My Mother, My Best Friend is Gone

[Grayson]

I lost my Mother on February 26, 2021. We had been best friends since I was a child I shared everything in my life with her. When I became sick with a chronic illness a little over 29 years ago my Mother was there every step of the way as she had been throughout my entire life. She received her cancer diagnosis in June 2019, but she already knew she was very ill since 2017, but her doctor like many other doctors tend to do with Women, discounted her symptoms and by the time she was diagnosed in June 2019 it was too late to save her life. She did not undergo treatment as it would not have stopped the cancer and she tried to live her life to the fullest with the time that she had left. I was with her every day trying to make her last days as happy as possible, I knew the end was coming as I watched her slowly decline. In September 2020 she was not able to eat, I started giving her treatment with Medical cannabis, and it allowed her to continue eating until late January until the cancer had advanced to the point where she could not longer digest food. Her last meal was on January 24, 2021, her favorite, a small portion meatloaf that I had made for her. She was bedridden soon after, and I watched her decline day by day until she passed. By January 25th I knew that her end was coming and I had a bit of a meltdown, I could not stop screaming and crying, hope had completely left me. I started to take anti depressants and a beta blocker soon after this which has taken a bit of the edge off but I do not know how to cope with losing my Mother and my best friend. This was her second bout with cancer the first was in 1980. I knew that she had to die someday, but I had hopped with every fiber of my being that it would not be cancer.

It feels like my life is over, I know that she wanted me continue, in her last days before she could no longer talk she was more concerned about me then herself. She was not afraid to die, but like all of us she was afraid to suffer and wanted her death to be quick. I know that I need to find a purpose in my life but it's hard to think of living without her.

I am sorry for my rambling but I do not know how to process losing her forever.

 

[LostDaughter2021]

I completely empathize with what you are going through. I lost my mom on January 18th and the pain is surreal. Every day I’m trying to cope with not having my best friend. This is hard. I find that focusing on trying to get through each hour helps. It’s an adjustment when the person you talk to every day isn’t there. The person who supports your dreams, listens to your ideas, is there when you are sick or sad, who laughs with you...is gone. I understand. Some days are harder than others. Let yourself grieve. Scream if you have to. I’m so sorry for your loss. There’s no love like a mother’s love.

[CatsandMusic]

Grayson and Lostdaughter,

I am so sorry for the loss of your mother.  My mom is extremely sick and we fear the end is near.   The tears are already constant.  My mom has been my biggest cheerleader and there for me, no matter if I made it easy or at times very difficult.  She has always believed in me even when I lost faith in myself.  I am so scared to live in a world without her, I do not know what to do.  We are doing everything we can to try to get her better but the cancer has spread everywhere.  The pain isn't something I can even verbalize, it penetrates my whole being.  I hope both of you will find so much healing and love.  I am feeling all of the feelings you are having.  I hope we all can get through this

[Althea]

I understand all so well.  I lost my mom/best friend on 1/8/21.  I don't know what to do.  I spoke to my 3 times a day, every day.  I still reach for the phone to call her.  I can't stand to be alone because all I do is think about her.  This was unexpected.  I spoke with her on Thursday night and called her on Friday morning and no answer.  I left work and went to her house and she was still in bed very lethargic and hardly responding.  When I got her to the hospital, the doc told me she was dying.  I could not believe it.  She died 8 hours later.  Fortunately they let us be with her until the end.  I can't believe my mom is gone.  I just can't.

 

 

[Grayson]

LostDaughter2021, CatsandMusic and Althea

Thank you for your posts and kind words. Althea, I very sorry about you losing your Mother unexpectedly. I knew that My Mother was going to pass in June 2019 and had been going through a process of grief before she died, when she did pass in February the loss was not any easier to deal with having known that she would die in advance. When you love someone with every fiber of your being, the loss leaves a gaping hole in your heart. In my head I know that my Mother is gone and that for the rest of my life I will never see her again, but my heart cannot process that loss in the same way. It leaves you feeling rudderless and hopeless. I know that to honor my Mother I need to try to carry on with my life, but at the same time I do not have a clue as to how to do that. My mind is mush and I feel numb, I go through each day just going through the motions of life without really feeling alive anymore. I sure all of you are feeling similar feelings. I hope for all of us that we can make it through these times and come to terms with what has happened and somehow learn how to cope.

CatsandMusic, I am sorry about your Mother, I know the fear and outright terror that you are going through right now, whatever you do do not isolate yourself, reach out to whoever you can to help you deal with the stress that you are going through. I made the mistake of trying to be strong (which did not work at all) when I took care of my Mother from June 2019 till she passed on February 26, 2021. I thought that I was strong enough to cope with the situation myself, I was not and ended up having a mental meltdown when I realized that she was going to die soon on January 25, 2021. Reach out for any emotional support that you can, you need it probably more that you realize.