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Not Sure how to cope


sandyeyes

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sandyeyes

A year ago 2/8/2020 .. 

My best friend found out she had stage 4 breast cancer at the age of 35. 
 

She suffered a brain tumor at the age of 15 and beat it. She suffered a stroke at the age of 25. We all believed she could survive anything.. she was diagnosed with the Breast Cancer a year after having her daughter at 35..she was supposed to beat it.

Was at the beginning of covid starting.. We weren’t able to have a funeral or a final goodbye.

They put her on hospice 3/17/2020, wasn’t even 12 hours and she left us . Never got a chance to say goodbye.. absolutely kills me.

Trying my hardest to heal from this .. but not ready to grieve ,still having a hard time accepting it really happened.

I have lost loved ones .. nothing has ever hurt this bad than losing my best friend. 

My husband tries.. but I have completely shut down.. I feel like I’m losing it. 

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Hi sandyeyes

I was looking through this forum as I too have lost my best friend. I was about to leave then saw your post, it was too true to home. I lost my best friend on the 4th September 2020, she had just turned 33. She has small bowel cancer and she was diagnosed back in 2019, the news was devistating. After a failed whipple, she had another emergency surgery to bypass a blockage and grueling chemo, neither stopped the cancer. At best she was told she would always have it but to keep it stable with chemo from. Time to time. No one knew the real rate it was growing or spreading. She was admitted to hospital in August, then they found the cancer spread to her spine. This caused her extreme bavk pain and she couldnt walk. After 2 werks she was transferef to a hospice, in a view for her to have rehabilitation somewhere her family could visit. She was transfered on the monday, she died on the friday. Inlast spoke to her on the tuesday, then she stopped messaging me back. Her husband text me on thursday eith an update on how she was, she had taken a turn for the worst and she wasnt expected to last the night. On Friday morning he rang me with the news she had died that morning. Its a phone call i will never forget. She left behind a husband, 4 year old son and family and friends who love her so much. 

Almost 6 months on, it's still so raw. I cant even say her name without crying. Its all the little things, like how we used to talk to each other nearly every day. We were each others maid of honour, had our children only 4 months apart, shared so many memories that noone else could understand. 

I am so greatful i was able to attend her funeral as it was during covid, only 20 people were aloud to attend though. I'm looking into getting councelling so I can try to get through this, but it is so tough, I dont know how to. I hope youbare managing to take each day as it comes, thats how i am trying to get through each day x

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Valerie Lockhart

Dear Sandyeyes,

I'm sorry for your loss. Losing a best friend to death is especially difficult when it happens during a pandemic. I've attended several funerals on Zoom. I miss being able to embrace family and friends in person. Although you were unable to hug your friend during her brief stay in hospice, God offers hope for being reunited with her on a paradise earth. God promises to rid us of death and sorrow soon. “God himself will be with them. And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.” - Revelation 21:3, 4. Allow God to comfort you, by reading His word the bible and through prayer. Our creator is a great listener and will strengthen you during this difficult time. And, may you will find comfort in God's promise of a resurrection, where you can see your friend healthy and strong on a paradise earth. By meditating on God’s promises found in the Bible, you can find real hope and the strength to keep going.— 1 Thessalonians 4:13.

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crudebliss

Hello...

We all have our hero's that we look up to, be it as friends too. I am deducing that she was your solid ground to go to. And it's true that as much as you would like to think she is gone, her presence is in you and all the people she had met, like ripples we make dents onto each other as we pass through time.... Yet we must not forget that it was moments of right now's that made those moments great in the first place... The times of her birthdays, and other celebrations, remember how you were in the moment then and enjoyed them thoroughly then...that moment that you were present in? Now that she has passed, you want to stay in the past, the day she died, Is this how you want to spend this moment? This moment is so alive and she is so alive if you can see it... ? She had a form, she left that form and is with maybe the supreme form... Why do you want her to feel pain? She will feel it, our mind is not just a processing unit, but a projection unit too... Feel love for her, let her feel your joy of being with you in this moment again... Keep remembering her like this, that she added to you in such and such ways, and she will feel it too, where ever she is... Make this moment of gold... You have all the tools, all the power. Project positive particles of prosperity and purity to her, girl... That's how you celebrate her... By being your best self, because of her....

 

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3 hours ago, crudebliss said:

Now that she has passed, you want to stay in the past, the day she died, Is this how you want to spend this moment? This moment is so alive and she is so alive if you can see it... ? She had a form, she left that form and is with maybe the supreme form... Why do you want her to feel pain? She will feel it, our mind is not just a processing unit, but a projection unit too... Feel love for her, let her feel your joy of being with you in this moment again...

Dear @crudebliss, Thank you so much for your wisdom; I had never thought about it in this way before. My Father died on May 2, 2018; and I have had great difficulty moving beyond that day. I certainly do not want my Father to suffer anymore; he was afflicted with enough of that while he was alive. And I most certainly do not want him to suffer because of my constant weeping over his death. What seems better is to rejoice in his Life. Thus, maybe you are right about Joy; I think of it like storing it up for him that we might celebrate together when we finally see one another again. Thank you for sharing your wise words; you have given me food for thought. Be well, @TLN.

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