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Lost20210131

my mom is not here anymore, the phone doesn’t ring everyday, god I miss talking to her everyday, I was with her for a few days at hospital and they wouldn’t let anyone else in but me, I’m grateful to have been with her but it was so hard doing it by myself, I had bought her a comfort cross, small, to hold in her hand and she never let go of it and it went with her, the hardest thing is she didn’t want a service and wanted cremated and told us never to bury her because she is chlosterphobic , so what do we do with her, maybe spread her ashes in a beautiful spot, and visit her there instead of a empty gravesite, what is the point of having a empty grave  with no one in it,,,, she sits on top of her dresser with the urn lid off , I woke up my brother in the middle of the night because I couldn’t sleep, all I could hear was my moms voice, I thought I was going crazy, I could not get any peace and this was just a day after her cremation, her voice rattled me and scared me and it came to me all of a sudden,,,, she can’t breathe,,, I called my brother in the middle of the night ,,, I said,, your going to think I’m crazy,,, but you need to take to cover off so she can breathe and he did, then I found peace and slept,,,, crazy ,, right,,, but I didn’t hear her after that,,, she was chlosterphobic and I can’t bury her because she did not want that ,,, I don’t know where to spread her ashes but I need to do it soon.  It has only been a couple of weeks and I feel like I have aged 20 years, I have half my life to live but feel like it’s over somehow, my heart has palpitations and pain and I’m trying my best but find it difficult with COVID on top of this, feel like I have no where to turn and I’m trying to focus on putting a garden in , I bought seeds and will put plants in the grown in may but that seems like a eternity away and can’t get here quick enough. I’m also planting burning bushes in her memory as they turn red in the fall and her birthday was in the fall, I love you mom, RIP❤️

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Pnutsdaughter

I am so sorry for the loss of your mom and the pain you’re going through. I also know this pain and how truly paralyzing it is. I lost my mom this summer. She had a seizure one night and was taken straight to the hospital. We were not allowed to be with her for 30 days while she essentially was dying all alone. That part wrecks me the most. It wasn’t until she could not be helped any further that me my brother, sister and dad were allowed to essentially go and say goodbye. My brother and dad could not handle being in the room so my sister and I sat by her bedside as they took her off the vent. This was the most raw experience I’ve ever had and it still does not feel real that it actually all happened. Mommy was so sick and passed in 30 minutes. I can’t believe I’ll never see her again. We also cremated mom as she sits in an urn at my dads house. I don’t think he will ever spread her ashes as I think he feels that she is home now. It’s just all so sad. I feel so sad for everyone she too that has to go through this, especially in this pandemic. I hope that may gets here soon enough for you so you are able to plant in that garden. 

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Lost20210131

Thank you for your support, I know what your going through, whatever you feel you have missed with your mom, make sure you say and do with your dad, make everyday count with him. I wish I spent more time thanking my mom for so many things and talking about things she loved and things she wanted to do. I feel like I could have done more when she was well but I was too busy, or so I thought, here for you my friend.

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Pnutsdaughter

It is so very true. A lot I wish I would have done as well. I’ve realized that I was not done learning from my mom at all. I’m definitely making sure to do this with my dad. Thanks for your response. Here for you as well. 

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Lost20210131

May I ask what helped you the most getting through the past months? I try to do artwork and it seems to be peaceful and meditating for me but then I go through terrible times where I can’t stop crying and thinking about her, is there any advice you could give, thank you so much.

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Pnutsdaughter

You know it is such a roller coaster that I think we all just cling to what we can. Art sounds like an awesome outlet. I find that keeping myself busy really does help. I have a brother sister and a dad that I’m able to lean on, which is so crucial for me to be able to talk to them because they are going through the exact same thing. So I know that that has been tremendous for me. I only hope that you have the same kind of support. I find comfort and doing things that I know my mother would enjoy. I have acquired a lot of her items and I like to make crafty things out of them as well. I also am a runner and decided on the day of her funeral service back in July, that I would run 1 mile every single day in her honor for one year. I’ve been doing this for 210’days now. This has been such a huge help for me because every single day for at least 10 minutes I am doing something in honor of her. And I reflect while I’m running, sometimes I cry sometimes I laugh, but it has been very therapeutic to me. Sorry this has become so long winded haha but I do think the huge thing is talking to people who have gone through it. Just like we are doing. I had many people reach out when mom died this summer because they also have left a parent. It’s like you are all of the sudden part of this sad club, but you are not alone and that there are so many other people going through this same type of pain. Everyone grief is so different and you can’t keep trying to make sense of it but embrace it. That helps me tremendously. 

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Lost20210131

I appreciate your feedback. I don’t have much left for family, just my brother who does not talk much at all and has always been that way. Thank you for your time.

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Trikwuchi

I feel like you do with the palpitations and heart pain. I lost my mum 6 weeks ago and I just can't get my head round it.  She's gone and that's final. 

Her lovely voice, her support and encouragement...are all gone. I was there at the end and felt utterly helpless. It's the worst feeling ever, just knowing the end is close and you can't do a damn thing. Covid took her life and snatched her from my life. It's heartbreaking. 

Take it one day at a time. That's what I'm doing, but I'm struggling to sleep tonight. Just thinking I wish she was still here and I miss and love everything about her. 

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Lost20210131

It is the worst thing I have ever been through, it’s like a piece of me has disappeared and I’m looking for it and cannot find it.  The loss, as you know, is so great, greater than I ever imagined it would be. I know you feel the same way, if only it could somehow be different. People say that I shouldn’t be sad and that I should be happy that I had her as long as I did and I should celebrate her life.  Easier said than done at this point anyway. So sorry to hear about your mom, how did she get the virus?

