Anger from Dad's quick death and leaving my step-mom the trust first and what that means.

[M.H.]

My parents were divorced most of my life and really didn't want me because my mom became pregnant when they were discussing divorce. They kept me and I still had a decent relationship with my dad even though I lived with my mom. While my dad wasn't the warmest person, we had many similar traits that I enjoyed having in common with him, especially apparent as we both aged.

He got COPD at around 69, but I never knew it would kill him in exactly 5 years, as my mom had it too and it never caused her much of a.problem.

My step-mom called me when I was at work and told me to.come because it was the end! I didn't know he was even close. I got to spend one day with him and he seemed like he was going to be fine, but died the first full day at the hospice after being what I thought was "fine" at the great hospital where we live.

I took his wife home by 6 the night prior because I had to go to my friend's birthday party and told my dad we would return the next day. I never saw him.conscious and he died the next day after we returned from lunch. 

I saw him die. I saw him go from red healthy skin to grey-black skin and death, it was like a horror movie. A sight that traumatized me, especially being an Atheist.

He left his trust to my step-mom first and she is only 15  years older than me, so I will not inherit what he promised me my whole life probably. 

What bothers me more than the money is that he didn't care enough about my well-being to the end. I am divorced,struggling, and not career oriented anymore even though I have worked my whole life. At 51 I am tired. He did provide a healthy college fund as he promised for my daughter.

It has been two years and I can't get over the trauma, sadness, or anger.

 

 

 

 

[reader]

Dear M.H.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is so hard and there are so many thoughts and feelings to deal with.

It is not uncommon to still feel trauma, sadness and anger at 2 years. I still have these feelings and it's been 5 years.

We all grieve differently and there is no right way or wrong way or even a fixed timeline. For myself, I tried everything from grief counselling, grief support, writing, reading, art classes, joining this forum. I also found these websites helpful:

What's Your Grief

Grief in Common

Grief Share

Grief Healing Blog

I hope you find some additional support that will give you some comfort and peace.

Thinking of you.