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Decisions


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Melissahewett1984

I'm 37 and have been my mother's caregiver most of my life. She's suffered years of mental illness and with aging she's developed severe memory and cognitive loss. In Dec 2020 she contracted covid, we spent a month fighting infections before she had to use a vent.  She was released at the end of Jan but was placed back into the hospital last week, unexplained infections, 104.4 fever that comes and goes, BP that goes up and down. She has lost her ability to walk, her arms have shriveled to her body, she lost her ability to swallow. On Sunday I signed a DNR and I have to make the decision tomorrow if I want PEG feeding.  I want my mom to stay, but I know she's hungry and wants real food. My heart is breaking.  I'm slowly losing her and it's my job to care for her.  I'm lost. 

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widower2

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you're dealing with and have for so long. Whatever decision you made, I'm sure you did it with the best intentions to do what's best for her, and on some level I suspect she knew that, so I hope you realize that too and can be at peace with it. It's hard either way obviously, so if you second-guess yourself, that's perfectly normal. You're totally between a rock and a hard place. I wish you peace and please remember you have done SO much for her and made the best decision you could given the situation at the time. 

 

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Kevin8988
On 3/7/2021 at 12:44 PM, widower2 said:

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you're dealing with and have for so long. Whatever decision you made, I'm sure you did it with the best intentions to do what's best for her, and on some level I suspect she knew that, so I hope you realize that too and can be at peace with it. It's hard either way obviously, so if you second-guess yourself, that's perfectly normal. You're totally between a rock and a hard place. I wish you peace and please remember you have done SO much for her and made the best decision you could given the situation at the time. 

 

Thank you for writing this.  I was in a similiar situation with my Dad in ICU for pneumonia, although not covid related.  My dad had signed DNR years ago, but the family still have to sign the final decision. It was the most difficult thing to do in my life. 

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reader

Dear Melissa,

These decisions are never easy.  It's obvious how much you love your mom and want to make the right decision.

Thinking of you. Sending my thoughts and prayers.

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