted to share my experience in losing both of my wonderful parents in my 30’s. I lost my dad to cancer 6 years ago and that shattered my heart into pieces that I still have not put together. And I recently lost my mother due to COVID right before this past Christmas. I didn’t even get to see her to kiss her goodbye. I’ve been feeling like a big 38 year-old abandoned child. I ask a lot of whys and there aren’t really any answers. Sometimes I feel like I’m all alone and no one understands me.... a big part of me has died with the loss of both of my parents. I recently started reading “On Grief & Grieving” and that seems to help me release some of this pain as some of the stories of loss in the book seem very relatable. I have been thinking about finding a grief therapist or a support group if that’s even a thing. I wish you peace in your heart. 

[PunkMumf]

Hi everyone, I'm 35 and it seems like there's a fair amount of us dealing with the same problem or at least close to it. I lost my father in 2015 and just lost my mother this past Monday due to liver failure. There's so many things that make this hard. She was so close to a transplant that we were told to keep our phones on us at all times literally days before she started to rapidly decline. My wife and I were living with her and I was her primary caretaker and because we live in a fairly expensive apartment complex, we have to figure out how to get out of the expensive lease as there is no way the 2 of us could afford it. As a compounding issue, my wife was officially laid off in April due to COVID so even if we have enough saved up for a down payment on something, we don't have good income to show for a new place. I feel so overwhelmed and as much as I usually have faith that things will work out for the best, this is going to be a really trying time for us and I am genuinely concerned for our future. 

[KeyLimePie1]

Hi Chrissy and hello to everyone else reading this. I am sorry to hear of your loss and I understand where you are all coming from.

I am 30 years old, and I lost both of my parents in the last two years. I was estranged from my dad for many years so that loss didn’t particularly hit me so hard, but my mum who I loved very dearly passed away last week and this has hit me extremely hard. 

Like many here, I don’t have any friends my age who understand what this is like. My boss at work (who is in his 60s) lost his parents in his 30s so he understands where I’m coming from but from speaking to him about his experience, I think he put his feelings in a box and left them there and carried on. 

People are well meaning but they don’t understand the loss of a parent unless they've been through it themselves. I didn’t truly understand what this was like until very recently, and I can easily say it is the worst experience I will ever have in my own life. Nothing can make me feel worse than I've felt this past two weeks. Some people will say to me the things like “your mum wouldn’t want you to be sad” - which I know she wouldn't, but until they experience it they won’t truly understand me, and it’s very difficult to get people to relate. 

I am currently in a phase where I have little energy to see people or do anything productive outside my four walls. I already feel like some people I know are trying to ‘rush me back to doing normal things’ to keep going. I don’t have any enthusiasm for my interests or hobbies, and I’ve lost enthusiasm for working. I am literally living day to day, just glad I can get some food down me and get some sleep wherever I can manage it. 

I just want to say I understand where you are all coming from. 

[findingjoyagain]

I'm so sorry for all of the pain you are each suffering, unfortunately I'm in the same sad club. Im 34. My dad died when I was 30, and my mum tried so hard to survive but didn't know how to live without him and died of a broken heart right after I turned 33. 

It's so hard to relate to those our age who fortunatly haven't experienced a loss of this magnitude. I've leaned on several friends who sadly have lpst one of their parents young but other than my sibling I dont know anyone who has lost both parents at our age. Some of my circle still have their grandparents and the majority live in a state of perpetual frustration with their parents being too present and involved in their family's lives and spoiling their granskids - lol if only! It's hard to hear.

I have recently stepped out of survival mode and accepted that I need therapy to aid my healing. Its helping to reverse some of the negative coping strategies I've developed while trapped in the trauma cycle. My anxiety around losing my surviving loved ones is out of control. There is so much lost, so many plans, hopes and dreams that will never be fulfilled. I always expected to outlive my parents, but I wasn't ready for it to happen so early and while I was just figuring out who I was as an adult and as a parent myself.

Sending you all strength and healing and I hope you have more good days than bad this week. 

