Members Perro J Posted January 13, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2021 It was a parakeet she named - we bought her together. I looked over to the cage and realized something was wrong - but it was over in minutes. And now everything is coming crashing down. I will stay in this world for my Mom. After that, I won't be needed here anymore. Then I can go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted January 13, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted January 13, 2021 I'm so sorry. I'm not foolish enough to say or even think I know how you feel, but in a ballpark way, I can relate. Two years ago I had to put her/our dog down; it hit me even harder than I feared it would. That bird was a pet that as you said you bought and had and took care of together...it's like losing a tangible connection to her, and that's huge. But please...don't go. I know it doesn't seem like it now, it didn't to me in those earlier times...hell sometimes it still doesn't...but believe it or not (and I get "not," I so get that), life is worth trying to get through the lowest times for better ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gail 8588 Posted January 13, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2021 Perro, It is completely understandable that the death of your bird could trigger an enormous grief response. It was a link to her. It was a living being in your home that had been with you through this most terrible loss. It was "someone" who listened to you and to whom you could talk. I am so sorry you are in the grip of such pain again. All you can do is keep breathing. I am glad you have your mother to keep you here. Hopefully, with time she will not be your only tie to this world. One day at a time. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dawn Wms Posted January 13, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2021 Perro, I totally understand what you are feeling and this is what I fear for myself. Our family (in our household) consisted of me, my husband and our two dogs. I still have the dogs and am sticking around to take care of them. We both love(d) them dearly. But they are old and I know it will get worse for me when they go. I'm afraid it will break me. I don't want to stick around after that either. It is on my mind constantly. I am not saying it is OK or a good thing, but I am saying I completely understand the feeling. Fourteen years ago I lost my dog, my mom and my dad within a 13 month span. It was horrible and I was depressed for a long time. But I had my husband by my side supporting me and sharing in my grief. When my doggies go, I will be all alone. He will not be here helping me and giving me a reason to hang on. I can offer nothing other than to say, I truly understand your pain and my heart goes out to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 13, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted January 13, 2021 14 hours ago, widower2 said: But please...don't go. I know it doesn't seem like it now, it didn't to me in those earlier times...hell sometimes it still doesn't...but believe it or not (and I get "not," I so get that), life is worth trying to get through the lowest times for better ones. I feel the same. Perro, I am so sorry, I lost my "soulmate in a dog, Arlie" and my 25 year old Kitty last year, and it was extremely tough, then Covid hit. Arlie was my companion dog for 10 1/2 years, gentle, sweet, loving, goofy, fun, went on walks every day with me. To say I miss him is a gross understatement. And even Kitty, old and cantankerous, she was MY old and cantankerous cat! I could relate to her and understood her and when all was said and done, she showed me she loved me, we'd developed a bond. It's the hardest thing in the world. That you shared your parakeet with her adds to the feeling of loss of HER and the life you'd built together! It's been years since I lost all of the animals George and I had together, but I remember when Tigger took one long look at me as if committing me to memory, turned tail, and ran off, never to be seen again. It was two months after George died. It's as if he was waiting for George to come home, and when he didn't... My heart felt condolences to you. I think this cartoon doesn't just apply to dogs but to all the creatures we've known and loved! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jwahlquist Posted January 16, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 16, 2021 It has been nearly a year now since my husband passed away. In that time I have had two of our animals, 1 cat and 1 dog, put down due to illnesses. I have lost several of our chickens to predators. So I get it. To say this past year has been rough is an understatement, however, I am not yet ready to give up. There are days where it would still be easier and it sounds appealing. But then I remind myself that if I give up I will miss out on seeing my daughter grow up. I will miss out on any potential happiness in the future. So I hold on to my hope that the future is worth the pain of this year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rashell Posted January 17, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 17, 2021 The morning my partner passed, we had woken up to my mom calling me telling me that my cat was going downhill quickly. My cat is 17 years old, me and my dad had gotten him a few months before my dad passed away. He is the last living thing I have left of my dad, and my mom told me that morning she was glad I had my partner to be there for me through this. I was supposed to go over to my moms to be with my cat later on in the night. Then a few hours later, my partner was murdered. This was last week, and somehow my cat is still hangin in there. He is comfortable right now but he won’t be here by the end of the month. I am literally just waiting for that next tragedy to happen. I have to say, as much as I love my cat, I don’t have the emotional capacity to grieve this. When I moved out of my parents house, they kept my two cats and I got a new one who ended up being my emotional support animal, he’s trained to help me during panic attacks, wake me up from nightmares, etc. I have to say, one of the only reasons I have any motivation to keep on with life right now is because of my ESA. I know it may be hard and may not be the right choice for you, but getting an emotional support animal (whether it be cat, dog, bird or reptile) might really help you. Every morning I get out of bed for him now. And it isn’t the same as having your partner, but having a living breathing thing that relies on you will give you something to live for. The thought of what he would go through if I didn’t come home to him is enough to get me through a day. This may not have been helpful, and I’m sorry you are going through this, but finding even the smallest of things to continue to live for will help. I am so sorry you lost your pet, and I’m sure he meant more to you than just a pet. When my partner passed, his parents also came and took our dog. And our dog was way more than just a dog and symbolized so much more. While he is still alive, I will never see him again, and it was like losing my partner x2 in only 24 hours. Please find a reason to wake up everyday, I really believe some type of emotional support animal would really help you, and I’m not saying to get one today or next week or even this year, but consider eventually finding a pet to get you through this messed up thing we call life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted January 17, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted January 17, 2021 On 1/13/2021 at 12:52 PM, KayC said: I feel the same. Perro, I am so sorry, I lost my "soulmate in a dog, Arlie" and my 25 year old Kitty last year, and it was extremely tough, then Covid hit. Arlie was my companion dog for 10 1/2 years, gentle, sweet, loving, goofy, fun, went on walks every day with me. To say I miss him is a gross understatement. And even Kitty, old and cantankerous, she was MY old and cantankerous cat! I could relate to her and understood her and when all was said and done, she showed me she loved me, we'd developed a bond. It's the hardest thing in the world. That you shared your parakeet with her adds to the feeling of loss of HER and the life you'd built together! It's been years since I lost all of the animals George and I had together, but I remember when Tigger took one long look at me as if committing me to memory, turned tail, and ran off, never to be seen again. It was two months after George died. It's as if he was waiting for George to come home, and when he didn't... My heart felt condolences to you. I think this cartoon doesn't just apply to dogs but to all the creatures we've known and loved! Kay great post and esp I had to say that cartoon gave me a greatly needed laugh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jmmosley53 Posted January 17, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 17, 2021 I had to put my dog down a few months after my husband died. That loss brought back to the surface all memories of my husband playing with the dog. And it also brought back guilt feelings, I should have more... I was really surprised that weeks after my dog's dead my vet mailed me a little disc with my dog's foot print on it. I realize that you can't do that with your bird, but you might keep some little thing of the birds. Tuck it away with your mementos. I kept my dog's collar. Because I live alone now, I got another dog. The new dogs doesn't replace the old one, but it does give me some little thing I can fuss over. Maybe get another bird, I understand that pet shelters have birds that were surrender and need a new home. It could give you something to fuss over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 17, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted January 17, 2021 5 hours ago, jmmosley53 said: The new dogs doesn't replace the old one, but it does give me some little thing I can fuss over. Maybe get another bird, I understand that pet shelters have birds that were surrender and need a new home. It could give you something to fuss over. Yes, they never "replace" them but it's someone to love and take care of, a reason to get up. This is a good article but a HORRIBLE name for it imo! https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/01/replacing-pet-who-has-died-when-is-it.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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