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“Losing a limb”


Rashell

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Everyone says losing your partner is like losing a limb. Ironically, I woke up this morning unable to move my right arm. I am going to the doctor on Monday however I can’t do anything right now. I can’t bathe myself, I can’t make food, I can’t put my hair up- all things my boyfriend would do for me if he was here. When I had covid, my legs became so weak that I couldn’t walk or stand and he had to carry me into the bath and bathe me, along with every other thing. Now I have no one to help me with the things I can’t do right now, plus the added stress of not knowing what is wrong with me and not having my person here to comfort me. So now I have lost my metaphorical limb and also physically cannot move a limb. 

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This is extremely concerning.  I'll also preface this with "I am not a doctor and don't play one on the internet," so this is coming from just a regular person.  However, I have auto-immune conditions that can and have affected parts of my body.  Obviously, I'm not there to know exactly what is going on with your arm or the rest of your body right now, but neurological issues really cannot wait sometimes.

I'm not asking you to answer me, just ask yourself:  Is it just your arm?  Do you have any odd sensations anywhere else?  Does it hurt (say a pinched nerve)?  Can you walk, smile, and move evenly on both sides?  Have you ever had anything like this happen before?  How long ago did you have COVID?  There have been reports of physical repercussions after recovery.  Because you had neurological issues with weakness when you had COVID, you may be more likely to have complications now.

Honestly, I'm really worried about you.  If anything--anything--changes or your arm gets worse or it spreads, I urge you to go to the nearest ER immediately.  It might be as "simple" (ha--as if any of this is simple) as a pinched nerve from stress and grief.  But it could be something serious that needs treatment as soon as possible.  If necessary, ask a friend or the other roommate (his best friend, I believe?) to help.

Please remember that you need to take care of yourself now, no matter what.  As much as there have been times I've felt like, "Go ahead.  Give me something fatal so I can be with my love again," I know that's not the right thing.  Here's one big reason why:  We are now the keepers of our loves, our memories, and our lives together.  That's one thing that has kept me going, knowing it's up to me to remind people "This really wonderful man lived and loved and made a difference in the lives of others."  I don't want anyone to forget that.

I'm sorry you have this added challenge along with everything else right now.  I wish we could help more than virtually.  ((HUGS))

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Everything else seems completely normal, of course my first thought was “stroke” but mentally I feel totally normal (as normal as I can right now). I have no pain except a little soreness around my shoulder now after messing with it and trying to figure out how to move it all day, I’m thinking it’s probably a pinched nerve. I’ve been sleeping on my uncomfortable couch for the last week so I wouldn’t be surprised if my body isn’t happy about it. Though it was very weird and freaky waking up unable to move a part of my body I normally can. I occasionally have weird things happen with my body due to health issues I’ve had for years which is why it was very important for me to have someone that could come over at any given time if something wasn’t right, and be able to tell me if it was something I needed to go to the ER for or not, as my judgement is always very off. Also, his service is tomorrow and at this point I can’t even wash my hair myself, I’m hoping my mom may be able to come bathe me tonight even though I feel very weird about it and everything would be much easier if I just had my person back. 

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7 hours ago, Rashell said:

I occasionally have weird things happen with my body due to health issues I’ve had for years which is why it was very important for me to have someone that could come over at any given time if something wasn’t right, and be able to tell me if it was something I needed to go to the ER for or not, as my judgement is always very off.

I'm prying a little and again please don't answer if this is too pushy.  Have you been tested for auto-immune conditions?  Intermittent weird things happening with your body could be a sign of one or more of them.

I hope your mom was able to come over and take care of you.  I'm a mom and believe when I say I'd do that for our daughter in a heartbeat and wouldn't think it weird at all.  It's what moms do, no matter how old our babies are.  Please try not to feel bad about asking her for help.  Of course you'd rather your love was here with you.  We understand every bit how hard it is to have our most important person in the world not be there to support, love, and care for us.  Right now, especially with his service being tomorrow.  Let the ones who love you help you however they can.

Also, keep coming here to talk and question and rant as much as you want.  It helps, especially over time.

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16 minutes ago, foreverhis said:

Have you been tested for auto-immune conditions?  Intermittent weird things happening with your body could be a sign of one or more of them.

Yeah I’ve been tested for quite a few and they are pretty sure I have some type of auto immune disease but they can’t figure out what it is. My aunt had an extremely rare auto immune disease that caused her to pass away very young, I have many of the same problems she had when she was my age but her disease was so rare there are no tests for it and no actual treatments. Very few people have ever found out they had it and once they do, no one had lived more than 2 years. My aunt lived for 8 years after her diagnosis and they stopped treatment completely after the 4 year mark because they didn’t know what to do besides make her comfortable, and her insurance would no longer cover any type of treatment since the disease does not fall under ANY category (they even came and took her oxygen tanks after her being on it 24/7 for 5 years, however we all pitched in and paid out of pocket to make sure she had oxygen). Of course I am hoping that is not the case with me and they don’t know if the disease is genetic or not, but I basically chalk up most of my weird issues to that. I spent all my years from 14-18 in and out of different doctors, hospitals and specialists, and then I gave up trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I figure if things get bad, they’ll figure it out eventually, and when something seems like it really isn’t right I still go have it checked out, but it has been really helpful the last few years having another person that cares about me but also has an outside perspective to tell me what could be serious. We also had many disagreements when I would refuse to go to the doctor because I am stubborn and don’t like doctors, but I would always end up going if he really wanted me to so it didn’t worry him, and there were a couple times it quite literally saved my life. My mom is very anti-doctor so I do worry a little that I may not be able to tell anymore when I do genuinely need to be seen by a doctor.

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I hope you go in emergency to get it checked rather than waiting until Monday.  It's scary and I hope and pray for the best for you.

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17 hours ago, Rashell said:

Yeah I’ve been tested for quite a few and they are pretty sure I have some type of auto immune disease but they can’t figure out what it is.

I'm sorry to say that I can relate to this all too well.  It took more than a year for my first diagnosis.  A number of years later when I started having new symptoms, my doctors started testing again.  Sure, it's nice to hear about all the things it isn't, like Parkinson's or lupus, but I know you know how upsetting it is to hear the follow up of "We know you have auto-immune problems, but we're not sure what they are."  I kept getting low to moderate positives on multiple tests, but none of them pointed to specific diagnoses for a long time.  Two of my uncles had severe RA, but so far that's not one of my conditions.  Still every time some new joint issue happens, they test for it again, just in case. 

I very much hope you do not have the same condition your aunt did.  It's horrible how our own bodies can betray us.  And it's not as if we "did" anything to cause these conditions.  Not even the doctors understand it, so how can we?

Please know that we are all thinking of you.

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