Losing Dad

[WTV]

On The 14th Of Feb, My Father Passed Away. I’ll Be Eighteen In April- I Live With My Grand-Mother And I Am Not In Contact With My Mother. I Lived With My Dad A Few Years Back, But When Problems Started Arising, I Started Living With My Grand-Mother (I Still Used To Visit Him A Lot Though, And He Was The Closest Person To Me) Dad Wasn’t The Kind Of Person Who Used To Worry Much About His Health- Though He Needed To. He Started Complaining About Two Months Back That He Was Feeling Pain And That He Was Throwing Up Blood, And We Kept Telling Him We Should Go To The Hospital. We Got Into Many Fights Because Of This, And In The End He Told Us He Was On Medication, And That It Was No Need To Go And We Should Just Stop Talking About It. Last Time I Saw Him Was A Week Before It Happened, I Had Passed By To Make Sure He Was Ok And He Wanted Me To Stay Longer, But I Told Him My Friends Were Waiting Outside. Two Days Before He Passed Away He Disappeared, Wasn’t Answering Any Calls, And That Was A Normal Thing For Dad To Do- He Does It When He Needs Space. On The Third Day I Started Getting Worried So I Went Over To His Place And Started Ringing The Doorbell. No One Answered, So I Decided To Break The Door Down. I Found Him There, Lying On The Ground, His Eyes Had No Life Whatsoever, Gasping For His Breath. He Couldn’t Hear Nor See Me. We Took Him To The Hospital And Waited, They Told Us That His Condition Is Very Bad And That His Heart Had Stopped And Started Beating Again. We Asked To See Him During Visiting Hours, But They Told Us To Go Home And That They Would Keep Us Posted Because Visiting Hours Aren’t Allowed Due To COVID. That Day At Night, We Got The News That He Had Passed Away. I Can’t Express How Much Guilt I Feel. For Not Being There With Him, For Not Knowing How Long He Was In This Situation Alone, For Not Staying More When He Wanted Me To. I Feel Like I Was Being Irresponsible. I Can’t Stop Picturing What He Looked Like When I Found Him And What He Looked Like When I Went Inside To See Him Before The Burial. This Is All Just Too Much To Take In. Even If We Had Some Minor Problems, He Was My Best Friend, And I Really Want Him Back. I Didn’t Even Get A Chance To Say Goodbye, I Couldn’t Even Sit By His Side In The Hospital. I’m So Pissed At Everything.

[Trikwuchi]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad. It's heartbreaking especially when you're so close and have a good relationship. It's so final and painful.