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I was doing better today


Rashell

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I had been doing really good today, and finding stupid little things to look forward to everyday to get to the next day, like today I was looking forward to my friends coming over to sit with me, tomorrow I have a package for his roommate being delivered, I am looking forward to seeing my counselor again even though I didn’t really like our first session, to meeting with the grief support group I joined, and I was keeping my brain busy. My friends came over and I was able to interact more than just talking about him and staring blankly when they talked about anything else. Then the christmas present I had got him that shipped late was delivered and everything changed. It all just hit me at once how unfair it is that this has to be my new normal. That I’m looking forward to a counseling appointment rather than looking forward to seeing him and our life together. It’s unfair that last week I was able to come home to him and now I’m stuck carrying around one of his shirts because it’s one of the only things I have left of his. It’s just not fair and I don’t want to be looking forward to these things to make it through a day, I want my life back. 

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I went through something like that too early in my grief.  He died on Father's Day, and I'd ordered a couple of presents that didn't come on time so he never got them.  :(  When they did come, it hit me hard.  I wish I could give you a hug.  :wub:

Nope, nothing about this is "fair."

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