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its been 3 years since I lost my 17 year old to suicide more just kept following


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I lost my 17 year old son to suicide a month prior my uncle and after my son my other uncle all died young and without much warning. I forgot to mention My fiance decided he didnt want anything to do with me anymore and left me to grief alone as I am a single parent. He then tried to come back a year later and verbally and emotionally abused me for 5 months after. I was such a wreck when he came back that I didnt know right from wrong anymore andi had no self esteem. After my second uncle died my beloved grandma whom I looked up to who was the rock in our family went on Christmas Eve. Then the following February I was woken from bed with alarming news that my x fiances son whom was to be my futurestep son was brutally stabbed and in a coma age 17 as well. Thank God he is alive and well. Then came covid. By this point I dont even know how how ive made it this far. Next came a dear high schoolfriend of mine died at age 47. He came out of nowhere whenhe found out my boy had takenhis life andhe kept me a float. he was the only personwho got me because he had lost his mom dad and brother to cancer and was fighting it as well. he ended up drinking himself to deah and past October. and this year as i spent it alone with my 23 year old son thats left, my mother had to self quarenteen because she had beenexposed to the virus.my best friend who I met a year after my boy died past away on New Years eve 2020.   Sometimes i sit and just stare off into space, my mind is different and I can tell I am not he same. I am worried that this was too much for one person.

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My son committed suicide on January 25th this year....he was 12. Wesley was a wonderful kid. We just don't know what happened. I'm sorry for your loss. The pain of losing your child is like no other. The only other pain I can compare it to would be to lose all your children. There is no pain worse and it never ends. I drive to work 2 hours 4 days a week and find myself pulling toward the center line all the time. I have 2 other small children and an adult daughter but sometimes feel they would be better off without me. I mean how does a 12 year old come to kill himself and never shows and signs or reason?

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I lost my husband and youngest child four months apart.  My husband died from kidney and heart failure.  My 24 year old son committed suicide 4 months later.  It's been 3 and a half years but some days like today, it just happened.  I feel like all the love and light left my life.

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