[Forsakendove]

I at 35 also understand what so many of you are going through. I lost my Dad to cardiac arrest when I was 32 unexpectedly and instantly, still don’t really know why. I then lost my Mom when I was 34 to metastatic breast cancer. She lasted 3 months. She har just moved to be closer to me and her grandkids and just started a new chapter in her life when it abruptly ended. It was heartbreaking. 
My Dad’s death was sad and shocking, but after my Mom died I was taken aback with how crushing it all was. I fell into a serious depression for the next year that I was only able to identify once I started to come out the other side.  I still feel the same… alone and like an orphan. For the first year I felt like my life had no meaning anymore. I still feel alone and rudderless, but I guess I have adjusted to this new normal. The most surprising part for me is how much my need to make my parents proud centered so much in my life, Especially considering what a rebel I have always been! Now I simply DGAF anymore.

[Tiss]

Hi Chrissy and Others,

looks like there’s a whole group of us that have lost both our parents. Lost my mom at 19 and my dad 2 months ago.  I’m 37.

Nobody wants to be a member of the Dead Parent Club, but if you are you can really relate to its other members. I’ve had many a visceral connection with members- it’s some strange understanding and bond, but  both parents is new to me and I haven’t met anyone my age yet. 

No, people that haven’t lost a parent or both don’t know how to talk to us- it seems like it either makes them uncomfortable and they don’t want to bring it up, or they say something offensive.  (Towards the end of my dads life someone told me they new what I was going through: their bicycle was broken and they were waiting for part to arrive.)

ive also been surprised at the lack of condolences from acquaintances and coworkers, and extended family members.

I don’t want to feel sorry for myself or wallow, but I don’t yet know how to process being in my 30’s with both parents dead.

 

[KeyLimePie1]

21 minutes ago, Tiss said:

Hi Chrissy and Others,

looks like there’s a whole group of us that have lost both our parents. Lost my mom at 19 and my dad 2 months ago.  I’m 37.

No, people that haven’t lost a parent or both don’t know how to talk to us- it seems like it either makes them uncomfortable and they don’t want to bring it up, or they say something offensive.  (Towards the end of my dads life someone told me they new what I was going through: their bicycle was broken and they were waiting for part to arrive.)

ive also been surprised at the lack of condolences from acquaintances and coworkers, and extended family members.

I don’t want to feel sorry for myself or wallow, but I don’t yet know how to process being in my 30’s with both parents dead.

 

Chrissy, Tiss and others,

I'm 30 and I have lost both my parents in the last two years. I was extremely close to my mom who passed away last month.

I feel like I am in the same boat as you. Many people are well meaning, but most of them still have their parents so can't relate to exactly how I am feeling. At the moment I only want to converse with people who understand - that's why I came to this forum.

I initially had some contact from a couple of friends and co-workers, but in the last couple of weeks, the only contact I have is with my sister and nieces on a daily basis. Most friends and co-workers have gone off the radar for me at the moment. Some probably don't know what to say, I suspect others may not truly understand or appreciate the gravity of the grief we are going through. 

All I can say is, everyone tells me there's no timeframe for when and how we address this. The grief will probably stay with us in some way forever, but everyone tells me it does get easier to live with in time. A couple of months is no time really - it's still very new and raw. There's no timeframe, and there's no right or wrong way to grieve. But please try and be kind to yourself where you can be, because that's what our parents would definitely want us to do. 

Please look after yourselves and keep on being open, keep talking. There's always someone around who will understand your grief. I am always here to talk or chat anytime.

[Phil1978]

Hi Chrissy I am the same I sadly lost my dad to suicide when I was 24 and my mum to kidney failure when I was 30 I am 43 now but still can’t seem to get my head round what happened it is true what they say time does help to heal you I have a 15 year old son and a brother near by but my son doesn’t know what happened to his grandad so we don’t discuss it time is a good healer doesn’t harm to have a good cry I find it helps and I lost my dad in 2002 

[nuvar]

i lost my mum when i was 34 and she was 74 - she was a really good person, not saying so because shes my mum but everyone agreed. she went for treatment for lung cancer because of me, knowing i wouldnt be able to cope in many areas, more of mentally. saw how she suffered when they tortured her there in the name of science and medical help

 

my dad has dementia and he's 79 this year - im his sole caregiver

im an only child and am currently single, not many friends and somewhat estranged from relatives who put the blame of my mum's demise on me and often fault me for my father's caregiving when they are not helping a single bit. i have nothing but hatred for them, dreaming of revenge against all of them. i really wish to take revenge on all of them, assholes saying crap.

