Lost my best friend.

[meganr]

Hi, 

I lost my dog, Sonny in October. Life has been a living nightmare ever since. I believe that my experience with his death has traumatised me. I can’t stop the images flooding my mind at night. 
I have had to stop working because I had a mental breakdown. Everyday I wish my life was different. I see other people and wish that I were them because they are living life free of horrible thoughts and probably would never have had to go through this thing like me. My whole life has changed. Before my dog passed I was a confident, independent, peace filled person. Now I cannot work, can’t stand to be alone with my own thoughts and struggle to hope that I will be able to live fully and peacefully again. I am not the same person and I hate this whole experience so much. If I didn’t have a dog in the first place, I would not be in the horrible dark hole.

[KittyGirl]

I am so very sorry for your loss. I know how difficult it is to go through. My sweet Kitty passed away in July and it has been the most shattering experience in my life. I feel both the vet and I failed her because she had something that was treatable. That is very hard to live with on top of having to watch her pass away and feeling helpless. Even though she died peacefully, is still traumatizing because could have been prevented. She should be here today. I blame myself the most because I was responsible for her. Is hard to get the thoughts of her last days and hours out of my head, knowing what went wrong and what should have been done. It's a daily struggle. I was strong before this but her death broke me. I know I won't ever be the same because I lost the biggest piece of my heart and can't get it back. What I have been going through has been horrible but I do not ever regret having her in my life. She was the sweetest cat who gave me unconditional love for so many wonderful years that I will treasure forever. Never will there be another cat like her. There is no justifiable reason we should suffer like this but life has given us a tremendous hardship to face. The deep pain you are feeling is because of your deep love for Sonny. I wish there was an easy way to get over the grief but there isn't.  It's something you have to go through day by day until you are able to co-exist with your loss in order to move forward with your life. You will always love and remember Sonny, that will never change. With time it will get easier to bear. Sharing your thoughts and talking about it with people who understand will help in easing your pain. You are not alone.

[KayC]

I am so sorry, it sounds like some PTSD from it, I'd advise counseling to help you.  There are therapies they can do to help you like this:

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2016/03/in-grief-using-eye-movement.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2010/03/using-emotional-freedom-techniques-eft.html
https://www.healthjourneys.com/blog/ask-belleruth/have-you-heard-of-emotional-freedom-technique-eft.html

It is very hard to go through, my Arlie was everything to me, and losing him to cancer over a year ago is one of the worst things I've ever gone through, along with the cancer journey.  So hard to watch him go downhill and suffer.  The finality of not being able to see him again, beyond description.  We feel for you here.

KittyGirl is right, no way to avoid this, but to go through it, experience and process it, very painful.  Processing our grief takes time and can be very painful.  I wish we had a magic wand but there is none.  It does help to express it, I'm thankful for this place.  (((hugs)))