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The absurdity of indirect COVID victims


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I lost my love to a devastating stroke. He has chronic high blood pressure and asthma.

Because of COVID, he cancelled appointments. High BP and asthma meant he was at risk of complications should he catch it. Nothing seemed that urgent that he would risk catching COVID. We even rented a house in a remote rural location to ensure that we were safe but mostly that he was safe. He had a lot of anxiety from childhood PTSD so it was also a place to recover and shelter from a world that was going crazy. 

The sick irony is that all those things came back to play into the tragedy. His reluctance to be in hospitals that were deemed risky means that his silent strokes were never diagnosed over the last year. The rural house meant we were hours away from a hospital equipped for strokes. The anxiety that he had about the state of the world and the safety of his adult children played into raising his stress levels... it all feels like a twisted turn of fate that these things all aligned to eventually finish him.

I know that we all need to die and will of course all die of one thing or another. But I can’t help but feel that COVID took years of happiness from us. 

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@Elsa I hear you and I can commiserate! I totally agree that COVID made everything worse, even for those who didn't catch it but were neglected because of it. Back in April 2020 my husband was still trying to get his leukemia into a remission in order to get the stem cell transplant, which is the only actual cure for leukemia. But because COVID had started taking hold and a suffocating grip on the healthcare system in the US, his last hospital stay was cut short and they sent us home to finish the recovery with me giving him injections and monitoring him. Because the hospital had to redirect resources and focus on COVID, even though it's strictly a cancer hospital. But I cannot measure his blood counts twice a day or give him blood and platelet infusion every other day, only a hospital can do that. So in this very critical moment he was left on my care, and I am NOT a nurse or a physician. To add insult to injury, when he developed the high fever at home and I called 911, they would not take him to the farther hospital where they have a cancer ward, "because he had COVID symptoms and they had been instructed to take those patients to the nearest infection disease ER"! Well, HE DID NOT HAVE COVID, and the test came negative, but I only managed to get him tested because the hospice wouldn't take him home otherwise. So he had no chance. I do feel guilty and the guilt is gut-wrenching but I understand that those were circumstances beyond my control and I have to come to terms with all that. And with having lost my soulmate too soon.

Here is a good article about the hidden victims of COVID, and that was back in April, by now this has pretty much gotten out of anyone's control. https://nyti.ms/3eBEmhe

All I am saying is, it's not your fault and it's not your fiancee's fault. I know it's too fresh for you but know that you are not alone in this and I hope you find peace in time. (((hugs)))

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Oh Maria your story is absolutely tragic. Yes I can imagine the guilt you feel but exactly as you say. We are not nurses or physicians and even nurses and physicians don’t always get it right or are forced to make decisions based on circumstances. What is haunting is the thought that things could have, should have been different. But we actually don’t know that. Your husband could have had his stem cell treatment and it could have failed. I could have checked mine into a neurologist the day I heard about his  blood pressure but the damage may well have already been done, these things take years. There is an element of fatality in all of this that I guess we have to accept. I read somewhere that guilt is partly love, partly trying to gain back control over a situation we have no control over - then or now. By assigning guilt we feel somewhat pathetically in control. Thank you for sharing your painful story. It does help to know that we are not alone in this world facing these emotions. 

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