perhaps that's the only thing keeping me alive. but they are elites, rich and all and i am nothing

no career or passion/hobbies to speak of, my mum was my closest friend

[Teasha]

I feel for all of you. I’m 39. At age 31, I lost my mom to heart disease suddenly. She was 51. At age 33, I lost my father to colon cancer within 3 months of diagnosis. He was 54. It is still a struggle personally and have only recently started to return to activities I used to do avidly. Including working full time. I want to tell all of you that what you are feeling is perfect and no one will ever understand what it means or how it feels to lose both parents so close together. I have done 4 years of grief counseling and not 100% sure that helps everyone. I’m here to vent to and listen if interested.

Edited October 16, 2021 by Teasha
Forgot age of father

[Oizys Miseria]

I definitely understand.  Recently lost my mom.  I’m in my 30’s.  No father or any close family.  My friends all still have two living parents that love them.  It’s angering honestly.  It’s unfair.  I see my friends with two living parents, siblings, cousins, and nieces.  I have none of those things now and I can’t help but feel like the universe is against me.  Then my friends who have not experienced loss have the audacity to tell me I’ll be okay.  They have no idea what this feels like.   I want to scream.  

[Shine Bright Light]

Hi...  I'm 31 and lost my mom yesterday to cardiac arrest and my dad a few years ago. My mom was my main support system. She was only 61. I don't have a big family. I don't have a significant other, My only sister is doing God knows what. My friends haven't been in touch much this year. One of my close coworkers and boss know what's going on and are letting me get bereavement leave. I feel so empty and lonely. I'll never hear her voice again, see her light up when she saw me, hug her, tell her I love her, etc. I'm crushed. I already have anxiety and heart problems too like pfo. I don't know how to go on. Most of my friends won't understand since they have both parents. Alot of older people have parents alive. I want her here and I know that's selfish, she was and is the light in my dark. I know she wouldn't want me to be sad but I can't help it. I can't help it at all. Everything hurts. She wanted me to visit her all year too and I selfishly didn't.. I said I had to work and she always told me don't work too hard don't overdue it... God I wish I listened... :((( 

 

[seaofgreen]

On 3/21/2021 at 12:09 AM, Chrissy_101 said:

Hi, I am new to the grief community. My reason for joining is I don’t seem to know anyone who has lost 1 parent, let alone 2 by the time they are in their 30s. Friends are great, but I think unless someone has experienced this loss they just can’t relate. Would you agree? I would be keen to hear from anyone else in a similar position. How do you cope? Who do you talk to when people your own age can’t relate?

Chrissy I hear where you are coming from. I lost both of my parents within 4 years and I’m 26. I am so sorry you are feeling this pain. I don’t wish it on anyone. Just know you are not alone. Coping has been a real personal struggle, hence why I have come to a site like this to vent. Keep reaching out and doing self are. 

[Madison17698]

Hey,

I don’t even know exactly what this platform is and I don’t even know if I’m the type of person you’re looking for “advice” from. I’m 15 and I lost both of my parents in 2020, it sucked. I also don’t have anyone my age that has experienced what I have. I would recommend just reflecting heavily on the time you did have with your parents, the good times and the bad. I also tend to talk to myself out loud about it, I know super weird and sounds embarrassing but whatever, that’s just what I do lol. So yeah I don’t know if that’s helpful or anything but that is my “advice” I guess.

good luck with your “grieving?” (Idk if that’s the word) 

- Madison

[leona.brown1991]

I just turned 30 this year and i lost my dad 7/3/19 an my mother 12/17/21 it is very hard and I am struggling with this also

[Silvi]

Dear friends,

I’ve been scrolling through your heart-breaking stories and I hope you‘re being strong during this tough time.

Just recently I‘ve been very sad and almost hopeless, since I lost my parents very early, when I was 30. My dad was hit by a drunk driver, when I was 12, and my mom died from alcohol in 2020. I feel so devastated every now and then.
 

It‘s just so unfair and all I want is have them around me and make everything good. But then people and friends are so distanced, don‘t know how to go about it. They want you to move on fast and have fun again. This fact alone hits me so hard - when I lost the biggest parts in my life, I lost loving parts in myself. No one understands and I really lose interest in the world as it is. Cold and greedy.