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Pnutsdaughter

Yes I am so sorry to hear about your loss as well. I can’t believe the devastation Covid has caused and I hate that it effected you and your family.  I keep realizing that you can and will never ever be prepared for how bad the loss of a loved one is. And everyone grieves so differently and uniquely. I found a Facebook group yesterday called Refuge I’m Grief and the women’s in charge of the page wrote a book called “It’s OK that you’re not ok” so I randomly looked for it at my local library and borrowed the audio version. Y’all I’m only Two chapters in but this woman has managed to explain grief and all these emotions I’ve been feeling but haven’t been able to explain to anyone. It also highlights that we live in a culture that does not know how to grieve. Someone should not really say to you that you shouldn’t be sad and just be happy that you had your mom as long as you did. That made you feel so much worst I’m sure. People just aren’t equipped to support a grieving person the right way sometimes, even if there intentions are there. You guys should seriously check it out. You cannot fix grief, it can only be carried. I think I’ll always be learning  how to carry it and still function. I miss my mom so bad too and I’m sorry ladies. I do find comfort in talking to other people like you and reading your stories. 

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laineyric

My mum died 8 months ago from cancer.  She started her chemo journey last March at the beginning of the Pandemic but it wasn't meant to be.  She was admitted to hospital twice during Covid restrictions and the second time never came home.  5 long weeks in hospital and then 2 weeks in a hospice. It all seems so unfair.  I follow Julia Samual on Instagram her posts and Insta lives are a daily does of therapy for me.  She give great advise

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Pnutsdaughter

It does seem unfair because it really just is. I’ll check out that woman on Instagram. Thank you. I’m sorry that you also lost your momma 

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Lost20210131
7 hours ago, laineyric said:

My mum died 8 months ago from cancer.  She started her chemo journey last March at the beginning of the Pandemic but it wasn't meant to be.  She was admitted to hospital twice during Covid restrictions and the second time never came home.  5 long weeks in hospital and then 2 weeks in a hospice. It all seems so unfair.  I follow Julia Samual on Instagram her posts and Insta lives are a daily does of therapy for me.  She give great advise

Sorry about your mom, it is hard getting through something like this and it has only been a few weeks for me but I can’t wait to be in a better state of mind, hope your doing well

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Kay Kay

I lost my Mom last month and lost my Dad 6.5 years ago. I am now left with the realization that I have no parents. The family unit that I once had is no more.

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Lost20210131
1 hour ago, Kay Kay said:

I lost my Mom last month and lost my Dad 6.5 years ago. I am now left with the realization that I have no parents. The family unit that I once had is no more.

Kay Kay, I know how you feel, there is such a emptiness and nothing will ever be the same again, we are entering into a new phase of our lives and anything is possible. I’m trying to be positive even though it has only been a few weeks for me since my mom passed. It is so hard to get my mind off of her as I’m sure you know how that is. I can’t replace her, I can only honour her in different ways and try to focus on what blessings I have.

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Your story sounds so similar to mine. My Dad passed 2 weeks ago and pretty much I was alone with him in palliative care watching him slowly die in front of me. I was with him for the whole 4 days. It was the most excruciating process I have ever gone through. I held his hand and told him everything I ever wanted to say. He only woke twice but for a short time each time. I just wanted to see my Daddy's blue eyes again and I did. I was wrecked and broken through this process but I try not to think of his last 4 days but I can't help it. He was my world my everything. Lived with him most of my life except his last 2 years. Just had the funeral 2 days ago. I organized it all and now I feel I have nothing left. I force myself to get out of bed it's so hard. I relate to you. I feel so empty and lost without him 

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Pnutsdaughter

I’m so sorry that you had to see your dad go through that and experience that yourself. They are memories that I don’t think we will ever ever forget. Some days I focus on those vivid details only. I found an ease in my pain when I was busy like you. Also planned my moms funeral and felt strangely empty when it was done. Like what was the next thing I can plan or do. I think it’s a coping mechanism. I have no wise words for you but I do know your pain especially the weeks right after it all happens. No one can prepare us for this type of grief and I’m finding there is no wrong or right way to do it. My biggest comfort and telling my story to others and reading all of yours. Makes me feel less alone. 

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27 minutes ago, Annisha68 said:

Your story sounds so similar to mine. My Dad passed 2 weeks ago and pretty much I was alone with him in palliative care watching him slowly die in front of me. I was with him for the whole 4 days. It was the most excruciating process I have ever gone through. I held his hand and told him everything I ever wanted to say. He only woke twice but for a short time each time. I just wanted to see my Daddy's blue eyes again and I did. I was wrecked and broken through this process but I try not to think of his last 4 days but I can't help it. He was my world my everything. Lived with him most of my life except his last 2 years. Just had the funeral 2 days ago. I organized it all and now I feel I have nothing left. I force myself to get out of bed it's so hard. I relate to you. I feel so empty and lost without him 

Annisha , so sorry for your loss, it is the hardest thing to go through.  It is so hard to imagine a life without them, but somehow have to go on.  It is a different life without them and must honour them and carry on somehow.  It has been a few weeks for me and I still long for our daily talks and visits, keeping busy with art helps me and reaching out here has helped me a lot as well. We are not alone in this and have to find our way forward, I have to push myself everyday just to do simple things. Both my parents are gone now, if you have family to lean on, then do so, it will help, if not, I found wonderful people here and it has helped me, I’m here for you my friend.

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