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Not Sure how to cope

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A year ago 2/8/2020 .. 

My best friend found out she had stage 4 breast cancer at the age of 35. 

She suffered a brain tumor at the age of 15 and beat it. She suffered a stroke at the age of 25. We all believed she could survive anything.. she was diagnosed with the Breast Cancer a year after having her daughter at 35..she was supposed to beat it.

Was at the beginning of covid starting.. We weren’t able to have a funeral or a final goodbye.

They put her on hospice 3/17/2020, wasn’t even 12 hours and she left us . Never got a chance to say goodbye.. absolutely kills me.

Trying my hardest to heal from this .. but not ready to grieve ,still having a hard time accepting it really happened.

I have lost loved ones .. nothing has ever hurt this bad than losing my best friend. 

My husband tries.. but I have completely shut down.. I feel like I’m losing it. 

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Hi sandyeyes

I was looking through this forum as I too have lost my best friend. I was about to leave then saw your post, it was too true to home. I lost my best friend on the 4th September 2020, she had just turned 33. She has small bowel cancer and she was diagnosed back in 2019, the news was devistating. After a failed whipple, she had another emergency surgery to bypass a blockage and grueling chemo, neither stopped the cancer. At best she was told she would always have it but to keep it stable with chemo from. Time to time. No one knew the real rate it was growing or spreading. She was admitted to hospital in August, then they found the cancer spread to her spine. This caused her extreme bavk pain and she couldnt walk. After 2 werks she was transferef to a hospice, in a view for her to have rehabilitation somewhere her family could visit. She was transfered on the monday, she died on the friday. Inlast spoke to her on the tuesday, then she stopped messaging me back. Her husband text me on thursday eith an update on how she was, she had taken a turn for the worst and she wasnt expected to last the night. On Friday morning he rang me with the news she had died that morning. Its a phone call i will never forget. She left behind a husband, 4 year old son and family and friends who love her so much. 

Almost 6 months on, it's still so raw. I cant even say her name without crying. Its all the little things, like how we used to talk to each other nearly every day. We were each others maid of honour, had our children only 4 months apart, shared so many memories that noone else could understand. 

I am so greatful i was able to attend her funeral as it was during covid, only 20 people were aloud to attend though. I'm looking into getting councelling so I can try to get through this, but it is so tough, I dont know how to. I hope youbare managing to take each day as it comes, thats how i am trying to get through each day x

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