If you like to chat, I‘m here.

Best,

Silvia

On 12/27/2021 at 9:17 PM, leona.brown1991 said:

I just turned 30 this year and i lost my dad 7/3/19 an my mother 12/17/21 it is very hard and I am struggling with this also

Sending you lots of love, Leona

[Bebari]

I'm deeply sorry for your loss.

I will be turning 32 in March. I lost my dad when I was 3 and my mom when I was 26. It's been a tough road to travel. But I tell myself daily that they would both want me to be happy. To do all the things that they didn't get to do. Honestly, I struggle holding on to those words on somedays. But I'm trying........

I wish you joy, happiness and peace of mind. Hang in there....

[imissmyparents]

Reading all of these really hit home for me. I'm 38 and I lost my Mom in 2014 to lung cancer that spread to her brain and I lost my Dad in 2019 to colon cancer. The grief started before they even passed away.... watching what cancer did to them was heartbreaking and it took me such a long time to switch my brain to remembering them as the people they were for their entire life and not who I said goodbye to after cancer had taken it's toll. I don't know a single person my age who has lost both parents already and it's so hard for anyone to understand - you really just can't until you go through it yourself. Even before they passed I was exhausted by all of the toxic positivity - no one would just acknowledge that it was late stage cancer and they weren't going to "beat" it. Then after they passed just no one understood what I was going through. I still miss each of them every single day - some days I'm heartbroken and crying, and some days I smile thinking about them and all of our memories. Grief is really a never ending roller coaster. 

My heart goes out to all of you - one day at a time. 

 

[Elski]

I lost my mam when I was 19 and I’ve just lost my Dad a couple of days ago and I’m now 33. I don’t know how I’m going to cope, he was the one who helped me with losing my Mam and I just have the biggest anxiety and heart ache knowing I can’t turn to him to help me. No one’s knows what I’m going through that are around me and I just am really struggling with the idea of having no parents from now on. I hope someone has some words that could help me. 

[mwill822]

Hello all, 

Just combing the internet looking for anyone that can relate…. I’ve lost both of my parents within the last 11 months. I’m 35. They were divorced when I was 7, Dad struggled with substance abuse almost his whole life (that I now know of- may have been an undiagnosed situation he self-medicated for as long as I can remember. He also suffered a horrible childhood) and my mom that did not want to be a single mother that pushed through and did everything she could to raise us in a “normal/happy” home- that also ended up self medicating…..

Anyway- dad was hit by a car and succumbed to his injuries- mom just stopped caring/eating and drank her self into a coma. 
 

I am just trying to come to terms with it all without spiraling. I am typing this out to 1. Just get it out… 2. Maybe help anyone that may be struggling with losing their parent(s) suddenly to crazy  or difficult circumstances. 
 

I’ve always been a glass half full, positive and happy person, but this year is really testing me in ways I never expected. Just trying to get through. One day at a time…. Time- it’s the only thing that seems to help, but also I’m angry, devastated, wanting to ignore, wanting to just focus on happy things… ugh. Anyway. If anything, I truly hope that this passage helps someone. If you have lost one parent or both. If they were old/young if you are old/young, if they died suddenly or if it was a long process… you are not alone. My heart is with you.

[Valerie Lockhart]

Dear mwill822,

I'm sorry for your losses. I too have lost both of my parents. My father was never involved in my life. I did an online search for him and located his cousin. She told me where he had lived, which was ironically down the street from my grandmother, and that he had died. I told my mother, and she confirmed that the woman was his cousin. Like an old song, upon learning of his death, "I couldn't cry or be angered, because my feeling wouldn't allow me to cry for a stranger." However, when my mother died, I was extremely sad and felt guilty. My mother and I was very close. She was a retired nurse. I took care of her, when she became ill. She would tell me what to do to care for her skin, so that she wouldn't develop bed sores. I learned how to give her shots, change bandages and clean her. FEW things in life will ever affect you more deeply than the death of a parent. Not only do you have to endure the intense pain of loss but you are also left to face a future that will likely be quite different from what you had expected.  My mother and I would always pray together and listen to Bible readings. We both drew comfort in the Bible's promise of a resurrection (Revelation 21:3,4). What is also helping me to cope with the loss of my mother and grandparents is praying for God's holy spirit. I've found that one way that God provides comfort is through his holy spirit. It can infuse you with “power beyond what is normal,” so that you can endure the pain of grief. (2 Corinthians 4:7) I've also found that God also provides “comfort from the Scriptures.” (Romans 15:4) I hope that you too can find comfort through prayer and reading the Bible.

