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Angry and lost


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I lost my best friend/ significant other to Covid early in the morning on December 23, 2020. He was 74 years old and had pre-existing conditions. He was very careful to follow the CDC guidelines. He told me that if he got COVID, he knew it would kill him. And it did. His son exposed him, he took my friend out to a restaurant to eat for Thanksgiving. He wouldn’t wear a mask around his father knowing the danger, especially since his wife works at a bar. He would go to the bar to see her and not wear a mask. Totally reckless behavior. And I am angry. This person knew better, his brother told him not to take their father out to eat. To protect their dad and take care of him. And he didn’t, he let his brother down. And now I have lost someone that I love. I got to go sit with him as they decreased the oxygen on the ventilator and then waited for him to pass. I held his hand and assured him that I would be ok. I would stay right there with him, he wouldn’t be alone. I did exactly what I had promised to him when we first met and started dating. We were talking about what we wanted done should something happen to each other as our relationship turned serious. Promises were made, directives were signed. I was thankful the hospital gave me the opportunity to fulfill my promise to be by his side. But he shouldn’t have been there. I can’t talk to his son, can’t look at him and don’t want anything to do with him. I know I should forgive him in time for my own sanity, but I can’t right now. Things are too raw, pain is too sharp and my heart is broken.

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