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My wife passed away last month


Lee jr

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She was diagnosed with lung cancer February 2020.  She passed  this February 9th!  I knew it would be hard without her but it’s 100 times worse!  We were married almost 49 years and then she was gone and now I’m alone.  It makes me feel better knowing she is not suffering anymore, cancer was very hard on her.  But there are too many times in the day when I feel empty inside.  I have been her caregiver since a devastating stroke 11 years ago and was very proud to take care of her.  Funny now I can’t even take care of myself! Sorry for my rambling.

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Dear Lee... That must be hard. I am so so sorry you are going through this. You are one kind soul being there for your wife when she needed it the most.  I lost my sister of age 27 in a car accident in last July and only thing that keeps me going is believing that there is something beyond this life, someplace even better where we meet again with the ones we love. This life is too short for all the love we have for our family. 

I hope you can find beauty in something and manage to live the best you can with this. 

I wish you all the best, 

 

Dalila

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Thank you!  I’m sorry to hear about your sister.  I’m trying to look forward but my mind keeps looking back on the pain she went through!  I’m praying for help!

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Dear Lee. Yes... That is something I think about often as well. I think how she felt in those moments when the car drifted down the hill and what were her last thoughts. Was she afraid, did she know her life is going to end and did she feel pain. I wonder a lot about where is she now and I am praying that once my time comes I will see her again. My other youngest sister was in the car as well, luckily she survived but she is living with awful mental scars seeing her sister pass away right in from of her. I don't know.... Loosing someone you love is the worst pain there is. That's why I hope this life is not all there is. 

 

Best

 

Dalila

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I believe in my heart she is in heaven!  I know she is in perfect health and much happier now.  I look forward to seeing her again!  
I hope she can forgive me for all the bad decisions I made while taking care of her!  We both believe when it’s your time to go you go!  She believed  that and continued to smoke for years after I quit.  I regret not convincing her to quit!  GOD said it was her time to go home and nothing would change that!  I think GOD protects us from the pain and emotions of a situation like your sisters.  That’s just how I feel.  My faith in Jesus will get me through this and help me move forward in GODs plan for me.  That said I have broken down three times  today!

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Dear Lee. I was a smoker as well, and I quit half year ago. Luckily I am still young (29) and I hope that my body will clear out soon. Cigarettes are really hard addictions. My father is smoker for at least 30 years and I must say that I am very concerned about him. Especially after my sister died he started smoking even more. I sort of understand him, simply because loss of a child is the worst thing anyone can go through, and then cigarettes give you this comfort. It's hard. We tried to convince him so many times to stop, but he just does not listen. Sometimes I think cigarettes will kill him and I can't do nothing about that because the truth is - we don't have as much control of things as much as we think we do. So I stopped telling him to quit smoking. I don't think you can convince someone to quit all until you decide to quit for yourself. I know from my own experience. 

Do you feel better after you break down?

Honestly, I stopped crying every day a while ago but that's simply because I feel like I don't have tears left. I just feel this pain inside. I often have recollections of our childhood and it makes my heart ache. And still I can't cry. I pray every night but it is so hard for me to do that because I can't believe I am doing those prayers for my sister. I used to image we would grow old having each other.  

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Your right you can’t quit for them!  I do wish I had at least tried to get her to take a lung cancer test, you could ask your father.  It might have helped!  I do feel better after I cry not something I like to do but after awhile I can’t help it.  I am putting fun pictures on my phone to have anywhere and am making a photo album of her and the two of us during happy times. I hope to look at it during those sad times which right now happen at least three times a day!  We lost our son 12 years ago and it still hurts but not as much as my wife because it is still a very tender wound to my heart!  Stay close to your dad he needs you and you need him.  My daughter has helped me through this as much as she can but she has her life too and I must find a way to cope! I will be praying for us both!

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On 3/8/2021 at 9:51 AM, Lee jr said:

 I have been her caregiver since a devastating stroke 11 years ago and was very proud to take care of her.  Funny now I can’t even take care of myself! Sorry for my rambling.

I am so sorry for your loss and can relate totally to what you are saying.  My husband of almost 34 years passed April 26 and I know that empty feeling you have inside-it doesn't go away.  Like you, a caretaker for the last 15 years and I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat.  Even with all of his health issues, he still tried to remain positive and still encourage me.  Which in turn, I kept telling him to hang in there for me and our little fur baby.  Many days he would say he was hanging on for us but didn't know how much longer he could deal with the suffering.  Hated hearing the part of his suffering which selfishly I kept telling him I would help him feel better in whatever way possible.  I knew there was going to be a huge void w/o him here and there is.  It's worse than I ever imagined.  Some days are more overwhelming than others and the reality of him never coming back is painful. 

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