[robin84]

On 3/21/2021 at 7:09 AM, Chrissy_101 said:

Hi, I am new to the grief community. My reason for joining is I don’t seem to know anyone who has lost 1 parent, let alone 2 by the time they are in their 30s. Friends are great, but I think unless someone has experienced this loss they just can’t relate. Would you agree? I would be keen to hear from anyone else in a similar position. How do you cope? Who do you talk to when people your own age can’t relate?

 

How are you coping now chrissie? Im 37 and lost my mam 3 weeks ago, I lost my dad when I was 28. I'm really struggling and feel so alone, it's scary. I have siblings and we are all very close, but they all have children to occupy their time, I just feel lost! Has it gotten any better (if that's the right word) over the past year? 

[Still hurting]

Hi, 

Its been almosr three years I lost both my parents unexpectedly due to Covid . My mum  was 64 , not on any mediction and absolutely fine and Dad 74,. My son was born three days after my dad passed away due to Covid, he died with less than a day of admission to a hospital . My  mum passed away 40 days later after a prolonged stay in ICU. It was at the peak of the first wave of COVID, I did not attend either of my parents funeral. I was 34 at that time , and extremely close to both of them . I am  brave for the world and seem strong but despite talking to  people about everything do not know how to tell even to  the people I am closest to the pain remains  . I read through your comments and surprisingly find a some of my thoughts voiced. 

[sandyl]

Hello,

I am new to this community and I would say I'm completely new to just putting my story and feelings out there.

Firstly, I'm so very sorry for the loss of  your parents so young...God bless

 

For someone who lost his mum at 31 and  dad at 36 I can definitely relate to your situation. Here's some bits of my story and lessons I am learning..

Both parents died from cancer and suffered severely throughout their ordeal. I was sole carer for them both although I have 2 elder brothers with high flying careers that rarely found time to contribute. I must say it is odd though that when inheritance matters were surfacing they found time for that.

My parents were extremely honest, hard working folk with traditional values. They helped their brothers and sisters financially throughout the years and even secured homes for some.. They didn't expect anything back, but as their son I can say - they got nothing back from anyone. Instead people were lurking for more during their terminal illnesses.

As mentioned I am the youngest of 3 boys, I arranged the funerals, contacting family/friends, booking places of worship, looking after visitors just as my parents taught me. I do think sometimes why my elder brothers didn't take lead or get involved more..

I think I am grieving now 11 years later with unexplained anxiety/panic attacks and insomnia. I thought I was strong and didn't need to grieve as I wanted to be strong and make them proud. I couldn't cry at either of their funerals..it almost felt as if some were trying to make me cry, which did the opposite for me and arose suspiciouns as to why..

At a time like that all we need is love and not strangely odd behaviour.. I couldn't show weakness.

Whatever the situations we're faced with during these times I'd like to finish by saying:

We never imagined they'd be gone what would seem too soon.. we expected them to be there for their grandchildren, our successes and our failures. 

For all the time and love we shared it was pure. Ups and downs carve out the middle - this is where our eternity forms, our song of life with them.

 

[Dancing_Queen]

On 3/21/2021 at 7:09 AM, Chrissy_101 said:

Hi, I am new to the grief community. My reason for joining is I don’t seem to know anyone who has lost 1 parent, let alone 2 by the time they are in their 30s. Friends are great, but I think unless someone has experienced this loss they just can’t relate. Would you agree? I would be keen to hear from anyone else in a similar position. How do you cope? Who do you talk to when people your own age can’t relate?

Hi Chrissy,

I hope you are doing better. So sorry about your loss.

I lost my mum when I was 23 (she was 51) and my dad last year at 29 (he was 54). Both deaths were sudden and unexpected. There is a lot of complexity surrounding their passing that made me feel a wide range of emotions: anger, disappointment, loneliness, relief, guilt and of course love and deep sadness. 

In real life, I know nobody in the similar situation as my own. I agree: nobody can relate, no matter how they try. I sometimes console myself that if this happens to someone I know, I will be able to relate and I will know what to do. I could become their guide.

What is different about loosing parents at this age is the overwhelming sense of injustice. It makes me bitter at times. I can’t fathom that someone as old as 50 or 60 still boasts of having a parent. I find it so difficult to pass through important events in my life without them. Every major happy moment has an undertone of sadness because my parents cannot experience it with me.

I cope somehow. Therapy helps. I have a very supportive husband who went through a lot with me. Except for that there is nobody in my environment who can understand the magnitude of this pain. I also have no expectations for anyone to understand. 

I am only very saddened that the rest of my family forgot about me. I am the only child. My phone doesn’t ring anymore and I don’t feel like reaching out. I believe that I am the one who should be taken care of now and not the other way around. I have the feeling that I was de-rooted and that I do not belong in my family anymore. I feel like a stranger. If my parents were there, it would be different. I would have some kind of backup and support.

Life goes on. I am closing this chapter and I am creating my own family. My plan is to live a meaningful life and make the best use of time that I have on Earth. My experience thought me not to take life for granted. I am still struggling with anxiety and worry regarding that. It’s very hard at times.

I wish you and others to find some peace. You are not alone. ❤️

[john_o]

Thank you for sharing these experiences here.  I've been looking for a forum of people who have had similar circumstances and reading through these were really helpful to me.  I'm 38 years old and I lost my Mom to heart disease in 2014 and I just lost my Dad to Alzheimer's Disease this past August 2023.  Both my parents were in declining states of health leading to their passings and I've only now come to feel the magnitude of losing both of them.  While it's been 9 years since my Mom died, I'm feeling the impact of it now more than ever before.

There's a saying that when someone you love dies, you don’t just lose them in the present and the past.  You lose them in the future you should have had, or might have had with them.  This has been the center of my grief the past few months.  At 38 I wish my parents could experience all of the milestone moments in my life that are ahead, particularly now that I'm approaching my 40s.  But this will not happen, and while there's still much to experience in life, it just won't be the same without them.

The loss of both my parents will mark a phase of personal growth. It is a journey that is prompting me to reevaluate my life goals and priorities. The need to create a meaningful legacy and cherish every moment.  It is also leading to a deeper exploration of empathy and the importance of nurturing meaningful relationships. The recognition that life is fragile, and our time with loved ones is limited, will influence how I interact with the world and the people around me.

I do hope those of us "orphans" in early adulthood can find a common community and learn from each other.  I've found this forum to be a great start in that direction for me.

[Traz]

My heart goes out to everyone here for the loss of both parents. You are all too young to be without them in your lives.  I truly feel for you. 

I lost my dad when I was 32 but I had my mom until I was 53, so I feel grateful for that. I wish my dad could have seen both of my children grow up though. I've tried to keep his memory alive by sharing his stories and sense of humour with my kids over the years, but it's not the same.

I know that Christmas will be very difficult for everyone too and I wish I had some suggestions on how to cope. 

This will be the third year I 'ignore' Christmas: no tree, no decorations, no lights, no stockings, no baking. We'll give our kids (who are grown up) money and we'll probably go to a Chinese Buffet for Christmas dinner.

Maybe as time passes, I won't be such a Grinch, lol. I hope you all can find a way to get through next month and perhaps honour your parents by doing something special in remembrance.  

Take good care everyone,

Traz

 

[Jessie Yao]

I am 21 and I suddenly lost my father 6 month ago. It is really hard to take it until now. I just try my best to pretend there's nothing happen everyday at school cause I believe there are few people who would understand me. 

[KayC]

I am so sorry, I lost my father when I was 29 and pregnant with his grandbaby.  It's tough. 

[barnettmollyk]

I lost my mom just over a year ago and just lost my dad this week. I’m 32. No close family. And my husband hasn’t been a good support because he decided to have an affair and I found out right after my mom died. it is such a weird untethered feeling.  It’s terribly uncomfortable. Idk how I will move forward here on out, nothing seems to matter much and it’s like I’m on autopilot for now.